Somebody says they want to join the shitey meowers

Ye divvint want to be joining that bunch of fuckin' losers unless ye yorsel'
wants to look like a reet tosser, OK?

How Aa came oot to find they wos shite like, wos when I started reading a
few of them posts from some chief meow shite caaled Steve Lanyard or
summick, an' aal he rote was fuck aal, like, mebbes a couple of lines on the
end of some other Kunts post like, then this great big bliddy lang siggy
thing wot Steve though wos funny and neebody else ever did.

Whey, man, he went on keepin' deeing this for years and years and fuckin'
years, like, and he still does this to this day - Aa believe- Aaa killfiled
the Kunt yonks ago.

Wot he daes, ya see, he gaans oot drivin' in his minicab trying to think of
witty things tae say, like, but he can nivver think of nowt, so he reckons
if he adds just mebbes a line on the end of some other buggers posts then
adds his greet big siggy, as he calls it, well, then he will look like an
anarchist he thinks.

He's always in them dodgy groups an' aal where, according to Steve, dorty
pictures are keep getting posted. Aa hope he is not doonloadin' them like,
'cos we Aal knaa wot happened to Mr. Townsend, eh, nivva mind Mr. Leyland?

He looks mair like a Kunt tae me, like, if ye knaa' wot I mean, like?

TRANSLATION - TO AVOID REQUESTS:

You do not want to be joining that bunch of ne'er-do-wells unless you also
wish to regard yourself as a loser.

How I came to find out they were rather tacky, was, after reading a few
posts from Steve Leyland, self-professed Miaow (or whatever) leader, I soon
realised he was simply unable to string a few sensible sentences together.
Instead, he would simply add an innocuous comment to someone else unabridged
post then paste on his blood big sig file of thousands of words. From what I
can perceive of the "man" he considers this continuous posting of huge
screeds of other peoples' words to be some form of anarchy. To an ignorant
minicab driver this may appear to be so, but to most posters he is simply a
pain.

p.s. His posting history also shows him to be a *very* frequent visitor to
what are commonly known as "Kiddie-fiddler" froups. I pass no comment on
that but thought I should include it so you may make your own judgement.

HTH.

 

Once upon a time in a magickal land far far away the being called
anonym_easynews_poster stirred from its deep slumber and pronounced to
usenet:

: Ye divvint want to be joining that bunch of fuckin' losers unless ye
: yorsel' wants to look like a reet tosser, OK?
:
: How Aa came oot to find they wos shite like, wos when I started
: reading a few of them posts from some chief meow shite caaled Steve
: Lanyard or summick, an' aal he rote was fuck aal, like, mebbes a
: couple of lines on the end of some other Kunts post like, then this
: great big bliddy lang siggy thing wot Steve though wos funny and
: neebody else ever did.
:
: Whey, man, he went on keepin' deeing this for years and years and
: fuckin' years, like, and he still does this to this day - Aa believe-
: Aaa killfiled the Kunt yonks ago.
:
: Wot he daes, ya see, he gaans oot drivin' in his minicab trying to
: think of witty things tae say, like, but he can nivver think of nowt,
: so he reckons if he adds just mebbes a line on the end of some other
: buggers posts then adds his greet big siggy, as he calls it, well,
: then he will look like an anarchist he thinks.
:
: He's always in them dodgy groups an' aal where, according to Steve,
: dorty pictures are keep getting posted. Aa hope he is not doonloadin'
: them like, 'cos we Aal knaa wot happened to Mr. Townsend, eh, nivva
: mind Mr. Leyland?
:
: He looks mair like a Kunt tae me, like, if ye knaa' wot I mean, like?
:
: TRANSLATION - TO AVOID REQUESTS:
:
: You do not want to be joining that bunch of ne'er-do-wells unless you
: also wish to regard yourself as a loser.
:
: How I came to find out they were rather tacky, was, after reading a
: few posts from Steve Leyland, self-professed Miaow (or whatever)
: leader, I soon realised he was simply unable to string a few sensible
: sentences together. Instead, he would simply add an innocuous comment
: to someone else unabridged post then paste on his blood big sig file
: of thousands of words. From what I can perceive of the "man" he
: considers this continuous posting of huge screeds of other peoples'
: words to be some form of anarchy. To an ignorant minicab driver this
: may appear to be so, but to most posters he is simply a pain.
:
: p.s. His posting history also shows him to be a *very* frequent
: visitor to what are commonly known as "Kiddie-fiddler" froups. I pass
: no comment on that but thought I should include it so you may make
: your own judgement.
:
: HTH.

wot?

Steve Leyland
mhm32x16 Smeeter#24 WSD#41 Most Hated Usenetizen Of All Time#1
Top Asshole on the Net#4 Usenet Ruiner#11 Lits Slut#1
Alcatroll Labs Inc (bongwater maintenance dept)

=^MEOW MEOW ARMY^=

Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you
didn't have a good answer to. - Douglas Adams
======================================================================
"Warning to all: Steve Leyland is a trolling twat of the highest order.
Killfile the muppet now and move on. Even the briefest of searches on
his past UseNet posts will reveal the truth. You have been warned.
*plonk*" bear, uk.rec.motorcycles
======================================================================
"I didn't delete any part of your meaningless, pointless, worthless
post in order to clearly demonstrate that you are the nemesis of
Usenet: the crossposting, non-editing, diagram-creating worthless,
dickless, brainless, gutless, mindless, ball-less, spineless, flaccid,
obese, fish-belly pale, ugly, VD-ridden, moronic, bald, hunch-backed,
flat-footed, odoriferous, obnoxious, fecal-smelling, buck-toothed,
physically handicapped, fungus-infected, HIV positive, mud-packing,
masturbating, whining, simpering, self-important, arrogant, egomaniacal
POS that takes up more bandwidth than a despicable binary-poster, and
for no apparent reason beyond seeing his own defecatory vomitus
slithering down the screen in vile green rivulets."

Admiral Halsey, alt.sailing.asa
======================================================================
"I went to the Garden of Love,
And saw what I never had seen;
A Chapel was built in the midst,
Where I used to play on the green.

And the gates of this Chapel were shut
And "Thou shalt not," writ over the door;
So I turned to the Garden of Love
That so many sweet flowers bore.

And I saw it was filled with graves,
And tombstones where flowers should be;
And priests in black gowns were walking their rounds,
And binding with briars my joys and desires."

William Blake.
======================================================================
?Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this
right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to
seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and
regardless of frontiers.? Universal Declaration of Human Rights,
article 19.
======================================================================
"When the Earth has been ravaged and the animals are dying, a tribe of
people from all races, creeds and colours shall put their faith in
deeds, not words, and make the land green again. They shall be known as
Warriors of the Rainbow, protectors of the environment."

Native American prophecy

|\ _.-'~~""'~`'~)
/, ~-,__,,,.'~ ,-;;--''
|,4) ./ ' ; ;/'
'-~~;'@ ( ; ;
_.--'' _.-_..' .;.'
(,_..----''' (,..--''


meow.
*** THE OFFICIAL .SIG FILE COLLECTION ***
*** OF MHM9x2 ***

"You're dead meat Flaag. Dead, stinking meat."
- Grantland <mithril@iafrica.com> in article
<3636e706.99409360@ct-news.iafrica.com>

"Sometimes you just GOTTA hope Flaagg is a dumd as he
makes out to be!"
- Jerry Morris <jamorris@gwis.com> puts on an
ironic little "dumdshow" in article
<3612934c.156610959@news.gwis.com>

"Know anything about libel lawsuits? You will know all
about them very soon." -Glenn Webb
<zorbo@netrax.net> takes that final step into
net.kookdom in article <6ob5li$q2h2@ns1.netrax.net>

"i have probaly got more education than U."
- tami_@webtv.net, in
<6j7j4b$flm$1@newsd-134.iap.bryant.webtv.net>

"I had to check one last time to take a look at your
obsession with me."
- 'Al Capone' in
<6fjt28$5kfk$1@newssvr03-int.news.prodigy.com>

"None of your IKABWAIs, delusions, or self-contradictions
are worth responses."
- This SPANK brought to you by Spewbacca
<Thomas.Rimmler@nospam.metla.fi>, article
<34BD24B1.860747D5@nospam.metla.fi>, and the letter "Y".

"night and day i think about your throbbing manhood..."
- Peggy Marie Bell AKA essej is our
biggest fan in artcle
<Pine.GSO.3.95.971214003328.22032D-100000@jove.acs.unt.edu>

"The writer of this message may not be held responsible
for anything whatsoever. It's all Aaron Henne's fault."
- Lewis Bateman

"be a famous net flamer like this "Flaagg" who has written
so many notable flames and started so many long "flame
threads" under his memorable subject lines."
- Bill 'FLAME GIANT' Palmer swings on our meat in article
<65fmue$696@dfw-ixnews3.ix.netcom.com>.

"Go away."
- Peggy Bell <peggy@iglobal.net> in article
<3448a85e.978109@news.iglobal.net>

"we know you just want to be loved flaagg. deep down inside
thats what you want. however negative attention is not the
way to go. so, aaron michael, go to the corner and have some
quiet time lest we need to call your parents."
- jeremio isako, email: 9/27/97

"Why the =fuck= is this thread continuing?!"
- The Jammer <jfm@hopper.unh.edu>

"I've come to look on Flaagg as a somewhat kindred soul: more
UseNet Performance Artist than the net.vandal he's sometimes
made out to be. Not to say he can't be trolled, tho. He doesn't
know it, but one of the quotes he uses in his sigfile is
inaccurately attributed, because it was actually posted by
yours truly."
- Raoul H. Xemblinosky III <raoulx@hyuk.bungmunch.edu>

"You have just been trolled, dumbass."
- One Got Loose <have_you@seen.me?> in article
<5uij2d$c68@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net>

"you know, I really fucking hate it when people jump on my back
immediatly."
-blugwen91@aol.com

"If you like Brad Pitt you probably like Aaron Henne."
- A Man of GODD

"Aaron you are and always will be an asshole."
- "flamous person" (quoting a famous person) in
article <33bbff7c.401726432@news.alt.net>

"I DON'T STALK FLAAGG BUT I DO STALK AARON"
- bilsands@netcomuk.co.uk (Bill 'Skidmarks' Sands),
Nov. 27, 1996

".sig quotes are for idiots."
- flaagg@navicom.com (Flaagg), 1995

-
---
(_(
('')
_ "\ )>,_ .-->
_>--w/((_ >,_.'
///
"`"
mhm9x2
http://www.navicom.com/~flaagg

(_(
('')
_ "\ )>,_ .-->
_>--w/((_ >,_.'
///
"`"
888 888
888 888
888 888
8888b. 88888b. .d88b. 888888 88888b. .d88b. 888d888
"88b 888 "88b d88""88b 888 888 "88b d8P Y8b 888P"
..d888888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 88888888 888
888 888 888 888 Y88..88P Y88b. 888 888 Y8b. 888
"Y888888 888 888 "Y88P" "Y888 888 888 "Y8888 888

888 888 888
888 888 888
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888 "88b d88""88b 888 888 "88b d88""88b 888 d8P Y8b
888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 88888888
888 d88P Y88..88P Y88b. 888 888 Y88..88P 888 Y8b.
88888P" "Y88P" "Y888 888 888 "Y88P" 888 "Y8888
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888

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d8b 888 888
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88K 888 d88P"88b 888 "88b "88b 888 888 "88b
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X88 888 Y88b 888 888 d88P 888 888 Y88b. 888 888
88888P' 888 "Y88888 88888P" "Y888888 "Y888 888 888
888 888
Y8b d88P 888
"Y88P" 888
(_(
('')
_ "\ )>,_ .-->
_>--w/((_ >,_.'
///
"`"
---
-



/*
* Wait wait wait wait! *
* Matthew Kaidor doesn't READ demon.local! He *
* probably doesn't know what a "sigpath" _is_! *
* *
* Fortunately, Rubz saw the sigpath posted in *
* its entirety,and wrote it down for us. *
* *
*/





Sig-Path

1) You are obsessed with sig wars.
2) You moan about people with large sigs.
3) You will stamp your feet and demand they either leave
or cut their sig to 4 lines or less.
4) You will be told that 4 lines is an outdated concept.
5) You will say that your group is special and is allowed to
tell people from any other group what to do.
6) You will be told that you're fuckheads like all the rest.
6a) Fuckhead-demolition teams will move in.
6b) You will be told to post good reasons or shut up.
6c) Your own whining will be placed in sigs, making them bigger.
7) You will resort to unwarranted netcopping tactics.
7a) You will boast about netcopping.
8) You will complain about it being unsightly spam.
8a) You will pretend not to know what spam is.
8b) You will spam.
8c) You will boast about spamming.
9) You will start trolling with the 'waste of bandwidth' claim.
9a) You will profess your dislike of trollers.
9b) You will then say 'Bandwidth has never been an issue'
10) You will be told again that you should provide good reasons.
10a) You will start ignoring all articles and simply spam.
11) You will find that no-one is going to back-down.
11a) You will begin to foam at the mouth.
12) You will then do one of three things :-

A) Give in and shut up about it. (not an option)
B) Say "But we _always_ win. I'm right and you're wrong."
and evade everyone's questions until they go away.
C) Netcop everyone in sight and be spanked by your ISP for
being a whinging spamming hypocritical censor.


This will take about 8-20000 weeks from start to finish if you're
determined.

