Re: 03/04/05 Puns

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 08:07:21 +1300, "Gillian V" <gillianv@xtra.co.nz>
found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Michael Balarama" <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:101ag0t9b9v8j26@corp.supernews.com...
> >> A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve
> >> you, but don't start anything."
> >>
> >This sort of thing only leads to trouble.
> >
> Are you positive? There could be grounds for connection ...

This is truly shocking.

Shocking: Electrifying monarch.

 

80 days to May 19.

 

360 days since March 5.

 

On Feb 26, 4:43 pm, mimus <tinmimu...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> On Tue, 26 Feb 2008 16:31:45 -0800, Bill Cleere wrote:
> > This synchronicity rebop is really starting to scare me....
>
> > I mentioned just today that I had dismally failed to auction
> > myself on eBay under the title "I was Hitler's Toothbrush".
>
> > and now this...
>
> >http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/02/23/whitl...
>
> I don't get it.
>
> There's nothing about toothbrushes there.

Not in plain text, anyway. There could be an elaborate cipher
concealed within the watercolors...

Absent that, I think I was trying to make the point, if point it be,
that Hitler never goes away. One day I'm thinking of a funny
Hitler thing to try to make a buck, and the next day I see in
the news that Hitler drawings of Disney characters have
been found.

The whole thing would be a lot easier to take if the Disney
drawings had been pornographic.

-- Bill Cleere

"I prefer the pleasure of writing bits of nonsense to that of wearing
an embroidered coat which costs 800 francs." (Stendhal)

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41ECB121.231D1540@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Allowing: A permissive bird.
> >
> > Blowing: A windy bird.
> >
> > Growing: Very big wings.
> >
> > Harrowing: Risk taking bird.
> >
> > Rowing: Bird in a small boat propelled by oars.
> >
> > Slowing: Bird that doesn't move very fast.
> >
> > Throwing: Bird from the big leagues.
> >
> Throwt: Flying gizzard!

Wowing: An amazing bird.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419EFF83.EA54EB1D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41265CE7.4140E97A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > mike wheeEler wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > In article <3FB4193B.977C1CCE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> > > > > > tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the
> world
> > > oddly when:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >Eden: A home on the Internet.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > Purgetory: grid rid of those british polly ticks from your
> hardrive..
> > > > >
> > > > > Lucifer: Hair of the Devil.
> > > >
> > > > Helmet: Hat of the Devil
> > >
> > > Lucifer: Secret code you have to punch in to get the lavatory door to
> open.
> >
> > Aquifer: Watery hair.
> >
> > Cipher: Coded hair.
> >
> > Conifer: Hairy tree.
>
> Cipher on a conifer: Bark Code!

Prefer: Before hair grows.

Puffer: Hair that blows up.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43758EDA.1E7C2006@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4192F81A.4BDDAA6B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Kathy" > "nemo" ...
> > > > > > > Advice for overweight sailors:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > "ABANDON CHIP!!"
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > "TRIM THE SCALE!"
> > > > >
> > > > > Do you find you heave-in stays?
> > > > > Personally I could just keel-haul people who say I have a large
> > > > > beam!
> > > >
> > > > Starboard: An unentertained large ball of mostly hydrogen gas that
> gets
> > > > its energy via hydrogen fusion.
> > >
> > > Refuse: Waste products from fusion.
> >
> > Rabies: Radioactive apines.
>
> Raymond: A pile of Plutonium.

Diamond: Expensive pile of coloring materials.

 

330 days since the Virginia Tech Massacre.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41265800.889F063@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Jenni Saqua wrote:
> >
> > > "Harry Farkas" <hfarkas@wowway.com> wrote in message
> > > news:MIydnSsCrMek7JrdRVn-hA@wideopenwest.com...
> > > > When Tomasina heard the bad news, water sprang from her eyes like
> wine.
> > > Yes,
> > > > she cried muscat tears.
> > >
> > --------------------------------------------------------------------------
> > > --
> > > > ------
> > > > Checking http://www.rhymezone.com/
> > > >
> > > > Definitions of oenophile:
> > > > noun: a connoisseur of fine wines; a grape nut
> > > >
> > > > So is a crazy wine lover a grape nut flake?
> > > > --
> > > Yes, but you've gotta remember... each one is a special Ks.
> >
> > Oh no, you've ruined a Google Whack! Oenophile will now get more than
> > one hit on Google!
>
> Why didnay call it Winophile? Did they just want to spell it posh - or were
> they worried it might be taken to mean someone who fancies winos? YUK!!
>
> Linophile: Someone who fancies floor coverings?

Dinophile: One who likes prehistoric reptiles.

 

250 days since 07/07/07.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43F6C37C.A42C5D4C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:43F19F05.2D1E78B4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:4317DE1F.96294411@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Surreal: Knight who only eats freshwater fishes of the order
> > > > > Anguilliformes
> > > > > > > or Apodes, because he finds they increase his sex-drive. They're
> an
> > > > > > > Apodesiac.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Surreel: Knight of Hollywood.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Sex drive: Lovers' Lane.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Superman prefers Lois Lane.
> > > > >
> > > > > "Avenue Road!"
> > > > >
> > > > > "No thanks. The old one hasn't worn out yet."
> > > > >
> > > > > Underwear manufacturers prefer Petticoat Lane.
> > > > >
> > > > > Aircraft manufacturers prefer Hanger Lane.
> > > > >
> > > > > Ecologists prefer Green Lanes.
> > > > >
> > > > > Wrestling lawyers like Toady in 'Neighbours' prefer Front Head
> Chancery
> > > > > Lane!
> > > >
> > > > I don't know how to top that.
> > > >
> > >
> > > Front Head Chancery: One wrestler butting the other, forehead to
> forehead.
> > >
> > > Chancery Lane: The street in London where most of the top lawyers have
> their
> > > chambers.
> >
> > Fire Lane: Very hot street.
> >
> > Firing Line: Line that downsizes workers.
> >
> Chops 'em off at the knees?? I think 'Downsizes a workforce' is what you're
> after.
>
> Pincer Movement: Coming in on the enemy from two sides and cutting all the
> ignition witing in their tanks.