RubZ, in
In, <6iqcqh$7l7$1@info.abdn.ac.uk>, 6 May 1998


/*** And now, back to the .sig archive ***/

--

8888888 888 888 .d88888b. 8888888b.
888 888 888 d88P" "Y88b 888 Y88b
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MHM23X6 Y8P "Y88888P" 888 T88b

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8888888888 8888888 d8888 888b d888 888b d888 d8888
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888 888 d88P888 88888b.d88888 88888b.d88888 d88P888
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888 888 d8888888888 888 " 888 888 " 888 d8888888888
888 8888888 d88P 888 888 888 888 888 d88P 888

"Me Tarzan you Cheeta."
- Bakunin

"I think the shock of his ass, ehm face, should be so strong to force
him to delete other words from his brain in order to not find any
arguments against himself."
- EagleStorm

"Tipical of the dog to hate the master with the wood in his hand"
- one of the pizzaheads

::::01100110 01100001 00110001 00110011::::
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: / _| /_ |___ \ :
: | |_ __ _| | __) | :
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: :
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: _ __ ___ | |__ _ __ ___ :
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: |_| |_| |_|_| |_|_| |_| |_| :
: :
: ___ ____ __ :
: |__ \|___ \ / / :
: ) | __) |_ __/ /_ :
: / / |__ <\ \/ / '_ \ :
: / /_ ___) |> <| (_) | :
: |____|____//_/\_\\___/ :
: :
: :
::::01100110 01100001 00110001 00110011::::
: :
: T150 - credulous as hell :
: :
::::01100110 01100001 00110001 00110011::::
: :
: f a 1 3 2 3 at n e w s g u y dot c o m :
: :
::::01100110 01100001 00110001 00110011::::
: :
: THIS SPACE RESERVED FOR FUTURE QUOTE :
: :
::::01100110 01100001 00110001 00110011::::
: :
: This is here just to bug Matthew Kaidor :
: :
::::01100110 01100001 00110001 00110011::::
: :
: "you accidentally left a lame .sig in :
: this posting" :
: :
: "Bill Miller" :
: :
::::01100110 01100001 00110001 00110011::::


---------------------------------------------------------------->
|\__/,| (`\ M E D I C A L C A T A S T R O P H E
meow. _.|o o |_ ) ) The 26th Smeeter Vote for Stepp!
-------(((-mr(((------------------------------------------------>


AverageBob: The crowning achivement of Averagnosity.

Currently residing/flaming/trolling in alt.flame, alt.fan.karl-malden.nose,
and alt.fan.backstreet-boys

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8 `888 `88b d88' `888' `888' .o.
o8o `8 `Y8bood8P' `8' `8' Y8P


http://members.xoom.com/averagebob/ - An Average Flame Page

---------------------------------------
C, The Friendly Meow
Dennon Online Crossposting Support Team
A subsidiary of PORNPIG INDUSTRIES
---------------------------------------
M ================================================================= M
E ____ _____ _ _____ _ _ _ E
O / ___| |_ _| |__ ___ | ___| __(_) ___ _ __ __| | |_ _ O
W| | | | | '_ \ / _ \ | |_ | '__| |/ _ \ '_ \ / _` | | | | |W
M| |___ _ | | | | | | __/ | _|| | | | __/ | | | (_| | | |_| |M
E \____( ) |_| |_| |_|\___| |_| |_| |_|\___|_| |_|\__,_|_|\__, |E
O |/ |___/ O
W __ __ W
M | \/ | ___ _____ __ M
E | |\/| |/ _ \/ _ \ \ /\ / / E
O | | | | __/ (_) \ V V / O
W |_| |_|\___|\___/ \_/\_/ W
| |
* ----------------------------------------------------------------- *
Meow ======= Meow ======= Meow ======= Meow ======= Meow ======= Meow
Meow Meow
Meow "ALL FUCKING RIGHT... I SHORTENED MY SIGNATURE FILE AFTER Meow
Meow THE FIRST PERSON ASKED! Meow
Meow Meow
Meow Geez... you people really need to find something more Meow
Meow important to worry about..." Meow
Meow Meow
Meow Rupert Jones <rups_news@astralsol.demon.co.uk> to Meow
Meow demon.local in <oxn3HYAc5Kr1EwzM@astralsol.demon.co.uk> Meow
Meow "Re: I just love to count pennies" Meow
Meow Meow
Meow ======= Meow ======= Meow ======= Meow ======= Meow ======= Meow
---------------------------------------------------------------------
"it is sooooooooooo sad that c, the freindly is such a worthless
nerotic fuck that he has to fill space on someone elses time cause
he's not worth enough to have his own.
so you don't like a band he just has to be worthless piece of shit
wasting the time and breathing the air that should be reserved for
people who are worth at least something."

nicolas <essex@fidnet.com> in article <6q8gpt$i6$1@news.fidnet.com>
attempts a flame.
---------------------------------------------------------------------


The
2-Belo!news:alt.fan.karl-malden.nose!the2belo@alt(dot)net!meow!meow!meow
http://www2s.biglobe.ne.jp/~the2belo/ : The alt.fan.karl-malden.nose
WebCenter
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
88888888ba ,ad888888888888888888ba 888b 88888888888ba 88
,ad8888888
88 "8b d8"' '"8b "8b 8888b 88 "8b d8"'
88 ,8Pd8' `8b ,8P 88 `8b 88 ,8P 88 d8'
88aaaaaa8P'88 88 aaaaaaaa8P' 88 `8b 88 aaaaaaaa8P' 88 88
88""""""' 88 88 88""""88' 88 `8b 88 88""""""' 88 88
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`?8b
d88' d88' 88b`?88P'`88b`?88P'?8b`?888P' `?8b d88' d88'
`?888P'`?888P'

"/I/ will never mailbomb or flood again." -FyRE

"I can completely demolish a newsgroup if I so desired in the span
of three months." -Cypher the Nonexistent

"There are many silly superstitions about lightning, and as a result
many people - maybe you - are terrified of it. You shouldn't worry.
Thanks to modern science, we know know that lightning is nothing more
than huge chunks of electricity that can come out of the sky, anytime,
anywhere, and kill you." - Dave Barry

"People don't invest in PORNPIG INDUSTRIES, PORNPIG INDUSTRIES invests
in people. Whether they like it or not."
- Nigel Thornley, chairman, Dennon Online

[Not only is this .sig too LONG for demon.local, it's too fucking WIDE!]

\ /
###
# # ##### ### # # #### # # # # # #
## ## # # # # # # # # # # ## # ##
# # # #### # # # # # # ### # # # # # #
# # # # # # # # # # # ## # ## #
# # ##### ### ### #### # # # # # #


The 'Classic' ?El Brujo! .sig - still too long for demon.local
###############################################################
# http://www.webcene.com/El_Brujo/index.html #
# AIM: BrujoLoco ICQ:12068702 #
# _____________ __________ __ ._. #
# \_ _____/ | \______ \______ __ __ |__| ____| | #
# | __)_| | | | _|_ __ \ | \ | |/ _ \ | #
# | \ |__ | | \| | \/ | / | ( <_> )| #
# /_______ /____/ |______ /|__| |____/\__| |\____/__ #
# \/ \/ \______| \/ #
# "Your site sucks" - The Glenn Webb Seal of Approval(r) #
######**subliminal message**######A Brimful of Asha on 45######


*******************************************
* Flamer to the Gentry -- Prof. IACW *
* __ __ ___ ___ _ _ _ *
* | \ / || __| / _ \ |_|| | | | *
* | \/ || |_ | | | || || |_| | *
* | || |_ | | | || ||___ | *
* | |\ /| ||___||_| |_|| | | | *
* | | \/ | | | | | | *
* |_|____|_|____________/_/____/_/ *
* *
* mhm 20x8 -- "ludus non nisi sanguineus" *
* http://extra.newsguy.com/~fgentry *
*******************************************

"I know I'm going to regret saying this shit tomorrow [...]
Fuck all of you. You fucking fuckity fuck fuck. That's that."
-Cypher sobs drunkenly in
<6hllgh$fql$1@nnrp1.dejanews.com>

-
Thus saiyeth the Zit so it muts be true...

-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own

,---------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
,-------------------------------------------------------------------------
|:| Lewis Bateman arsenic at the hyphen pentagon dot com F ,---.,--.,---.
|:| - mhm 15x11 - *~ wilhelp (at) earthling (dot) net ~* N /,-. (\ /)
,-.\
|:| wsd 9 | D8C 1 m h m 1 5 x 1 1 at y a h o o dot c o m O ) >}{< (
|:| Smeeter : #17 - goldenapple at thepentagon dot com - R \`-" (/ \)
`-"/
|:| http://www.coolcathosting.com/~bdz/cretinarsenic.html D `---"`--"`---"
|:| ~"Open up your skull, I'll be there, climbing up the
walls." -Radiohead~
|-+-------------------------------------------------------------------------
| <alt><alien><vampire><flonk><flonk><flonk> .-P *FLONK!* q-.
<alt><control>
|-+------------------------------------------------------------------------|
|:| | \,-. ,-. . |
|
|:| \ | / | ! \ | \ | /
|
|:| \|/ | | | ,---. ,---. , . . | \|/
|
|:| -----+----- | | | / ` / \ | \ \
------+----|
|:| /|\ | | ; {----- { } | | | | /|\
|
|:| / | \ | ; / \ , \ / : ! ; / | \
|
|:| | | / / `---" `---" `-" `-" O |
|
|:|---------------------
/ ------------------------------------------------|
|:| Hail Eris { .- .-. .-. ..- --. .- .-.. .- All Hail
Discordia
|:| Sabeq. This \ .sig is too long for demon.local.
Sabeq.
|
`-------------------------------------------------------------------------
`---------------------------------------------------------------------------


-=-=-Peter Miller-mhm pending=-=-=-=-=-=Peter(at)wilhelp(dot)com-=-=-
____ ______ ______ ______ __ __ __ __ ______ __ __ ____
/ __ | / ____// ___//_ __// / / / / / / // __ // / / // __ |
/ / / // /_ / /__ / / / /_/ / / |/ // / / // / / // /_/ /
/ / / // __/ /___ / / / /_ __/ / // / / // / / // __ /
/ /_/ // /___ ____/ / / / / / / /| // / / // /_/ // / / /
/_____//_____//_____/ /_/ /_/ /_/ /_//_____/ |____//_/ /_/

>>>>>Brimful of Asha on a Forty-Five<<<<<

"The surest way to get your newsgroup filled to the rim with
cascades and meows is to barge into the flame groups pissing
and moaning about cascades and meows." -Lee Jackson Beauregard,
on the net.destruction of FyRE.

"Your post is inflammatory since it includes a .sig over four lines
long." -Chris Sharp, fanatic and Usenet Censor obsesses over the
length of my sigfile in <354e8edb.254512659@news.chriss.net>

"So, whatever your argument, I won." Scott 'Liquid'
Porter, maintaining his usual high standards of logic.

"I can call your posts spam without them breaching the BI if I want
to." -Chris 'Doh!' Sharp, maintaining those 'standards' again in
article <3563209a.357420413@news.chriss.net>

MEO OWME
EOWMEO EOWMEOW
EOWMEOWM MEOWMEOWM
WMEOWMEO WMEOWMEOW
MEOWMEOW EOWMEOWME
WMEOW MEOWMEOW MEOWMEO OWMEOW
EOWMEOWM MEOWMEO OWMEOW WMEOWMEOW
MEOWMEOWM EO EOWMEOWMEW
OWMEOWMEOW MEOWMEO OWMEOWMEOW
WMEOWMEOWM EOWMEOWMEOW WMEOWMEOW
MEOWMEOW MEOWMEOWMEOWME OWMEOWM
MEOWM EOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEO EOW
MEOW WME MEOWME
WMEOW E W EOWMEO
EOWME WME MEO EOWMEO
ME WMEOW MEOWM
OWMEOWMEOWMEOWME
EOWMEOWMEOWMEO



?
? ---
? ____
? / __/_ _____ ___ _______
? _\ \/ // (_-</ -_) __/ _ \ ---------------------------------------
? /___/\_, /___/\__/_/ \___/ Sysero, the Really
? /___/ Interesting d00d
? abuse@alt.fan.karl-malden.nose
? Editor, UPA Magazine Weekly ICQ: 47280458
?
? Opening whenever at:
? http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Pines/3115/ -----------------
?
?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vote for Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf in the 50 Most Beautiful People
poll!
He richly deserves your vote. Go to the following URL and vote right
now!
http://pathfinder.com/people/50most/1998/vote/index.html
Be sure to type it exactly like this: Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf
Or else your vote MIGHT NOT COUNT, and we wouldn't want that to happen!
Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf is also the mascot of demon.local, so be
sure to stop by demon.local and tell Scott "Liquishitz" Porter how much
you like Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf and want him to win the poll!
Oh, yea, Hank the Angry, Drunken Dwarf says add this to your sig too!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-=-=-=-=-=-To send me email, deny the racial epithet.=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Obfilter: Assassinate the President, but needs the password.
>>> Just keep click, click, clicking on wilhelp! >>>
-=-=-=alt.flame Resource Centre at: http://www.wilhelp.com/af/-=-=-=-


My .sig seems to have grown since yesterday...


88
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88 88
MM88MMM 88,dPPYba, ,adPPYba,
88 88P' "8a a8P_____88
88 88 88 8PP"""""""
88, 88 88 "8b, ,aa
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88 88
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88 88
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88P' "88" "8a 88 a8" `Y88 88P' "8a 88 `8b d8'
88 88 88 88 8b 88 88 88 88 `8b d8'
88 88 88 88 "8a, ,d88 88 88 88, `8b,d8'
88 88 88 88 `"YbbdP"Y8 88 88 "Y888 Y88'
aa, ,88 d8'
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88 88 88
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88P' "8a "" `Y8 88 88 a8" "8a a8" "8a
88 d8 ,adPPPPP88 88 88 8b d8 8b d8
88b, ,a8" 88, ,88 88 88 "8a, ,a8" "8a, ,a8"
8Y"Ybbd8"' `"8bbdP"Y8 88 88 `"YbbdP"' `"YbbdP"'

8 d8 8888 d8
8d8b.d8b. 8d8b. 8d8b.d8b. 8 8ww. Yb dP 8
8P Y8P Y8 8P Y8 8P Y8P Y8 8 `8 `8. 8
8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 Y88P dP Yb 8



---
9x2 .f9x2ff. .f9x2ff.
9x2 fffF Ffff fffF Ffff
9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2
9x2fff.ffff. 9x2fff. 9x2fff.ffff. Ffff. f9x2 9x2 9x2 .fffF
9x2 9x2 fff 9x2 fff 9x2 9x2 fff fF9x2F9x2 `FffffF' .ff9x2F
9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9ff2 fffFf
9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 Ffff fffF .ffffff. 9x2f
9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 9x2 fF9x2fFf 9x2 9x2 9x29x29x2f

http://www.navicom.com/~flaagg/sig.htm
"A Brimful of Asha on The 45"
---





<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>
< __ __ _________ .__ >
< / \ / \ ____ ____ / _____/____ __ __| | >
< \ \/\/ // __ \_/ __ \ \_____ \\__ \ | | \ | >
< \ /\ ___/\ ___/ / \/ __ \| | / |__ >
< \__/\ / \___ >\___ >_______ (____ /____/|____/ >
< \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ >
<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>
< _____ ___ ___ _____ ____ .________ .________ >
< / \ / | \ / \/_ || ____/__ ___ | ____/ >
< / \ / \/ ~ \/ \ / \| ||____ \\ \/ / |____ \ >
< / Y \ Y / Y \ |/ \> < / \ >
< \____|__ /\___|_ /\____|__ /___/______ /__/\_ \/______ / >
< \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ >
<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>
<^>.-D<^>Hubby FF*1<^>Smeeter#4<^>ws1<^>Three is a magic number...<^>
<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>
<^><^><^><^><^And all the science, Wee don't understand^><^><^><^><^>
<^><^><^><^><^><^>It's just my job, five days a week^><^><^><^><^><^>
<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>A flonker man...^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>
<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>
<^><^><^><^><^><^><^>?"A Brimful of Asha on 45"?<^><^><^><^><^><^><^>
<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>




ooooooooooooo oooo
8' 888 `8 `888
888 888 .oo. .ooooo.
888 888P"Y88b d88' `88b
888 888 888 888ooo888
888 888 888 888 .o
o888o o888o o888o `Y8bod8P'



.oooo. oooooooooo. oooo
.dP""Y88b `888' `Y8b `888
]8P' 888 888 .ooooo. 888 .ooooo.
.d8P' 888oooo888' d88' `88b 888 d88' `88b
.dP' 8888888 888 `88b 888ooo888 888 888 888
.oP .o 888 .88P 888 .o 888 888 888
8888888888 o888bood8P' `Y8bod8P' o888o `Y8bod8P'


MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWME BRIMFULOFASHAONA45 OWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW
EOWM The 2-Belo news:alt.fan.karl-malden.nose EOWM
OWME the2belo@alt dot net news:news.admin.net-abuse.meow OWME
WMEO CASHP #32-97 news:alt.life.sucks WMEO
MEOW mhm 21x20 icq #10742600 IDVS MEOVV CAVEAS MEOW
EOWM http://www2s.biglobe.ne.jp/~the2belo EOWM
MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW

Lee Jackson Beauregard comments on FyRE:

"The surest way to get your newsgroup filled to the rim with
cascades and meows is to barge into the flame groups pissing
and moaning about cascades and meows."

----------------------------

"I used to think the "MEOWlers" [sic] were intelligent and
anti abuse people, but it appears that bonehead
crossposting and pro-spam attitudes have infected
their ranks."

-"Burntcake", obviously on Usenet for all of 15 minutes


MEO OWME
EOWMEO EOWMEOW
EOWMEOWM MEOWMEOWM
WMEOWMEO WMEOWMEOW
MEOWMEOW EOWMEOWME
WMEOW MEOWMEOW MEOWMEO OWMEOW
EOWMEOWM MEOWMEO OWMEOW WMEOWMEOW
MEOWMEOWM EO EOWMEOWMEW
OWMEOWMEOW MEOWMEO OWMEOWMEOW
WMEOWMEOWM EOWMEOWMEOW WMEOWMEOW
MEOWMEOW MEOWMEOWMEOWME OWMEOWM
MEOWM EOWMEOWMEOWMEOWMEO EOW
MEOW WME MEOWME
WMEOW E W EOWMEO
EOWME WME MEO EOWMEO
ME WMEOW MEOWM
OWMEOWMEOWMEOWME
EOWMEOWMEOWMEO

This .sig is too long for demon.local. Dilligaf?




And a few others...



ROCKY

***************************************************************

BROOKE, RUPERT.

1914 V. THE SOLDIER


If I should die, think only this of me:

That there's some corner of a foreign field

That is for ever England. There shall be

In that rich earth a richer dust concealed;

A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware,

Gave, once, her flowers to love, her ways to roam,

A body of England's, breathing English air,

Washed by the rivers, blest by suns of home.



And think, this heart, all evil shed away,

A pulse in the eternal mind, no less

Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given;

Her sights and sounds; dreams happy as her day;

And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness,

In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

***************************************************************

CLUELESS WOMBAT CABAL



"Thou should'st be bold, licentious, full of gall
Wormwood, and sulphur, sharp, and toothed withal;
Become a petulant thing, hurl ink, and wit,
As madmen stones: not caring whom they hit."
- Ben Jonson

"It was completely relevant. But that is irrelevant. The relevancy of
my posts relevance is completely irrelevant."

"You proved that you do not know how to argue. Saying that an
Australian is different from a Mexican is completely retarded."

"You are
attempting to make some pathetic cascade but nobody else wants to get
flamed to cinders by me so you are on your own."


-Big Daddy Zues

wombats r us


*******************************************************************



Gesundheit...
...this is Chihu, signing off.
===
Chihuahua Gilliam Fnordling-5 (with an umlaut over it) Grub
702.FIT.TOWN
ICQ # 7883370
chacha@mactyre.net
chacha@tmbg.org
chihuahuagilliamfnordling5grub@think-site.org
Das Bistro: Where Every Morning Is Like A New Day
http://users.intercomm.com/teddt/db/
"Ask Me About My Geek Code!"
===

"Dear Mister Language Person: I am curious about the expression, "Part
of this complete breakfast". The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old
will be watching TV cartoon shows in the morning, and they'll show a
commercial for a children's compressed breakfast compound such as
"Froot Loops" or "Lucky Charms", and they always show it sitting on a
table next to some actual food such as eggs, and the announcer always
says: "Part of this complete breakfast". Don't that really mean,
"Adjacent to this complete breakfast", or "On the same table as this
complete breakfast"? And couldn't they make essentially the same
claim if, instead of Froot Loops, they put a can of shaving cream
there, or a dead bat?

Answer: Yes."

-Dave Barry, "Tips for Writers"

===
Soybean futures pale when carageen is sent under the enigma of
postage stamped upon your brow.
From the Surrealist Compliment Generator
(http://pharmdec.wustl.edu/cgi-bin/jardin_scripts/SCG)



This message xposted to demon.local because I thought it would be
funny.


******************************************************************





:::!~!!!!!:.
.xUHWH!! !!?M88WHX:.
.X*#M0$!! !X!M$$$$$$WWx:.
Death :!!!!!!?H! :!$!$$$$$$$$$$8X:
!!~ ~:~!! :~!$!#$$$$$$$$$$8X:
Comes !~::!H!< ~.U$X!?R$$$$$$$$MM!
~!~!!!!~~ .:XW$$$U!!?$$$$$$RMM!
Ripping !:~~~ .:!M"T#$$$$WX??#MRRMMM!
~?WuxiW*` `"#$$$$8!!!!??!!!
:X- M$$$$ `"T#$T~!8$WUXU~
:%` ~#$$$m: ~!~ ?$$$$$$
:!`.- ~T$$$$8xx. .xWW- ~""##*"
..... -~~:<` ! ~?T#$$00W0*?$$ /`
W$00M!!! .!~~ !! .:XUW$W!~ `"~: :
#"~~`.:x%`!! !H: !WM$$$$Ti.: .!WUn+!`
;;;~:!!`:X~ .: ?H.!u "$$$B$$$!W:U!T$$M~
.~~ :X0!.-~ ?0WTWo("*$$$W$TH$! `
Wi.~!X$?!-~ : ?$$$B$Wu("**$RM!
$ROi.~~ ! : ~$$$$$B$$en:``
?MXTOWx.~ : / ~"##*$$$$M~
$$$$"

BOW TO THE PORNPIG!!!


*******************************************************************




"Hey Vulis, you have a kid of the right age, right?"

Guy Polis, looking for Mr. Right in article
<6ij44t$81s@news1.panix.com>, 5/3/98

"A Brimful of Asha on a 45"

"Caputo's customers must really hate him. They make he
and his policies look so stupid every day..."

Scott "Liquishitz" Porter of demon.local displays
his great intellect and command of English in
article <354cf44f.23298757@news.demon.co.uk>, 5/3/98

"A Brimful of Asha on a 45"

S "All the sodomite posters
I to demon.local are hereby
R ORDERED on pain of MEOWING
to forward their faggy ass
R lameoid opinions about
I my artistic sig file to
C someone who might
H care, such as the
A late Generalissimo
R Francisco Franco y
D Bahamonde, or maybe
Wurk@AOL.com, or maybe
P Windigo the Fuckhead
U (aka Fellatrix of the
M Castrated Albinotross)
P or Jorn. But something
A tells me that not even
L Jorn cares about a pack
O of pathetic whingeing
A wankers like the sods
F who post to demon.local

*************************************************************


-==KOMRADE PAVEL RADIOAKTOGRAD XVII, CCCP==-
ALL HAIL THE VICTORY OF THE COMMON WORKERS

..
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$B. *$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$*
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J$$$$$$$$$$$L ~$$$$$$$$$$$$$$U&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$~
d$$$$$$$$E "$$$ ?$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$x
9$$$$$$$$$* *R$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&
@$$$$$$$$$" `?$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c
$$$$$$$$* ~**R$$$$$$$$$$R**~ *$$$$$$$$&.
'$$$$$E" ``""`` ?$$$$$$$$$x
'*$$$$$$$$&
?$$$$$$$$N
*$$$$$$f
?$$$$"


MEOWSKI

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
BIG DADDY ZEUS, The Loose Cannon
"The whole fucking show!"
www.hell-flame-wars.org
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
1998 alt.flame awards
SPACE RESERVED FOR
"FLAMER OF THE YEAR"
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
1997 alt.life.sucks awards
WORST OFF/CROSS POSTER AWARD
BIGGEST ASSHOLE
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
1998 alt.life.sucks awards
THIS SPACE RESERVED
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


The 'Classic' ?El Brujo! .sig - still too long for demon.local
###############################################################
# http://www.webcene.com/El_Brujo/index.html #
# Guestbook added May 09, 1998 #
# AIM: BrujoLoco ICQ:12068702 #
# _____________ __________ __ ._. #
# \_ _____/ | \______ \______ __ __ |__| ____| | #
# | __)_| | | | _|_ __ \ | \ | |/ _ \ | #
# | \ |__ | | \| | \/ | / | ( <_> )| #
# /_______ /____/ |______ /|__| |____/\__| |\____/__ #
# \/ \/ \______| \/ #
# "Your site sucks" - The Glenn Webb Seal of Approval(r) #
#<----------------------Spite line 1------------------------->#
#<----------------------Spite line 2------------------------->#
#<----------------------Spite line 3------------------------->#
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#<---------------------Spite line 12------------------------->#
#<---------------------Spite line 13------------------------->#
#<---------------------Spite line 14------------------------->#
#<---------------------Spite line 15------------------------->#
######**subliminal message**######A Brimful of Asha on 45######

demon. localan
nexedbyth eEmpireofMe
owMay10,1998 demon.localann
exedbytheEmpir eofMeowMay10,199
8demon.localann exedbytheEmpireof
MeowMay10,1998de mon.localannexedby
theEmpireofMeowM ay10,1998demon.loca
lannexedbytheEmpi reofMeowMay10,199
8demon.localannex edbytheEmpireofMeo
wMay10,1998demon. localannexedbytheE mpireofMe
owMay10,1 998demon.localan nexedbytheEmpireo fMeowMay10,19
98demon.local annexedbytheEmpi reofMeowMay10,1 998demon.locala
nnexedbytheEmpi reofMeowMay10, 1998demon.loc alannexedbytheEmp
ireofMeowMay10, 1998demon.l ocalanne xedbytheEmpireofMe
owMay10,1998demon .loc alannexedbytheEmpir
eofMeowMay10,1998d emon.locala nnexedbytheEmpireofM
eowMay10,1998demon. localannexedby theEmpireofMeowMay10
,1998demon.localann exedbytheEmpireofM eowMay10,1998demon.
localannexedbytheEm pireofMeowMay10,1998de mon.localannexedby
theEmpireofMeowMay 10,1998demon.localannexe dbytheEmpireofMeo
wMay10,1998demon .localannexedbytheEmpireofM eowMay10,1998d
emon.localann exedbytheEmpireofMeowMay10,1998 demon.local
annexedby theEmpireofMeowMay10,1998demon.local annex
edby theEmpi reofMeo
wMay10, 1998d emon.locala
nnexedbyth eE mpireofMeowM
ay10,1998d em on .localannexe
dbytheEmpi reo fMe owMay10,1998
demon.loca lanne xedby theEmpireofM
eowMay10, 1998de mon.lo calannexed
byth eEmpireo fMeowM
ay10,1998demon.localannexedbytheEmpi
reofMeowMay10,1998demon.localan
nexedbytheEmpireofMeowMa




coochie coo alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk
ben capoeman mhm 15x1 wsd10 balloo at munged dot com
jelliebun's dainty ursine of delight meow
my .sig is aavf3 compliant meow
ooh just waiting for the ikyabwai from chriss meow

*

?"A Brimful of Asha on 45"?

*

The bitter irony of Porn is that you only get to see the
ending if it's bad.
-Flaagg,
in <MPG.fbd3e46702c935a98a4d4@news.navicom.com>

Smee
Minion of Space Girl
MHM 20x18
WSD 15
Rockette #4
Smeeter Keeper



________ ________
/ ______/\ / ______/\ ___ ___
/ /\_____\/ / /\_____\/ / /\ / /\
/ /_/__ / /_/__ / / / / / /
/ _____/\ / _____/\ / / / / / /
/ /\____\/ / /\____\/ / / / / / /
/ / / / / / /__/ / /__/ /
/_/ / /_/ / \__\/ \__\/
\_\/ \_\/

Frosted Flake*** .-D
Rockette *1
wsd18 A brimful of asha on a 45
smeeter #7 ---->
mhm 21x21
Just a little flake ...with a whole lotta 'tude "
ICQ#7331103
ACC # 406161
Lieutenant to the Black Dragon Squad
http://fsinfo.cs.uni-sb.de/~dewes/fu.html
DRNC - Minister of Frosted Flakes and Queen of Icicles

@ @
^
O


minou. mhm22x5
spanky spanky spanky.
.._ _ _ <_>._ _ ___ _ _
| ' ' || || ' |/ . \| | |
|_|_|_||_||_|_|\___/`___|
dmeather@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca
--dig it-->mhm 22x5<--
smeeter #21 WoS1&2 wsd #21
icq: 9288803 ACC# 598064
www.ualberta.ca/~dmeather/
--
kiss me, please kiss me
kiss me out of desire,
baby, not consolation.
- jeff buckley -


-Somebody mhm 17x2 ACC# 988765 8th Disciple of the Anticrust
1st Smeeter WMo3RLP ICQ:13718758 SPotFECotAoL Rockette #7,
Typo Boy Extraordinare and keeper of the rules of flonk.