Deadlock: Security device that kills anyone who touches it.

 

185 days since 9/11.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47DB1532.8745AD06@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:43F6C37C.A42C5D4C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:43F19F05.2D1E78B4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:4317DE1F.96294411@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Surreal: Knight who only eats freshwater fishes of the order
> > > > > > Anguilliformes
> > > > > > > > or Apodes, because he finds they increase his sex-drive.
They're
> > an
> > > > > > > > Apodesiac.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Surreel: Knight of Hollywood.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Sex drive: Lovers' Lane.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Superman prefers Lois Lane.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "Avenue Road!"
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "No thanks. The old one hasn't worn out yet."
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Underwear manufacturers prefer Petticoat Lane.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Aircraft manufacturers prefer Hanger Lane.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Ecologists prefer Green Lanes.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Wrestling lawyers like Toady in 'Neighbours' prefer Front Head
> > Chancery
> > > > > > Lane!
> > > > >
> > > > > I don't know how to top that.
> > > > >
> > > >
> > > > Front Head Chancery: One wrestler butting the other, forehead to
> > forehead.
> > > >
> > > > Chancery Lane: The street in London where most of the top lawyers
have
> > their
> > > > chambers.
> > >
> > > Fire Lane: Very hot street.
> > >
> > > Firing Line: Line that downsizes workers.
> > >
> > Chops 'em off at the knees?? I think 'Downsizes a workforce' is what
you're
> > after.
> >
> > Pincer Movement: Coming in on the enemy from two sides and cutting all
the
> > ignition witing in their tanks.
>
> Deadlock: Security device that kills anyone who touches it.

Howwdyoo know about my front door???

It's all done with a Communist high Voltage power source: A Marx Generator.

And if a dentist's surgery got broken into, would he have a lock with more
levers fitted? - a more-teefs lock!

A more-teefs shun might like one of those as well if someone broke in and
stole all the stiffs!.

 

110 days to American Independence Day.

 

300 days since my Brother Chris' 46th birthday.

 

Cancer: Knight of tumors.

Capper: Price of hats.

Captor: Rocky outcrop that kidnaps people.

Carapace: Automobile shell.

Carbine: Automobile gun.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4260AC90.232CF4E1@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:425E30A1.89697D8C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Permute: Price of silence.
> > > >
> > > > Person: Price of a male kid.
> > > >
> > > > Perspirate: Price of sweat.
> > > >
> > > > Perspire: Price of the top of the church.
> > > >
> > > > Permission: Price of the entire church.
> > > >
> > > Permanganate: Price of a guy who consumed an entire garden in Israel.
> > >
> > > Potassium Permanganate: Price of a guy who consumed all the purple
> flowers
> > > in a garden in Israel.
> > >
> > > Glycerin and potassium permanganate: Price of a guy who set fire to all
> the
> > > purple flowers in a garden in Israel.
> > >
> > > (Don't worry, Echelon. It's only a joke. We did that experiment at
> school.
> > > There were no teyrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsts in those days!)
> >
> > Why were you burning Israeli flowers?
> >
> To get a pun on gan in permanganate. Gan (Heb.) = garden, as in Gan Eden.

What a fiery way to obtain a pun!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47E21F4E.E41D444D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4260AC90.232CF4E1@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:425E30A1.89697D8C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Permute: Price of silence.
> > > > >
> > > > > Person: Price of a male kid.
> > > > >
> > > > > Perspirate: Price of sweat.
> > > > >
> > > > > Perspire: Price of the top of the church.
> > > > >
> > > > > Permission: Price of the entire church.
> > > > >
> > > > Permanganate: Price of a guy who consumed an entire garden in
Israel.
> > > >
> > > > Potassium Permanganate: Price of a guy who consumed all the purple
> > flowers
> > > > in a garden in Israel.
> > > >
> > > > Glycerin and potassium permanganate: Price of a guy who set fire to
all
> > the
> > > > purple flowers in a garden in Israel.
> > > >
> > > > (Don't worry, Echelon. It's only a joke. We did that experiment at
> > school.
> > > > There were no teyrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsts in those days!)
> > >
> > > Why were you burning Israeli flowers?
> > >
> > To get a pun on gan in permanganate. Gan (Heb.) = garden, as in Gan
Eden.
>
> What a fiery way to obtain a pun!

Pot ass Ian permanganate and glycerine do that. Quite spectacular -
especially if it sets yer glasses on fire!

It was discovered by deputy captain who was into chemistry - that's why they
call it an XO Thermic Reaction.

 

Deb wrote:

> A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife
> something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he
> decides to buy her a cell phone.
>
> She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and
> explains to her all the features on the phone.
>
> The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and
> it's her husband. "Hi hun," he says. "How do you like your
> new phone?"
>
> She replies, "I just love it. It's so small and your voice
> is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't
> understand."
>
> "What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
>
> "How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"

Cell phone: Phone used by amoebas.

Amoebas: Micro cellular sheep.

Microbes: Very small clothing for sleeping and lazing around.

Strip Mall: Store for nudists.

 

180 days since September 30.