The First Earthly Church of the Anticrust our Lord
http://toast.micronetix.net

/me spanks Jelliebun, as per agreement.
/me spanks minou, as per agreement.
/me spanks arroo, as per agreement.
/me spanks smee, as per agreement.
/me spanks Frosted Flake, just because.
/me hides from Rocky.
/me gets spanked by FF while Rocky helps.
/me spanks Rocky while FF helps, for Rocky is a smart alec.
/me spanks Frosted Flake again, for she is a smart alec.
/me spanks minou again, for she is a smart alec.
/me spanks Arsenic, as per agreement
/me watches the .sig grow.


/\ \/\ \ __ /\_ \
\ \ `\\ \/\_\ __ __\//\ \
\ \ , ` \/\ \ /'_ `\ /'__`\\ \ \
\ \ \`\ \ \ \/\ \_\ \/\ __/ \_\ \_
\ \_\ \_\ \_\ \____ \ \____\/\____\
\/_/\/_/\/_/\/___L\ \/____/\/____/
/\____/
\_/__/
______ __ ___
/\__ _\/\ \ /\_ \
\/_/\ \/\ \ \___ ___ _ __ ___ \//\ \ __ __ __
\ \ \ \ \ _ `\ / __`\/\`'__\/' _ `\ \ \ \ /'__`\/\ \/\ \
\ \ \ \ \ \ \ \/\ \_\ \ \ \/ /\ \/\ \ \_\ \_/\ __/\ \ \_\ \
\ \_\ \ \_\ \_\ \____/\ \_\ \ \_\ \_\/\____\ \____\\/`____ \
\/_/ \/_/\/_/\/___/ \/_/ \/_/\/_/\/____/\/____/ `/___/> \
/\___/
\/__/

___ ___ ___ ___
/\ _\ /\ \ /\ \ /\__\
/:/ /ulis /::\ \f \:\ \he /::| |onth
/:/ / /:/\:\ \ \:\ \ /:|:| |
/:/__/ ___ /:/ \:\ \ /::\ \ /:/|:|__|__
|:| | /\__\ /:/__/ \:\__\ /:/\:\__\ /:/ |::::\__\
|:| |/:/ / \:\ \ /:/ / /:/ \/__/ \/__/~~/:/ /
|:|__/:/ / \:\ /:/ / /:/ / /:/ /
\::::/__/ \:\/:/ / \/__/ /:/ /
~~~~ \::/ / /:/ /
\/__/ \/__/

_ __ _ _ _ __
/_| / _)_ '_ (_ / (_ /_| _ / _ _// _ (_//_
( | /(_)/ ///)/ (/( ()/ ( |_) /)(/ ()/) //)(- / __)


The Annoying Quote .sig of H. West!


--
"I was talking about H West's post! So don't get
bent out shape! If you want to see just what kind of
asshole the guy is just look at what he has these
messages cross posting to! He is one sick bastard!"
- "SuperTech_AGQ2" <F#%$@SPAMSCREWED.COM>

"Sorry I just been putting up with this cross
posting nightmare! started by a guy that is
definitely a scourge on the Usenet! Who everyone has
kill filed by now but this thread will not die!"
- "SuperTech_AGQ2" <F#%$@SPAMSCREWED.COM>

"Then the trolls really piled on. H. West had been
looking for a flamewar to call his own since he had
just lost one in a particularly spectacular fashion,
and this was perfect. His name alone was enough to
call in a host of anti-Wests."
- WWS <wschmidt@tyler.net>

"H.West obviously has some sort of superiority
complex and he's stubborn to add to that."
- "Professor X" <no@spam.com>

"Oh please, West ! tone down your biggotry for
minute. Your ego is starting to crack the glass on
my monitor."
- Ralph Schwarten <easralph@davros.eas.gu.edu.au>

"You know, you are starting to turn me on westy !"
- Ralph Schwarten <easralph@davros.eas.gu.edu.au>

"You're a sick bastard H. West, and I admire you for
that."
- RJL <RJL@NOSPAMrocketmail.com>

"Great sig., H !"
- Onion <onion@flasju.nota.net>

"Oh dear, this borders on the tasteless and comes
curiously close to a certain blasphemy. I am
shocked its taken this long for someone to do it.
Bravo for ripping my sensibilities to shreds and
allowing the tatters to glimpse a almost certain
section of hell."
- KAYVEN <kayven@aol.com>

"Do you have trouble counting to 1? Are you lonely
and bored? Do you constantly smell like filth, no
matter how many nights you skip sweet-pig-love in the
barn? You meet the basic requirements to join the
ULC: http://ulc.org/ulc"
- H. West <suarel@idt.net>

"What if these spams are merely tendrils rolled forth
from some greater horror, some abhorrent beast of the
usenet worming forth its mighty appendages in a
horrible network of cyclopean madness. Dear lord man,
underneath us! In the very ground!!!"
- H. West <suarel@idt.net>

"I know I am a troll, please do not bother telling
me; or you will make it quite obvious you are a
gibbering fool licking at the rectum of lunacy."
- H. West <suarel@idt.net>

"new quotes!!hey we all wanna be in that sig!!..dio I
have to be real mean to get in????"
- Tommy T <burnt@nmia.com>

"And now we return you to your regularly scheduled
misspelled insults in all capital letter and bloated,
self-referential .sig files..."
- Dayv! <dbenzino@erols.com>

"your sig is 22 lines too long. 4 lines or less, it's
not just the law, it's a fire-prevention measure."
- Aidan <aidan@skinner.demon.co.uk>

"You live for trolling, don't you?"
- Hydro <eye@hatespam.net>

"Man that is sad... you quote YOURSELF!! hahaha that
is pretty low"
- David Kerr <kerrd@hotmail.com>

?? ?? ?? ?? ??????????? ???????????? ????????????
????? ????????? ???????? ????????? ??????????? ???????????? ????????????
?
???? ????????? ??????? ????????? ??????????? ???????????? ?????????????
?
??? ???? ??? ???? ??? ? ? ? ??? ?? ? ? ??? ??
?
???? ????????? ??????? ????????? ?? ???? ? ???? ?? ? ????????????? ?? ?
?
??????????????? ?????? ????????? ??????????? ?? ???????? ???????? ??
?
??????????????? ?????? ????????? ??????????? ??? ????????? ????????
??????
??????????????? ?????? ????????? ??????????? ?? ????????? ????????
??????
???? ? ???? ??????? ????????? ?? ? ? ?? ? ? ?????? ????????
??????
??? ??? ???? ?????? ??? ??? ?? ? ?????? ? ???????? ???????
??????
??? ???????? ??? ????????? ?? ?? ????????????????????? ???????
??????
???? ????????? ??? ??? ???? ? ?? ???????? ????????????? ????????
??????
???? ????????? ???? ???? ? ? ?? ?? ???????? ????????????? ????????
??????
? ??? ????? ??? ???? ??? ?????? ?? ??? ???????? ????????????? ???? ???
??????
? ? ? ????? ?? ?? ?? ?????? ? ?? ???? ?? ?? ?? ?? ? ?? ????? ??
??????
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

???????????????????????????
??????? ? ? ? ? ????
????? H. WEST 1998 ?????
???? ? ? ? ? ???????
???????????????????????????3/4

?????????*?????1/4???3/4???????????????????????????????????????1
/2??3/4??????????????????????????????????????????*?????1/4?????
?????????????1/4?????*?????1/4?1/2??3/4?????1/4?1/2??3/4?????????
???????1/4???????????3/4????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????*?????1/4?1/2??3/4???????????????????????????????
?????????*?????????*??????????????*?????1/4?1/2??????*?????1
/4?1/2??3/4????????????????????????????????????????????????????
?*?????1/4?1/2??3/4????????????????????????????????????*?????1
/4?1/2??3/4?????????????????????????????????1/2??3/4?????????????
???????????????????????????????????*?????1/4?1/2??3/4???????????
???????????????????????3/4??????????????????????????????????????
????*?????1/4?1/2????????????????1/2??????*?????1/4?1/2??3/4????
?????????????????????????????????1/2??3/4??????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????1/2??3/4???????



>Charlie M. Babbage
>Chief Inspection Officer, Dolphin Division
>Uncle Nanook's Seafood, Inc.
>
>
> -: fa13 :-
>-: mhm 23x6 :-
>
>f a 1 3 2 3 at n e w s g u y dot c o m

_ _______ _ _______
|\ /|( ( /|( ____ \( \ ( ____ \
| ) ( || \ ( || ( \/| ( | ( \/
| | | || \ | || | | | | (__
| | | || (\ \) || | | | | __)
| | | || | \ || | | | | (
| (___) || ) \ || (____/\| (____/\| (____/\
(_______)|/ )_)(_______/(_______/(_______/

_______ _______ _________ _______
( ____ \( ____ )\__ __/( ____ \
| ( \/| ( )| ) ( | ( \/
| (__ | (____)| | | | |
| __) | __) | | | |
| ( | (\ ( | | | |
| (____/\| ) \ \_____) (___| (____/\
(_______/|/ \__/\_______/(_______/

______ _________ _______ _______ _______ _______ _______
( ___ \ \__ __/( ____ \( ____ \|\ /|( ___ )( ____ \( ____ \
| ( ) ) ) ( | ( \/| ( \/| ) ( || ( ) || ( \/| ( \/
| (__/ / | | | (_____ | | | (___) || | | || (__ | (__
| __ ( | | (_____ )| | | ___ || | | || __) | __)
| ( \ \ | | ) || | | ( ) || | | || ( | (
| )___) )___) (___/\____) || (____/\| ) ( || (___) || ) | )
|/ \___/ \_______/\_______)(_______/|/ \|(_______)|/ |/

/==============================/==========================/
/ uncleeric AT hotmail DOT com / rec.sport.pro-wrestling / JOHN
/ / alt.fan.karl-malden.nose / HENRY
/ The Meow World Order / alt.bonehead.john-henry / SUCKS
/==============================/==========================/

Currently trolling:
alt.fan.hanson,alt.pizza.delivery.drivers

---------------------- ------- [===============] M M EEEEE OOO W
W
Over |||___||| [ | | ] MM MM E O O W
W
One Hundred posts to \/ \/ [|/\/\ \ ^ / /-\] M M M EEE O O W W
W
rec.sport.pro-wrestling ( 100 ) [| | | V V \_/] M M E O O W W
W
----------------------- \___/ [===============] M M EEEEE OOO W W

"I'll give up Usenet Performance Art when they pry the keyboard from my
cold, dead fingers" - The 2-Belo

"*most* trolls aren't sufficiently lifeless enough to actually pay for
access through altopia - most of their users are commercial spammers"
- John Henry shows he doesn't have a clue, <6s7eap$63o$1@supernews.com>

"if you like Hanson I hope you spontaneously combust. And if you don't like
my statement, you can write me a long letter with a self addressed stamped
envelope straight to hell where you belong." - Tenchi777@aol.com

"Please keep this wannabe-alternative, trying to find something cooler to
be
than pale and tragic, puppy-f*cking, escapist, useless fantasy tripe for
people who don't have the balls to just stand up and be themselves and so
must portray themselves as mythical creatures to keep themselves convinced
that their failed, petty, useless lives are of some consequence..." - John
Henry, <62afbh$63$1@news.rdu.bellsouth.net>, referring to the inhabitants
of alt.horror.werewolves after reading their FAQ

"Here's one for ya, sparky - I'm *out*. Let's see how much the place
improves without the dark destroyer John Henry in here to fuck everything
up. I'll be lurking, but after today, I'm not going to post for awhile.
Let's see how much better things get." - John Henry, 2/20/98,
<LYnH.748$0s1.1953375@news1.atl.bellsouth.net>

"Well, troll, you wanted to draw me out - it worked. Hope you enjoy losing
your degree over this...hope the pride you feel in having goaded me into a
response is worth the loss of your education." - John Henry, 2/27/98,
<ZlqJ.157$dX2.328840@news1.atl.bellsouth.net>

"In that case, this *should* be about the last one from the old
NetBastard."
- John Henry, 3/24/98, <S7FR.145$lq4.528523@news3.atl.bellsouth.net>

"Dr. John Grubor cross posts to rspw... someone please smack John Henry
upside the head for bring the upon us innocents of rspw."
- John D. Williams

"I'll gloat too. I'm responsible for causing the creation of a new
newsgroup. I've contributed to increased bandwidth. I've made a
difference." - Slump

"I'm was tested with genius-level intelligence at age 10, with certificates
stating such." - John Henry, <HjIN.50$xF.196960@news3.atl.bellsouth.net>

"Fuck off, RSPW-U. You're all a bunch of fucking losers that are too
fucking stupid to know what fucking loser you are. have fun playing with
your dicks and proving me right some more." - John Henry,
<QuIN.53$xF.203760@news3.atl.bellsouth.net>

--
D040

VOTM Runner-Up, September

"Hopelessly entranced
By his computer graphics
Taka sees no birds"

Chris "Haiku Bomber" Sivewright

"As Russians say, if you beat a hare enough,
it can learn to light matches."

Dimitri Vulis, Ph.D.

"I am currently working on a proof that the
AntiChrist is a ham sandwich."

John A. Limpert

\O/ \o/ \O/ \o/ \O/ \o/ \O/ \o/ \O/ \o/ \O/
? $ ? $ ? $ ? $ ? $ ?
( \ ( \ ( \ ( \ ( \ ( \ ( \ ( \ ( \ ( \ ( \


)\ O_._._._A_._._._O /(
\`--.___,'=================`.___,--'/
\`--._.__ __._,--'/
\ ,. l`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'l ,. /
__ \||(_)!_!_!_.-._!_!_!(_)||/ __
\\`-.__ ||_|____!!_|;|_!!____|_|| __,-'//
\\ `==---='-----------'='-----------`=---==' //
| `--. ,--' |
\ ,.`~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~',. /
\|| ____,-------._,-------._,-------.____ ||/
||\|___!`======="!`======="!`======="!___|/||
|| |---||--------||-| | |-!!--------||---| ||
__O_____O_ll_lO_____O_____O|| |'|'| ||O_____O_____Ol_ll_O_____O__
o H o o H o o H o o H o o |-----------| o o H o o H o o H o o H o
___H_____H_____H_____H____O =========== O____H_____H_____H_____H___
/|=============|\
()______()______()______() '==== +-+ ====' ()______()______()______()
||{_}{_}||{_}{_}||{_}{_}/| ===== |_| ===== |\{_}{_}||{_}{_}||{_}{_}||
|| || || / |==== s( )s ====| \ || || ||
======================() ================= ()======================
----------------------/| ------------------- |\----------------------
/ |---------------------| \
-'--'--' () '---------------------' ()
/| ------------------------- |\ --'--'--'
--'--' / |---------------------------| \ '--'
() |___________________________| () '--'-
--'- /| _______________________________ |\
--' gpyy / |__________________________________| \

_,_,_,_,_,_,_,_,_
,-./| Glory P Y Yip |\,-.
' / )| aka. Glory Moon |( \ _`.
,`/ |,`| |`.| \,_\
_,;/_|' | alt.ascii-art | `\._\_|gpyy
~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~

_, _ __, _, _ _ _,_ _, ___ _, _,_ , _ _,
|\/| |_ / \ | | |_| / \ | / \ |_/ \ | / \
| | | \ / |/\| | | \ / ~~ | \ / | \ \| \ /
~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~\ ~ ~ ~ ~ ) ~
~'



Blitz the Cat
<><><><><><>
My previous sig. file was nonexistent,
this prompted minou to post the following remark:
"...and it would be nice if whoever i am replying to
would sign their bloody posts. really now." 12/13/98
********************


*** And what .sig archive could be without the ***
*** THOUSAND LINE .SIG OF ***
*** JULY FORD-McKENNA ***
*** um, that was a question, so I gotta put a ***
*** question mark here now.***

*** ? ***


BEGIN .SIG

[ ] click here if you'd like to download SPIFFY NEW .SIG!! (tm)
[ ] click here if you wouldn't. Ooops! Too late!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ALL HAIL THE PORNPIG. AND PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO SAY HELLO TO

!!!!!MY SPIFFY NEW SIG!!!!!
.sig last updated 7th August 98

S N .S!!(tm) v4.0 (c) PORNPIG INDUSTRIES 1998

--------------------------------------------------------------

Attention flonkers, nosers, altflamers, aunties, sig.bunnies,
dolphin-fishers, disneyites, frogs, kooks and other netizens

TIRED of reading fuckhead cascades?
FED UP TO THE BACK TEETH with "me too!!!"
BORED with downloading hundreds of HFW lames?
SICK of reading dozens of permutations of the "bitch" flame?
IF YOU SEE ONE MORE BLOODY "yer sig's too long" you'll KILL YOURSELF?


***THIS SPIFFY .SIG!! (tm) will revolutionize USENET!!!***


Killfile everyone but me. That's July Ford-McKenna. That's it -
*plonk* the lot of 'em. *PLONK* *PLONK* *PLONK*

Then read my .sig once a week.



THE SPIFFY .SIG!!(tm) There is NO substitute.


========================================================================


And remember that THE SIFFY .SIG!! (tm) is *just*
the right length for demon.local


========================================================================

-NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS--NEWS-

* July Ford-McKenna and July Ford-McKenna to decide who is the *REAL* July
Ford-McKenna. Melvin looks on, slack-jawed.

* The 2-Vulii-Belo makes bid for September Vulis of the Month.

* Roger Williams opens talks on the future of a.g.b.-p. Will it be
rm-grouped,
or will Palmjob's pride and joy be co-moderated by John "Juan" Hausmann
and
Arnaud "Menjy" Fercq?

* Oldbies return, providing proof that alt.flame *must* have sucked just as
badly in the good old days.

* THE SPIFFY SIG!! (tm) finally reaches the magical 1000 lines, and is
donated
to The 2-Belo's UPA archive.

* Currently under UIP for unspeakable lameness, Timmy Thorne finally goes
completely round the twist and decides Grundletwig is Roger Williams, and
Average Bob is Neuron.

* Umm, that's it, really.

=============================================================================

!!!COMPETITION!!! Win a prize by using your space bar to make the dots into
a
ascii representation of B?atrice Dalle in a *really* skimpy boiler suit.

BONUS PRIZE FOR EXTRA-POUTY LIPS!!!

=============================================================================

join these dots to get straight to the new stuff.........
(and win a prize in the competition) .
.
.sig seps here. .
. .
. .
. .
.
---- (that's four .sig seps. Deal with it.) .
--- (this is three) .
-- <--- this would be a proper .sig sep. .
*-* I like this one too. .
//// which do *you* prefer? .
.... this one? .
I'm sure I'll think of something. .
.
How 'bout a ?ig ?ep made out of ?edillas? .
.
??????? .
.
Nope. Too ?issy. .
.
I'm WORKING on it, dammit. Give me time. .
.
Ahem. The .sig... .
.
Tadaaaaa! .
.
UPDATES : .sig updated 7th August 1998 .
.
AND all the new stuff's at the top! Clever, eh? .
.
(with three hyphens as a .sig sep) .
.
.
here _____ see? .
| / .
V / .
--- <----/ .
Melt a Tenth Frogery -- "snug onus inside usual inn" .
http://if.you.have.to.ask.we.don't.want.you.there .
.
SIG GUESTBJOOK . .
-------------- . .
this way to the guestbjook. .

.
Please Sign The .sig Guestbjook .
________________________________ .
Name |________________________________| the kwote
________________________________ korner's
E-mail Address |________________________________| down here
________________________________ .
Home .sig |________________________________| .
________________________________ .
Title of your .sig |________________________________| .
________________________________ .
Where are you from? |________________________________|
..
________________________________
..
How did you find our .sig? |________________________________|
..
_
..
Check here if you would like this to be a private message! |_| .
________________________________ .
Comments: | | .
| | .
| | .
| | .
| | .
| | .
| | .
|________________________________| .
.
oh, sod
it
just hit
View previous .sig guestbjook entries "scroll
down"
_ 3 times
Click here ... |_|

Then scroll down a bit.









Bit more...








Here we are. THE GUESTBJOOK
--------------
"I always pined for the subtlety of a Boyd troll..." [Melvin]
"Yes" [Spiro]
"I do believe!" [arroo]
"Awesome .sig, whoever you are! " [The 2-Belo]
"Mr. Ford-McKenna, it's posts like yours that
make me glad that quoting sigs is mandatory in
demon.local!" [Nigel Thornley]
"Me too! [Flaagg]
"I agree. It's even better than the old one." [C, the friendly Meow]
"Yes, very much sir!" [Dr. My Eyes]
"m3 t00 d00d" [The *real* McKenna]
"<sniffle> Why the bots, Egan?" [Coochie-Coo]
"<insert standing ovation here>" [fa13]
"[chants] WE WANT 1000 LINES! WE WANT 1000 LINES!
WE WANT 1000 LINES! WE WANT 1000 LINES!" [The real, 1 & only
McK]
"I like it." [IRS Agent]
"So do I." [Nigel Thornley]
"Me too." [Urbane Cowgirl]
"This .sig I DO approve of." [Roual Xebblimmoski]



Headers provided courtesy PORNPIG INDUSTRIES

http://www.protong.org/2belo/

Well, they *will* be once I get round to it. I'm thinking about the
collected
works of Arnold "Menjy" Fuck, but I haven't decided yet.


Kwote Korner
------------

"Being recognized in Spark's flame guide is like being the
valedictorian of summer school."

-Stain

"If you want recognition, just send a virtual SASE, and I'll happily
send your parents their very own "My teenager is a fuckhead on
alt.flame" bumper sticker."

-Stain, to some fuckhead

"People don't invest in PORNPIG INDUSTRIES, PORNPIG INDUSTRIES
invests
in people. Whether they like it or not."

-Nigel Thornley, VOTM & Chairman of Dennon Online

"PORNPIG INDUSTRIES remains one of the few companies willing to
invest
in the future. Your children are our future, and we're coming for
your
children."

-Nigel Thornley, VOTM & Chairman of Dennon Online

> PBK, you witless pencil neck.

"Peanut Butter and Kerosine? Bon appetite, tubbo."

-The Mighty Balloo, to Oden.

"It's only a matter of time before your soft little head collides
with
the cold, hard, graffiti-covered concrete of the real world. And it
won't bounce.

Wham. Splatter."

-Stain, on Texas Tom and academia

"I used to run around the house naked, until I got smart
and stopped locking myself out."

-Flaagg

"A man, a plan, a canal - Panama."

-anon. Most famous palindrome ever written.

"A man, a mouse, a crack security team armed with tasers and a
fanatical need for you to be happy or pistol whipped - Disneyworld."

-fa13. Arguably the worst palindrome ever written, but a nice
quote.


This
is
my
..sig
and
I'll
cheat
if
I
want
to
..
..
..
..
..... cheat lines added to get to 1000-line total.

This was me sharing my SPIFFY SIG!!! with alt.animals.dolphins yesterday
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I trimmed some of those flame group thingies from the headers, 'cause I'm
being *really* nice to people by sharing my SPIFFY NEW SIG!!, and I don't
want
all those big meanies on the flame groups to make fun of me.

This is me going Dolphin-fishing:

===============================
(.) .
.
>>> :+=>> URL: get that . __
>>> :+=>> Mail: shitty .sig . / (
>>> :+=>> IC outta my way . . ----------'---`--...__
>>> :+=>> I'm fishing . / ~~--._
>>> :+=>> l/~~~ ~ ~-/~~/
>>> :+=>> \__________ __ _____.......-----------\ _\
>>> :+=>> \\ (_
>>> :+=>> `~~~`



Here's an excerpt from a lovely little bit of narrative flaming by Will
Acheson.

From: grundletwig@popmail.com
Message-ID: <6qddda$2n6$1@nnrp1.dejanews.com>

"A Fuckhead is Born"
--------------------

TIM: Dammit, give me those snippers, I'll cut this fucking cord myself,
you
inept troll.

DOCTOR: That's not your...

TIM: (Snips.) (Screams.)

DOCTOR: ...umbilical cord.


***Full version coming to a website near you SOON!!***


Planning a holiday to Germany? Here's Balloo's phrase book
----------------------------------------------------------

DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT!!

Here are the translations of many common Deutsch lander phrases,
translated into UberEnglitsch. You're welcome.

Was f?r eine sch?ne Schuhesammlung.
This is a wonderful shoe collection.

Mein Luftkissenfahrzueg ist mit Aale besetzt.
My hovercraft is full of eels.

Verkaufen Sie Sturmgewehr?
Do you sell assault rifles?

Es freut mich, dass du keine Z?hne hast.
It's good that you have no teeth.

Ihre Brustwarze sind sichtbar.
I can see your nipples.

Hast du deine Bluse bei mir zu Hause vorgessen?
Didn't you leave that shirt at my house tomorrow?

Mach das Licht bitte aus! Es ist mir lieber, wenn ich dich nicht
angucken muss.
Could you turn the lights off? I would prefer to not look at
you.

Du warst doch sch?ner als ich besoffen war.
I liked you better when I was drunk.

Ich habe unabsichtlicht eine alte Frau auf dem Autobahn ?bergefahren.
I accidentally ran over an old woman on the Autobahn.

Ich m?chte gern dein Herr sein.
I want to be your master.

Das Auto, das ich bei Ihnen gemietet habe, ist angefangen zum brennen.
This car you rented me caught on fire.

Deine Mutter hat sch?ne Zehe.
Your mother has nice toes.

Dein L?cheln wird ?bersch?tzt.
Your smile is overrated.

Dein Hund versucht mit meinen Beine Sex zu haben.
Your dog is trying to have sex with my leg.

Kommt deise Kleid von meinem Abfallhaufen?
Is that dress from my trash can?

Ich habe einen riesig Eisenpenis.
I have an immense iron penis.


Here's a decascaded cascade, for all you cascade fans out there
---------------------------------------------------------------

All those silly >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> have gone, and so have the names
of the cascaders.

*MUCH* better.


"And the rest of the men which were not killed by these plagues
yet repented not of the works of their hands, that they should
not worship devils, and idols of gold, and silver, and brass,
and stone, and of wood: which neither can see, nor hear, nor
walk: Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their
sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts."

--Rev 9:20-21 KJV


"Fuck my brains out."

-- Barbara Streisand


"Envoy of parmesan."

-- Carrot Top, Esq.


"Bum."

-- Sir Michael Palin


"Naptime is a caustic pillowcase."

-- Tom Petty


"I am more than just a porkchop."

-- A porkchop


"100 percent not guilty."

-- O.J. Simpson


"We got a signed confession"

-- The Friday Night
Armistice


"Disco don't grow on trees, mister. Pay up."

-- Eileen the Outbreak


"Keep the Lhasa Apso, dude. I've got BILLIONS of 'em."

-- Geronimo


"Halfway to Tipperary, I realized she was Lutheran."

-- Sinn Fein, Sr.


"Great day for a barbecue"

-- Joan of Arc


"If God wills it, it must be TAMPAX."

-- Pope Urban II


"If you gave me a twenty, I didn't see it."

-- 7-11 cashier, acting dumb


'OK, I give up - let's go back home.'

- Columbus


'You can never predict the future.'

- Nostradamus


"Iamb... Trochee... Anapest... To hell with this, Columbo's on."

-- Wayne County


"WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT?!?!"

- Mayor Awaya, 8/6/45


"Now we're all sons of bitches!"

- At the first ever nuclear bomb detonation in
New Mexico, one research assistant to Robert
Oppenheimer said. (July 16, 1945.)


"A revolution is not a bed of roses."

- My nephew


"It's a bed of nails."

- One David Copperfield-look-alike
East Indian magican


A LESSON ON SPELL-FLAMING
-------------------------
Don't do this :

"This is the wrong time to mispell brain"
-Mark Shippey to MoE in
<6prgnp$4p4$1@fnord.dfw.net>

Do this :

: Here's a clue for you sweat hog. Never bring up the subject of
: running out of room when you're standing in one. You might get
: sighted for blocking all the fire exits.

Not a pretty cite.

-Stain, to Ken Ehrett in
<seentoEx7vo1.CnA@netcom.com>

A bit of art from James Kirk
----------------------------

*The*
.=@=. *Wit and Wisdom of Chochie*
/ \ "You are boring me"
| 6 6 | "I will not tolerate this!"
( - ) "Dont waste my time"
,-----, "<snigger> <sigh>"
,- -, "That was pathetic"
/ \ "I have better things to do"
_| /| . |\ |_ "You are whining not me!"
(__/ {''''''} \__) "You are worse than Kirk"
/\ /\ "You are worse than Egan!"
_| /--\ |_ "That was an IKY!"
( \ / \ / ) "Read the FAQ"
\_/ \_/ "That was a post edit"
"I am not x-posting to ALS!"
"Wahhhhhhh! Wahhhhhhhh!"

PLEASE THROW BABY CHULIANE OUT WITH THE BATHWATER!


alt dot fucking flame
---------------------
(with apologies to John Cooper Clarke)

I'm fucking sick of "AnalfaCe"
He's just a waste of fucking space.
That fucking Krapout's fucking shite
Can't fucking spell, can't fucking write.
And fucking Doom's as fucking bad
As he was last year - it's fucking sad.
And fucking Zoos claims fucking spanks
And fucking Biil just fucking wanks.
"I'm fucking rich", "you're fucking poor"
"You racist fuck, I'm fucking sure"
"Your fucking wife's a fucking slag"
"You're fucking gay you fucking fag"
"I fucked your mom, ten fucking bucks"
"Your fucking website fucking sucks"
"It fucking is", "it's fucking not"
Who fucking cares you fucking 'bots?
I might as well just fucking quit,
I'm sick and fucking tired of it.
When every day's the fucking same,
Right here on alt dot fucking flame.


Some good flames I read today
-----------------------------



















====================================================================
_ _
| |_ _| |_ _
_ | | | | | | | | |
| |_| | |_| | | |_| |
\___/ \__,_|_|\__, |
|___/
_____ _ __ __ _ __
| ___|__ _ __ __| | | \/ | ___| |/ /___ _ __ _ __ __ _
| |_ / _ \| '__/ _` |_____| |\/| |/ __| ' // _ \ '_ \| '_ \ / _` |
| _| (_) | | | (_| |_____| | | | (__| . \ __/ | | | | | | (_| |
|_| \___/|_| \__,_| |_| |_|\___|_|\_\___|_| |_|_| |_|\__,_|

^
|
_________|
|
|
|_______________(this is my handle)

(here's some ascii art)_____________
|
just after this motto---|---------
| |
_______________________________| |
| v
| ***BRIMFUL OF ASHA ON A FORTY-FIVE***
|---->
meowME OWmeowm
eowMEOWme owmeowMEOWm
eowmeowMEOWm eowmeowMEOWmeo
wmeowMEOWmeowm eowMEOWmeowmeowM
EOWmeowmeowMEOW meowmeowMEOWmeowm
eowMEOWmeowmeowM EOWmeowmeowMEOWmeo
wmeowMEOWmeowmeo wMEOWmeowmeowMEOWme
owmeowMEOWmeowmeo wMEOWmeowmeowMEOW
meowmeowMEOWmeowm eowMEOWmeowmeowMEO
WmeowmeowMEOWmeow meowMEOWmeowmeowME OWmeowmeo
wMEOWmeow meowMEOWmeowmeow MEOWmeowmeowMEOWm eowmeowMEOWme
owmeowMEOWmeo wmeowMEOWmeowmeo wMEOWmeowmeowME OWmeowmeowMEOWm
eowmeowMEOWmeow meowMEOWmeowme owMEOWmeowmeo wMEOWmeowmeowMEOW
meowmeowMEOWmeo wmeowMEOWme owmeowME OWmeowmeowMEOWmeow
meowMEOWmeowmeowM EOWm eowmeowMEOWmeowmeow
MEOWmeowmeowMEOWme owmeowMEOWm eowmeowMEOWmeowmeowM
EOWmeowmeowMEOWmeow meowMEOWmeowme owMEOWmeowmeowMEOWme
owmeowMEOWmeowmeowM EOWmeowmeowMEOWmeo wmeowMEOWmeowmeowME
OWmeowmeowMEOWmeowm eowMEOWmeowmeowMEOWmeo wmeowMEOWmeowmeowM
EOWmeowmeowMEOWmeo wmeowMEOWmeowmeowMEOWmeo wmeowMEOWmeowmeow
MEOWmeowmeowMEOW meowmeowMEOWmeowmeowMEOWmeo wmeowMEOWmeowm
eowMEOWmeowme owMEOWmeowmeowMEOWmeowmeowMEOWm eowmeowMEOW
meowmeowM EOWmeowmeowMEOWmeowmeowMEOWmeowmeowM EOWme
owme owMEOWm eowmeow
MEOWmeo wmeow MEOWmeowmeo
wMEOWmeowm eo wMEOWmeowmeo
wMEOWmeowm eo wM EOWmeowmeowM
EOWmeowmeo wME OWm eowmeowMEOWm
eowmeowMEO Wmeow meowM EOWmeowmeowM
EOWmeowme owMEOW meowme owMEOWmeow
meow MEOWmeow meowME
OWmeowmeowMEOWmeowmeowMEOWmeowmeowME
OWmeowmeowMEOWmeowmeowMEOWmeowm
eowMEOWmeowmeowMEOWmeowm


"Forging Glennie Webb" (updated 3rd August 1998)
----------------------
(Started by Flaagg, and with contributions
from various Usenet Performance Artists)

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And it's driving Glennie nuts.
He wonders why they're MEAN to him,
Just because he likes boy's butts.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And it's wrecking Glennie's mind.
"There ought to be a LAW!", Glenn cries,
As he rubs a kid's behind.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And it's making Glennie weepy.
"I'll call the cops!" screams Glennie Webb,
Grabbing his nephew's peepee.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And it's getting Glennie down.
Glenn's gonna fire his killfile up
And put him in the ground.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And it's driving Glennie whacko.
'Cause his nazi pals now think he's sick
Just like that Michael Jacko.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And it's really kinda cute.
'Cause all his pals think he's a freak
A paedophile to boot.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And still is on the loose:
His former lover Dimas Nava
Better known and loathed as Zues!

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
So he's gonna sue for libel.
And THEN he'll "worship" the Christ child
And jerk off in his bible.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And it's creating quite a schism
But Glennie's complaints can't be heard
'cuz his mouth is full of jism

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
He's making quite a noise
Bawling and yelling and stamping his feet
'Cause he fucks little boys.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
for which he's become quite hostile
while issuing idle threats and typing one-handed
his jewels he continues to jostle.

Someone's froging Glennie Webb
And the froger sure has style
In two short days he's driven mad
A well-known paedophile.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
He's raising quite a whine
He clicks his heels and says "Sieg Heil!"
'Cuz he's a Nazischwein.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
He's going into conniptions
He doesn't know if it's the 'Nose
or them damn winged Egyptians.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
It's not enough for me.
We ought to send him to a camp
And feed him Zyklon B.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
It's turned his brain to chowder.
Soon everyone will know his dick
Smells just like baby powder.

Someone's froging Glennie Webb
And it's driving Glennie mental
He coats his dick in baby oil
That's Glennie being gentle

O Glennie Webb! O paedophile!
O racist fucknut dear
Watching your small head implode's
Been the best laugh of the year.

So now you want to sue us all
You want to make us pay
Here's my addy*, get to it
Come on twat, make my day.

*work it out for yourself, Einstein.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And he's really quite upset, oh!
But no one gives a flying fuck
about a lowlife nazi pedo

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
They did so very well.
I hope he has a stroke and falls
Straight to fucking hell.

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
Now he's gotten loud and verbal
Threatening lawsuits in between
Playing "Hide The Gerbil"

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
His threats are really futile
Someone got medieval on his face
Now it looks really brutal.


From the DENNON ONLINE Legal Dep't:
-----------------------------------
It has been brought to our attention that a certain Glenn Webb, who is more
commonly known as "Rudy Hess" (backfrom@thegrave.com), has threatened to
- in the vernacular - "netcop" Nigel Thornley, a Dennon Online subscriber
in
good standing with the usenet community.

The source of Mr. Webb's complaint stems from a bit of Usenet Performance
Art
in which Mr. Thornley participated. To wit, Mr. Webb took offense to the
following four lines of poesy written by Mr. Thornley in
<ZrBj1$015DvEk@news.dennon.co.uk>:

Someone's forging Glennie Webb
And it's creating quite a schism
But Glennie's complaints can't be heard
'cuz his mouth is full of jism

After some investigation, our Legal Department has concluded that Mr.
Webb's
complaint is entirely without merit. The purpose of this article is to
alert
other respectable Internet Service Providers about the impending possiblity
of
frivolous abuse complaints from Mr. Webb.

First and foremost, we at Dennon Online believe that our customers' right
to
Free Speech is sacrosanct. Furthermore, while Dennon Online and its parent
corporation, PORNPIG INDUSTRIES, are on record as believing racism to be a
deplorable philosophy, we fully recognize the right of others to voice
their
opinions, even if their beliefs - such as in the case of Mr. Webb - are
utterly ridiculous.

While Mr. Webb's threats of legal action against his imagined enemies seem
dubious to the degree of being laughable, we believe that not only are his
threats a self-centered attempt to squelch the most Sacred of Human Rights,
Freedom of Speech, but they also strike at the very heart of society:
Capitalism.

Mr. Webb's own words cast light on his desire to "cash in" and take
advantage
of a legal system which has, sadly, become overly litigious:

>Its called "Conspiracy to libel". I might even to make a case that you've
>conspired to violate my civil rights by attempting to drive me away from
>USENET.

>Think it can't happen? Remember that silly old woman who burned her
>snatch with coffee from McDonalds? She got millions. Remember O.J.?
>Remember those cops who thumped Rodney King?

>C'mon and jump on in! Gives me more people to sue.
>Each of you, through your ISPs will receive a Cease and Desist in the next
>few days. Then, just one more post calling me (or even implying) homo
>child molester will be grounds for suit.

>Go ahead, make my day.

(Quoted from message <6pr44f$r473@ns1.netrax.net>, entitled: "Anymore of
you
want in on this?")

Aside from Mr. Webb's crude terminology and obvious na?vet? in matters
concerning the law, his recent attempt to stifle open discussion in the
newsgroups begs the question: What is this fellow doing in the "flame"
groups?
Clealy, he should be familiar with the saw, "If you can't stand the heat,
stay
out of the kitchen!".
Even the least knowledgeable Netizen knows to stay away from the flame
groups
if they can't handle being called a semen-gargling p?dophile.

We feel that in the spirit of cooperation, the best we at Dennon Online can
do
is to offer some free legal advice to Mr. Webb:

If you feel the need to sue someone, perhaps you should file a malicious
negligencesuit against your parents. It's quite evident - even to the
casual
observer - that you were not given proper guidance as a child and as a
result
are unable to cope in a Free Society.

Another viable option would be for you to go fuck yourself.

Sincerely,

Naomi Fluffyngton-Smythe
Counsel for Dennon Online, a subsidiary of PORNPIG INDUSTRIES.
-
--
---

ADVERTISING BREAK -- Dennon Online, the company that *CARES* about UseNet.

---
--
-

And now for something completely different...

A word from an irate British au-pair to Coochie-coo :
-----------------------------------------------------



<shake> <shake> <shake> <shake>
(BABY CHULAINE) <shake>
<shake> <shake> <shake>
<shake> <shake> <shake> <shake>
<shake> <shake> <shake>

---

And here's a little something from Stefan Kapusniak...
------------------------------------------------------

In article <4Igw1s0KTPHV092yn@zetnet.co.uk>, Stefan Kapusniak
<stefan.kapus@zetnet.co.uk> writes...

In alt.religion.kibology, kprinter@dfw.nationwide.net (Mark Shippey) wrote:

>MoE (cjcmeow@newsguy.com) wrote:
>(backpedal nonsense)
>
> By misspelling the word brain in a sentence attacking Texas
>Tom for not understand your big words, you proved to be the
>number one idiot currently posting in flame newsgroups.

I dispute this!

_I_ CLAIM THE POSITION OF THE NUMBER ONE IDIOT POSTING TO
THE FLAME NEWSGROUPS. Not only can I mispell words I can
also mispell mispell, WHICH AS EVERY FOOL KNOW ISN'T A
WORD!!!11!!!1

Furthermore, and also, indeed, you can see I am posting
to a flame newsfroups, because one of the newsfroups
has the word FLAME in it. ^^^^^^^^^^
/|\
| <----- that is a
AND LOOK I MISFELLED ALBEQUERQUES AS --------+ very bad
NEWSFROUP, and now that poor forest ASCII arrow
is denuded of all plant life, NO PROVING I AM
SELF-RESPECTING FLAMER WOULD DO SUCH A MORE SERIOUS
A THING -- or use as many capital AND FULLY
letters as are present in this UTTERLY ROUNDED idiot
IDIOTIC POST. than MoE

SEE!1! I AM AN EVEN BETTER AT BEING AN IDIOT THAN ANY
OF YOU PEOPLE IN THE FLAME CYBER-CHAT FORUM THINGYS!!!!!


> By trying to claim you did it on purpose, you have now proven
>that you are one of the Top 10 Idiots to ever post in a flame
>newsgroup.

PLEASE! PLEASE! I WANT TO BE IN THE TOP TEN IDIOTS EVER,
PLEASE LET ME HAVE MY NAME ON THAT BIG BRASS PLAQUE
NEXT TO THE BOSTON PUBLIC LIBRARY THAT LISTS ALL THE FAMOUS
IDIOTS EVER TO POST IN THESE FLAME WEB-BOARDS.


> Take it like a man shithead.... you fucked up and you are
>an idiot.

AND LOOK AT THIS, I CAN'T EVEN BRING MYSELF TO USE
MANLY CUSSING IN THESE HERE FLAME GROUP THINGS:

Sh...Sh...Shi...Shiny HAPPY PEOPLE HOLDING HANDS!!!

F...FFFf.....FFFFFffffu....Fffuundamental MORAL VALUES!!!

I can only use wimpy, sissy, UNMANLY, fake cussing
like they dub into movies on TV to prevent them from
being any good, or distressing your well scrubbed
multi-ethnic children who like to talk to Barney
the Dinosaur about their crimes against humanity...

...words and phrases like:

'Oh globbits!'

'MELON FARMERS!'

...and worst of all...

'Bad bozo! NO BISCUIT!'

NOT LIKE YOU BIG MANLY MEN YOU WHO ARE SO COOL AND
HIP, AND ON THE CUSP OF A NEW MILLENIUM, AND REDOLENT
OF PHALLIC SYMBOLISM, that you can say NAUGHTY NAUGHTY
words and not be afraid of GOD shaking his finger at
you.

I couldn't do such a thing. I tried and I TRIED
and I TRIED but I just COULDN'T DO IT.

*bursts into tears*


> And you aint got much of a "BRANE". BWHAHAHAHAHA!

I don't have any of that thing at all, AND I LUV ALL
YOU GUYS.

*BIG HUGS*
*BIG SNUGGLY WUGGLY FUGGLY HUGZIE WUGZIE HUGIES!!!*
*WIGGLY CUDDLELY SNUGGLEZ*

X X X X X <-------------- those are KISSSSSES!!!!!!!


-- Kapusniak, Stefan m

----------------------------------------
..
-
--
---
----
That was my 1000-line .sig. Did you enjoy it?
----
---
--
-
..
-----------------------------------------
---
Flamer to the Gentry -- Prof. IACW -- mhm 20x8 -- "ludus non nisi
sanguineus"
http://extra.newsguy.com/~fgentry (updated 9th August 98)

--
NightShade. NightShade, Undead Mad god.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
? Memberships ? Defenderships ?
? *********** ? ************* ?
? ? ?
? Netiquette Enforcement Team ? alt.chocobo ?
? Anti-Revivalist Coalition ? alt.fan.chocobo ?
? Troll disposal Comitee ? Cherubae ?
======================================================================
? Points ? Weapons ?
? ****** ? ******* ?
? ? ?
? Killer B: 10 (and proud of it!) ? The Orb of Troll Obliteration ?
? Mountain Man Goblin Points: 10 ? ?
? American History: 10 ? ?
? Violent Killing: 3 ? The Bastard Sword SoulBlighter ?
? Spatula: 69 ? ?
? Burnsy: 25 (extorted from Falc) ? ?
? LB: 5 (worth nothing) ? ?
======================================================================
? Titles ?
? ****** ?
? ?
? Promoter of Net-Goblins ?
? Charon's Soul Provider ?
? Demiurge of alt.chocobo ?
? Delurker of Cherubae ?
? Assassin-Mage on AGFF ?
? "Punishment induces Pain. ?
? Pain induces Fear. ?
? Fear induces Respect. ?
? Respect induces Virtue. ?
? Thus Virtue originates in Punishment." ?
? Bodycount Peak: 6 kills on Aug. 4th '98 ?
======================================================================
? Awardings ?
? ********* ?
? ?
? Kenny Points ?
? Stars of Netiquette Enforcement Merit ?
? Crystal Arctic Points ?
? Recruitement into the Goblins Brigade ?
? Shining AIM Smiley Award ?
======================================================================
? Disclaimers ?
? *********** ?
? ?
? Attention Newbies: ?
? ------------------ ?
? Invading one of my NGs is considered a hostils action and will be ?
? responded to in the same manner. Enjoy your afterlife, sucker. ?
======================================================================


***** Quotes section *****

"> Jesus! Let Aerith die!
I agree, but this isn't ancient Rome, you don't need to call me by my
Latin name..." -Joshua Kaufmann, responding to a "You all suck" post

"ShadeAGFF: Hinterlander, Newzealander, whatever
Omahdon: I resent that. ;-)"
- AIM log

"> Can anyone tell me if they know how to ressurect aeris?
Yes."
- Edwyn


"JSueno: Who has better polygons than Tifa?
ShadeAGFF: Mary said she did
JSueno: really?
JSueno: remind me to be nicer to Mary from now on..." -AIM chat

"NeoAtma: You are a beanie baby named peanut.
MastaTroll: yes, that's right!
MastaTroll: you're exactly right!
MastaTroll: how much am i worth?
NeoAtma: Nothing, they made millions of you.
MastaTroll: :-( I'm saddened by that remark." -AIM chat

"Cherubae: Being not single would suck
ShadeAGFF: I should GFS that statement, Cher
Cherubae: perv ;-)" - AIM

"So what's next? Bunjie-jumping over a volcano?" -Arthur

"no one wants to smell your bad breath, flamers!" -Eric42 after being
mildly flamed by BlackMountain & Rubicant.

"To post on Usenet, we prevent that same phone line being used to dial
911 when we choke on the mouse."
-BC

"What to do if you accidentely sold my chocobee mana??"
- Just what you thought. A newbie!

">Can anyone tell me if they know how to ressurect aeris?
ARGH! I really don't see what everyone's problem is! If a member of
your party dies, give them a Fenix down! That'll bring them back!
Just goto your menu screen, select "Item", select your Fenix Downs,
and use one on Aeris. If you don't have any Fenix downs, goto a
village and stay at the Inn."
- Green Ashura

"J Sueno: ...ah, always good to be prepared. As soon as we debug the
Multiverse, it'll go to good use.
ShadeAGFF: NOOOOO! Don't do that! Debugging the Multiverse may result
in a general reality freeze! Let the natural selection do
it's job, silly!!!
J Sueno: ...okay....but don't blame me if you get stuck in a time
loop, being eaten by a giant, 40 foot tall banana slug. We
take no responsibility in any incidents that may occur due to
your use of a Beta version Multiverse....
ShadeAGFF: Heh... what do I have the Personal Reality Denial Patch for,
Mr. Know-it-all?
J Sueno: Oh, in that case..... be advised though, the disclaimer still
stands. The Personal Reality Denial Patch works 99.85% of
the time, but it doesn't cover the "Time Loop where a giant
40 foot banana slug eats you" bug.
ShadeAGFF: Of course not. I have the Service Release 92.5 for that
particuliar situation.
J Sueno: Why didn't you say so? I went through the whole disclaimer
pitch for nothing.... ::grumbles::" -AIM Chat

">I KNEW you were going to say that! Can't you think about anything
>other than sex?
Yes.
....
foreplay. #;-}>" -Kim and Greg

"The bad news is that at the end of this year, our computers will think
we're in 1900. The good news: this leaves us 100 years to solve the
problem..." -From an nifty cartoon

"> > What nonsense. How can meteoric impacts be caused by what we do on
> > earth?
> Well, as I type with my fingers on this keyboard, the changing center of
> mass of my fingers is pulling, to a tiny tiny tiny degree, on every
> particle which has mass in the Universe.
> > We cannot significantly influence the orbit of our planet,
> That's the crucial point. I consider it highly improbably my typing has
> been that tiny little extra bit of gravity required to shift a meteor out
> of it's orbit in the Oort cloud, to impact with the Earth in x million
> years time.
But of course, this all relates to chaos theory. Assuming that even
the tiniest change in any variable can produce highly unpredictable
results in the long term, your typing could well lead to that
meteor hitting the earth. You bastard." -Hamster of Doom, on afp

">The part of Anakin Skywalker, aka Darth Vader, in Episode II is
>supposed to be played by Leo DiCaprio himself. That can't be true, can
>it? I mean - can *you* imagine him with a lightsabre?
No wonder he turned to the dark side - seeing the future in a Force
meditation and discovering he was to be acted by Leo..."
- Usenet discussion


***** Pratchett Quote Section *****
(Thanx to Edwyn for contributing on AIM)
New! Enhanced with way more quotes!

"Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning,
he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing
wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."
The color of magic

"Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead."
The Light Fantastic

"It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he
said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"
Mort

There were a few seconds of total silence as everyone waited to see
what would happen next. And then Nijel uttered the battle cry that
Rincewind would never quite forget to the end of his life. "Erm,"
he said, "excuse me..."
Sourcery

The Archchancellor's most important job, as the Bursar saw it, was to sign
things, preferably, from the Bursar's point of view, without reading them
first.
Moving Pictures

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam.
Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and
subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of
understanding of this simple fact.
Moving Pictures

People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across
the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from
behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone
else."
Guards! Guards!

People have believed for hundreds of years that newts in a well mean that
the water's fresh and drinkable, and *in all that time* never asked
themselves whether the newts got out to go to the lavatory.
Reaper Man

"What is this thing, anyway?" said the Dean, inspecting the implement in
his hands.
"It's called a shovel," said the Senior Wrangler. "I've seen the gardeners
use them. You stick the sharp end in the ground. Then it gets a bit
technical."
Reaper Man

The only way housework could be done in this place was with a shovel or,
for preference, a match.
Witches Abroad

"Young Edward thinks that there is no lake of blood too big to wade through
to put a rightful king on a throne, no deed too base in defence of a crown.
A romantic, in fact."
Men At Arms

Cuddy had only been a guard for a few days, but already he had absorbed one
important and basic fact: it is almost impossible for anyone to be in a
street without breaking the law.
Men At Arms

It is said that whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In
fact, whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of
a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side.
It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.
Soul Music





****** Grumpy Old Garden Dwarves Section ******

The GAGD Section is devoted to very special posters, who distinguish
themselves as particuliarly whinning, complaining or irrate posters
through a long timespan, and on a regular basis.

Current entries:

Sean "Yama-Yama" McManus, for his constant bitching about
all the off-topic, the long .sigs, and our sheer idiocy.

***** Plonkomatic Section *****

The killfiled:
currently empty

The permanently killfiled:
- FrostyDoom
- DemonWall
- AGFFMilonZ

The forgiven:
- All ***/*** flamewarriors***///
- Michael "Richard" Goldman

The near-to-be-plonked:
empty

***** Grudge Section *****

PornStar8

***** Flame-Rating Table Section *****

F0 - no points - no brains
F1 - kindergarten difficulty
F2 - pedestrian - not particularly challenging
F3 - moderately difficult
F4 - an excellent (and hard to pull off type of flame)
F5 - maximum difficulty level (near perfection)

***** Surgeon General's Notice *****

Warning. Repeated reading of this .sig file can cause
serious brain damage and permanently injure your health.
This .sig file is notably known to have the following side-effects:
It can ruin your family life, steal your car and crash it into the
nearest police station, let you mistake a Barney episode with porn,
bring your computer back to year-2k uncompliance, trash your favorite
CDs, hum you 48 hours of Hanson tunes. It could also on occasion
date your girlfriend behind your back (or make you pregnant and then
abandon you if you're a girl), and has been reported to empty your
bank account and send all the money to NightShade.


***** Disclaimer Section *****

This signature is guaranteed 100% .sig-virus free
This signature is guaranteed 0% .sig-virus proof

No keys were hurt in the making of this .sig. At least
not seriously.

All fictive characters mentionned in this .sig are completely
fictive net personas. Resemblance with stuff they posted is
purely incidental as far as the selection of the quotes is
concerned. However, none of the quotes were extorted by means of
extorsion besides forms of menace, maiming, repeated killing and
occasional singing. If this is a problem, you may complain to the
brick wall in Kain's or Vincent Valentine's .sig.
We promise to send you a couple of highly skilled assa... er...
mediators to discuss any valid point you could make before the end
of the current eternity.

***** BADNWIDTH-WASTING SECTION*****

This .sig has been declared an Official Waste of Bandwidth.

Join the Bandwidth Wasters! Here's our official logo:
____________________________
| |
| We waste Bandwidth! |
|____________________________|
| |
| We waste Bandwidth! |
|____________________________|
| |
| We waste Bandwidth! |
|____________________________|
| |
| We waste Bandwidth! |
|____________________________|
| |
| We waste Bandwidth! |
|____________________________|
| |
| We waste Bandwidth! |
|____________________________|
| |
|We're the Bandwidth Wasters!|
|____________________________|

***** Edwyn's Titanoc Rip-Off *****
(Shamelessly stolen from Zohar's .sig)

"We now present to you, another production of sock puppet theater:

TITANIC

*WARNING: The following post is suitable for Adult's Only viewing,
it contains nudity, violence, sex references, drug use and horror*

*holds up two sock puppets*

Sock Puppet #1: *high falsetto* Oh, Jack, kiss me!

Sock Puppet #2: *equally high falsetto* Sure thing, babe!

Both Sock Puppets: *kiss kiss smooch smooch*

Sock Puppet #1: Oh no! What is that?

/\
/ \
/ \
/ \ /\
/ \ / \
/ \ / \
/ \ / \
/ \ / \
/ \ / \
/ \/ \
/ \ \
/ \ \
/________________________\_____________\

Sock Puppet #2: It looks like a very badly drawn ASCII iceberg!

*crunch*

Both Sock Puppets: AHHHHHHHH!!!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| |
|__________________________________________________|
| |
|^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |
|_______^^^^^^______^^^^^^^^_______________________|

Sock Puppet #1: Oh no! The ship's sinking! Kiss me, Jack!

Sock Puppet #2: Sure thing, babe.

Both Sock Puppets: *kiss kiss smooch smooch*

Sock Puppet #1: Oh no! The ship is tipping over!

*
\ /\
* \/ \
\ /\ \
* \/ \ \
\ /\ /\
* \/ \ / \
\ /\ / \ \
* \/ \ / /\/\
\ /\ / ^ /
* \/ \ / ^ /
\ /\ / ^ /
* \/ \ / ^ /
\ /\ / ^ /
* \/ \ / ^ /
\ /\ / ^ /
* \/ \ / ^ /
\ /\ / ^ /
\/__\____/___^_/

Sock Puppet #2: Let's make out in the back then.

Sock Puppet #1: Kiss me, Jack!

Sock Puppet #2: Sure thing, babe.

Both Sock Puppets: *kiss kiss smooch smooch*

Meanwhile:

Random Sock Puppet #1: Hey, what's that twanging sound? AHHH!!!

*twangs*

*
\ /\
* \/ \
\ /\ \
* \/ \ \
\ /\ /\
* \/ \ / \
\ /\ / \ \
* \/ \ / /\/\
\ /\ / ^ /
* \/ \ / ^ /
\ /\ / ^ /
* \/ \ / ^ /
\ /\ / ^ /
* \/ \ / ^ /
\ /\ / ^ /
\/ \ / ^ /
SPLOOSH! /\ / ^ /
.___/__\____/___^_/

Sock Puppet #1: Oh no! We're going down, again!

Sock Puppet #2: We've already had three scenes in the last ten
minutes!

Random Sock Puppet #2: Hey, what's the ominous roaring sound?
AHHHH!

*sploosh*

* * * * * * * *
| | | | | | | |
__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__|__
> | | | | | | | | |
< | | | | | | | | |
> |
<__________________________|
> |
< ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |
>^^_______________________|{} SPLOOSH!


Sock Puppet #2: Oh.

Sock Puppet #1: Oh no! Now the ship's going up again!

Sock Puppet #2: YEEHA! LIKE A ROCKET, BABY!

Sock Puppet #1: I'm getting sick of these lines. LET'S HUMP, BABY!

Sock Puppet #2: Sure thing, babe.

*hump hump fallafel fallafel*
___
|--------|------|--|
| | |
*----|---- | |
| | |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
|________|____<_|

Sock Puppet #1: So, how was it for you?

Sock Puppet #2: Seeing as we're gonna die now, does it matter?

Sock Puppet #1: Oh no! We're going down, yet again!

|--------|------|--|
| | |
*----|---- | |
| | |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
| | < |
*----|---- | < |
\ | | < | /
*--\-|---- | < | /
SPLOOOOOOSH \|^^^^^^^^|^^^^^^|/ SPLOOOOOOSH

Both Sock Puppets: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

*burble burble drown drown*

THE END

88888888888 888
888 888
888 888
888 88888b. .d88b.
888 888 "88b d8P Y8b
888 888 888 88888888
888 888 888 Y8b. .
888b788 d88888 888 "Y88P888 888
8888b d8888 d8b 888 888
88888b.d88888 ^Y^ 888 888
888Y88888P888 888 .d88b. 88888b. 888888 888 888
888 Y888P 888 888 d88P"88b 888 "88b 888 888 888
888 Y8P 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888
888 " 888 888 Y88b 888 888 888 Y88b. Y88b 888
888 888 888 "Y88888 888 888 "Y888 "Y88888
888888b. 888 888
888 "88b Y8b d88P Y8b d88P
888 .88P "888^888 "Y88P"
8888888K. 8888b. 888 888 .d88b. .d88b.
888 "Y88b "88b 888 888 d88""88b d88""88b
888 888 .d888888 888 888 888 888 888 888
888 d88P 888 888 888 888 Y88..88P Y88..88P
8888888P" "Y888888 888 888 "Y88P" "Y88P"

benjamin d. capoeman mhm15x1
http://www.blarg.net/~balloo
--

 

"Steve Leyland" <steveREMOVEDOTINVALIDTOREPLY@meow.org.invalid> wrote in
news:fh0og4$ilv$1@blackhelicopter.databasix.com:

> Once upon a time in a magickal land far far away the being called
> anonym_easynews_poster stirred from its deep slumber and pronounced to
> usenet:
>
>: Ye divvint want to be joining that bunch of fuckin' losers unless ye
>: yorsel' wants to look like a reet tosser, OK?
>:
>: How Aa came oot to find they wos shite like, wos when I started
>: reading a few of them posts from some chief meow shite caaled Steve
>: Lanyard or summick, an' aal he rote was fuck aal, like, mebbes a
>: couple of lines on the end of some other Kunts post like, then this
>: great big bliddy lang siggy thing wot Steve though wos funny and
>: neebody else ever did.
>:
>: Whey, man, he went on keepin' deeing this for years and years and
>: fuckin' years, like, and he still does this to this day - Aa believe-
>: Aaa killfiled the Kunt yonks ago.
>:
>: Wot he daes, ya see, he gaans oot drivin' in his minicab trying to
>: think of witty things tae say, like, but he can nivver think of nowt,
>: so he reckons if he adds just mebbes a line on the end of some other
>: buggers posts then adds his greet big siggy, as he calls it, well,
>: then he will look like an anarchist he thinks.
>:
>: He's always in them dodgy groups an' aal where, according to Steve,
>: dorty pictures are keep getting posted. Aa hope he is not doonloadin'
>: them like, 'cos we Aal knaa wot happened to Mr. Townsend, eh, nivva
>: mind Mr. Leyland?
>:
>: He looks mair like a Kunt tae me, like, if ye knaa' wot I mean, like?
>:
>: TRANSLATION - TO AVOID REQUESTS:
>:
>: You do not want to be joining that bunch of ne'er-do-wells unless you
>: also wish to regard yourself as a loser.
>:
>: How I came to find out they were rather tacky, was, after reading a
>: few posts from Steve Leyland, self-professed Miaow (or whatever)
>: leader, I soon realised he was simply unable to string a few sensible
>: sentences together. Instead, he would simply add an innocuous comment
>: to someone else unabridged post then paste on his blood big sig file
>: of thousands of words. From what I can perceive of the "man" he
>: considers this continuous posting of huge screeds of other peoples'
>: words to be some form of anarchy. To an ignorant minicab driver this
>: may appear to be so, but to most posters he is simply a pain.
>:
>: p.s. His posting history also shows him to be a *very* frequent
>: visitor to what are commonly known as "Kiddie-fiddler" froups. I pass
>: no comment on that but thought I should include it so you may make
>: your own judgement.
>:
>: HTH.
>
> wot?
>
> Steve Leyland
> mhm32x16 Smeeter#24 WSD#41 Most Hated Usenetizen Of All Time#1
> Top Asshole on the Net#4 Usenet Ruiner#11 Lits Slut#1
> Alcatroll Labs Inc (bongwater maintenance dept)
>
> =^MEOW MEOW ARMY^=
>
> Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you
> didn't have a good answer to. - Douglas Adams
> ======================================================================
> "Warning to all: Steve Leyland is a trolling twat of the highest
> order. Killfile the muppet now and move on. Even the briefest of
> searches on his past UseNet posts will reveal the truth. You have been
> warned. *plonk*" bear, uk.rec.motorcycles
> ======================================================================
> "I didn't delete any part of your meaningless, pointless, worthless
> post in order to clearly demonstrate that you are the nemesis of
> Usenet: the crossposting, non-editing, diagram-creating worthless,
> dickless, brainless, gutless, mindless, ball-less, spineless, flaccid,
> obese, fish-belly pale, ugly, VD-ridden, moronic, bald, hunch-backed,
> flat-footed, odoriferous, obnoxious, fecal-smelling, buck-toothed,
> physically handicapped, fungus-infected, HIV positive, mud-packing,
> masturbating, whining, simpering, self-important, arrogant,
> egomaniacal POS that takes up more bandwidth than a despicable
> binary-poster, and for no apparent reason beyond seeing his own
> defecatory vomitus slithering down the screen in vile green rivulets."
>
> Admiral Halsey, alt.sailing.asa
> ======================================================================
> "I went to the Garden of Love,
> And saw what I never had seen;
> A Chapel was built in the midst,
> Where I used to play on the green.
>
> And the gates of this Chapel were shut
> And "Thou shalt not," writ over the door;
> So I turned to the Garden of Love
> That so many sweet flowers bore.
>
> And I saw it was filled with graves,
> And tombstones where flowers should be;
> And priests in black gowns were walking their rounds,
> And binding with briars my joys and desires."
>
> William Blake.
> ======================================================================
> ?Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this
> right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to
> seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and
> regardless of frontiers.? Universal Declaration of Human Rights,
> article 19.
> ======================================================================
> "When the Earth has been ravaged and the animals are dying, a tribe of
> people from all races, creeds and colours shall put their faith in
> deeds, not words, and make the land green again. They shall be known
> as Warriors of the Rainbow, protectors of the environment."
>
> Native American prophecy
>
> |\ _.-'~~""'~`'~)
> /, ~-,__,,,.'~ ,-;;--''
> |,4) ./ ' ; ;/'
> '-~~;'@ ( ; ;
> _.--'' _.-_..' .;.'
> (,_..----''' (,..--''
>
>
> meow.
> *** THE OFFICIAL .SIG FILE COLLECTION ***
> *** OF MHM9x2 ***
>
> "You're dead meat Flaag. Dead, stinking meat."
> - Grantland <mithril@iafrica.com> in article
> <3636e706.99409360@ct-news.iafrica.com>
>
> "Sometimes you just GOTTA hope Flaagg is a dumd as he
> makes out to be!"
> - Jerry Morris <jamorris@gwis.com> puts on an
> ironic little "dumdshow" in article
> <3612934c.156610959@news.gwis.com>
>
> "Know anything about libel lawsuits? You will know all
> about them very soon." -Glenn Webb
> <zorbo@netrax.net> takes that final step into
> net.kookdom in article <6ob5li$q2h2@ns1.netrax.net>
>
> "i have probaly got more education than U."
> - tami_@webtv.net, in
> <6j7j4b$flm$1@newsd-134.iap.bryant.webtv.net>
>
> "I had to check one last time to take a look at your
> obsession with me."
> - 'Al Capone' in
> <6fjt28$5kfk$1@newssvr03-int.news.prodigy.com>
>
> "None of your IKABWAIs, delusions, or self-contradictions
> are worth responses."
> - This SPANK brought to you by Spewbacca
> <Thomas.Rimmler@nospam.metla.fi>, article
> <34BD24B1.860747D5@nospam.metla.fi>, and the letter "Y".
>
> "night and day i think about your throbbing manhood..."
> - Peggy Marie Bell AKA essej is our
> biggest fan in artcle
> <Pine.GSO.3.95.971214003328.22032D-100000@jove.acs.unt.edu>
>
> "The writer of this message may not be held responsible
> for anything whatsoever. It's all Aaron Henne's fault."
> - Lewis Bateman
>
> "be a famous net flamer like this "Flaagg" who has written
> so many notable flames and started so many long "flame
> threads" under his memorable subject lines."
> - Bill 'FLAME GIANT' Palmer swings on our meat in article
> <65fmue$696@dfw-ixnews3.ix.netcom.com>.
>
> "Go away."
> - Peggy Bell <peggy@iglobal.net> in article
> <3448a85e.978109@news.iglobal.net>
>
> "we know you just want to be loved flaagg. deep down inside
> thats what you want. however negative attention is not the
> way to go. so, aaron michael, go to the corner and have some
> quiet time lest we need to call your parents."
> - jeremio isako, email: 9/27/97
>
> "Why the =fuck= is this thread continuing?!"
> - The Jammer <jfm@hopper.unh.edu>
>
> "I've come to look on Flaagg as a somewhat kindred soul: more
> UseNet Performance Artist than the net.vandal he's sometimes
> made out to be. Not to say he can't be trolled, tho. He doesn't
> know it, but one of the quotes he uses in his sigfile is
> inaccurately attributed, because it was actually posted by
> yours truly."
> - Raoul H. Xemblinosky III <raoulx@hyuk.bungmunch.edu>
>
> "You have just been trolled, dumbass."
> - One Got Loose <have_you@seen.me?> in article
> <5uij2d$c68@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net>
>
> "you know, I really fucking hate it when people jump on my back
> immediatly."
> -blugwen91@aol.com
>
> "If you like Brad Pitt you probably like Aaron Henne."
> - A Man of GODD
>
> "Aaron you are and always will be an asshole."
> - "flamous person" (quoting a famous person) in
> article <33bbff7c.401726432@news.alt.net>
>
> "I DON'T STALK FLAAGG BUT I DO STALK AARON"
> - bilsands@netcomuk.co.uk (Bill 'Skidmarks' Sands),
> Nov. 27, 1996
>
> ".sig quotes are for idiots."
> - flaagg@navicom.com (Flaagg), 1995
>
> -
> ---
> (_(
> ('')
> _ "\ )>,_ .-->
> _>--w/((_ >,_.'
> ///
> "`"
> mhm9x2
> http://www.navicom.com/~flaagg
>
> (_(
> ('')
> _ "\ )>,_ .-->
> _>--w/((_ >,_.'
> ///
> "`"
> 888 888
> 888 888
> 888 888
> 8888b. 88888b. .d88b. 888888 88888b. .d88b. 888d888
> "88b 888 "88b d88""88b 888 888 "88b d8P Y8b 888P"
> .d888888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 88888888 888
> 888 888 888 888 Y88..88P Y88b. 888 888 Y8b. 888
> "Y888888 888 888 "Y88P" "Y888 888 888 "Y8888 888
>
> 888 888 888
> 888 888 888
> 888 888 888
> 88888b. .d88b. 888888 88888b. .d88b. 888 .d88b.
> 888 "88b d88""88b 888 888 "88b d88""88b 888 d8P Y8b
> 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 888 88888888
> 888 d88P Y88..88P Y88b. 888 888 Y88..88P 888 Y8b.
> 88888P" "Y88P" "Y888 888 888 "Y88P" 888 "Y8888
> 888
> 888
> 888
>
> d8b 888 888
> Y8P 888 888
> 888 888
> 888 88888b. 888888 88888b. .d88b.
> 888 888 "88b 888 888 "88b d8P Y8b
> 888 888 888 888 888 888 88888888
> 888 888 888 Y88b. 888 888 Y8b.
> 888 888 888 "Y888 888 888 "Y8888
>
> d8b 888 888
> Y8P 888 888
> 888 888
> .d8888b 888 .d88b. 88888b. 8888b. 888888 88888b.
> 88K 888 d88P"88b 888 "88b "88b 888 888 "88b
> "Y8888b. 888 888 888 888 888 .d888888 888 888 888
> X88 888 Y88b 888 888 d88P 888 888 Y88b. 888 888
> 88888P' 888 "Y88888 88888P" "Y888888 "Y888 888 888
> 888 888
> Y8b d88P 888
> "Y88P" 888
> (_(
> ('')
> _ "\ )>,_ .-->
> _>--w/((_ >,_.'
> ///
> "`"
> ---
> -
>
>
>
> /*
> * Wait wait wait wait! *
> * Matthew Kaidor doesn't READ demon.local! He *
> * probably doesn't know what a "sigpath" _is_! *
> * *
> * Fortunately, Rubz saw the sigpath posted in *
> * its entirety,and wrote it down for us. *
> * *
> */
>
>
>
>
>
> Sig-Path
>
> 1) You are obsessed with sig wars.
> 2) You moan about people with large sigs.
> 3) You will stamp your feet and demand they either leave
> or cut their sig to 4 lines or less.
> 4) You will be told that 4 lines is an outdated concept.
> 5) You will say that your group is special and is allowed to
> tell people from any other group what to do.
> 6) You will be told that you're fuckheads like all the rest.
> 6a) Fuckhead-demolition teams will move in.
> 6b) You will be told to post good reasons or shut up.
> 6c) Your own whining will be placed in sigs, making them bigger.
> 7) You will resort to unwarranted netcopping tactics.
> 7a) You will boast about netcopping.
> 8) You will complain about it being unsightly spam.
> 8a) You will pretend not to know what spam is.
> 8b) You will spam.
> 8c) You will boast about spamming.
> 9) You will start trolling with the 'waste of bandwidth' claim.
> 9a) You will profess your dislike of trollers.
> 9b) You will then say 'Bandwidth has never been an issue'
> 10) You will be told again that you should provide good reasons.
> 10a) You will start ignoring all articles and simply spam.
> 11) You will find that no-one is going to back-down.
> 11a) You will begin to foam at the mouth.
> 12) You will then do one of three things :-
>
> A) Give in and shut up about it. (not an option)
> B) Say "But we _always_ win. I'm right and you're wrong."
> and evade everyone's questions until they go away.
> C) Netcop everyone in sight and be spanked by your ISP for
> being a whinging spamming hypocritical censor.
>
>
> This will take about 8-20000 weeks from start to finish if you're
> determined.
>
> RubZ, in
> In, <6iqcqh$7l7$1@info.abdn.ac.uk>, 6 May 1998
>
>
> /*** And now, back to the .sig archive ***/
>

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