Re: 03/04/05 Puns

nemo wrote:

> KIMEVANS <kimevans@bigpond.com> wrote in message
> news:j_X%c.24833$D7.19377@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> >
> > "nemo" <nemo@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> > news:HrX%c.1910$v93.1869@fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > Equivocation: The dedicated and lifelong online study of the
things
> > archers
> > > keep their arrows in.
> > >
> > > I know it's bowlocks and a flight of fancy but who cares? Just
string
> > along
> > > with me for now.
> > >
> > >
> > I'm starting to think you should be shafted
> >
> I knew I'd missed a bit.
>
> Longbow: Used by a tall, handsome, impeccably dressed man.
>
> Turkish Bow: Used by a small, swarthy-looking chap with, if he's
lucky, a
> really big moustache!
>
> Crossbow: Used by an angry man.
>
> Trebuchet: Used by a Roman guy who's been frightened by the sudden
> appearance of three geared steam locomotives designed to haul lumber.

Crossbow: Used by a Christian Crusader.

Crossbow: Angry weapon.

 

nemo wrote:

> Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> news:10dpph7pfsk5mbf@corp.supernews.com...
> > Douglas D. Anderson wrote:
> > > "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote
> > >> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > >>> On Fri, 25 Jun 2004 08:29:39 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> > >>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>> If they're very expensive why do they get off scot-free?
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>>> Because nobody would pay anything for a Scot.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>> Very funny. I laughed so hard it just about kilt me.
> > >>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> When it does, you can go caber toss yourself.
> > >>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> I wouldn't qualify. My poles too big.
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> Thought you were only 6'2".
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Only what's visible outside of my pants. They don't call me
> > >>>>>>> "stud" for no reason.
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> Just like lumber.
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>> Timber, son. Tall timber. Think redwoods.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Decking material.
> > >>>
> > >>> If anyone tries to deck me they're in for a real fight.
> > >>
> > >> 48, 49, 50, 51........your deck ain't full.
> > >> What did you say you were playing ?
> > >>
> > >>
> > > Euchre! I _thought_ some of those tricks looked funny....
> >
> > Laugh then, dammit.
> >
> Why is it necessary to utter a series of humerus, spontaneous, usually
> unarticulated sounds often accompanied by corresponding facial and bodily
> movements before resticting the flow of a river?

Dammit: A glove that blocks a river.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Sun, 27 Jun 2004 16:51:54 +0800, ?rchie <hard@it.allthetime> found these
> unused words floating about:
>
> >Twas brillig and a slithy tove named J. A. Mc. didst gyre and gimble in
> >the wabe while reciting:
> >
> >>On Sat, 26 Jun 2004 16:53:01 +0800, ?rchie <hard@it.allthetime> found these
> >>unused words floating about:
> >>
> >>>Twas brillig and a slithy tove named Tim Bruening didst gyre and gimble
> >>>in the wabe while reciting:
> >>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>nemo wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>>> Soft fruit grown for quick profit: Convertible Currant-cy.
> >>>>> (The Good Life)
> >>>>
> >>>>That's shocking!
> >>>
> >>>Watt?
> >>>
> >>It's a long winding explanation. Wire you interested?
> >
> >I was just inducted into it and my life was transformed
> >
> Then you need a short breaker.

Breaker: A donkey dog.

Simba: A fake sheep.

Mockba: Another fake sheep.

Hammock: Fake pig meat.

Mocker: Fake canine.

 

Farming: Far away rural Chinese vase.

Framing: Picture vase.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4271D766.7AD9017B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:426EE79A.C7100DCA@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Aster: A donkey jail.
> > > >
> > > > Astern: The ass of an ass.
> > > >
> > > > Astern: A donkey bird.
> > > >
> > > > Astral: Bodiless donkey.
> > > >
> > > > Astray: Wandering donkey.
> > >
> > > Ashtray: Wandering donkey with a shpeech defect caused by lung
cancer.
> >
> > Cancer: A metallic cylindrical knight.
> >
> Doughnut: Rich torriodal loony.

Donut: Crazy female deer, and the crazy medals being awarded at the
Torino Olympics.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42AC1B8F.834B1335@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Kathy wrote:
>
> > "Buffalo Chilkat" <mammal@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > news:9togqvocm60lob63mb6v06ft9f4cgu7anf@4ax.com...
> > >
> > > A window fell from high above and became embedded deeply within
the
> > > hindquarters of a donkey standing on the street below. What a
pane in
> > > the ass.
> >
> > Perhaps the donkey could file a glass action suit.
>
> Against Microsoft (The makers of Windows).

Yeah. Their software's a pane!

Hardware: Worn by knights, cops, and soldiers.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42AC1D0E.33450544@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> headdr wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4047C83E.D4C86525@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Countryside: Murder of a nation.
> > >
> > > Countryside. Murder of the environment.
> > >
> > Beside: Killing the hive.
> > Curbside: Doing away with your inhibitions.
> > Herbicide: A no salt diet.
> > Genocide: Killing a short fat Italian.
> > Poultricide: Choking your chicken.
>
> C-Side: Murdering the ocean.
>
> C-Side: Murdering a computer.
>
> D-Side: Murdering a demon.
>
Indecision: Opening cut, hesitantly made by an Asian surgeon.

Not a Native American surgeon?

Nemo
Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
For ?3 - 16s - 2d actually!
Who's da man?? Who's da man??

(What's diss big slimy insect thingey doing wrapped up in maa
parachute?)

What big slimy insect thingey?

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4317DE0A.ADA2C2A7@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41265BDB.4AD2F194@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > War-ming: Hostile Chinese vase or hot Chinese vase.
> > > >
> > > > Hostile: Aggressive fence.
> > > >
> > > > Fencing: Singing barrier.
> > >
> > > Prezoomably, if you're stopped by such a singing barrier, you're
> Foiled!
> >
> > Foil Ling: A Chinese Saber Artist.
> >
> > Fencing Academy: Where thieves learn how to sell stolen goods.
>
> "Fay - 'nough oil!" An Irish politician telling a fairy motor mechanic
> that
> his engine does not require any more lubricant.

Lubi-K-tion.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47B68817.EBD5D9AD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:432A39E0.9D46F512@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > Stan Kegel wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Puns of the Weak" for the week ending 10/20/00
> > >
> > > >
> > > > The nation is at a crossroads and the stakes are high as vampires
across
> > > > America prepare to vote. Polls indicate that vampires
overwhelmingly
> > > > favor Gore. (Tim Bruening)
> > > >
> > > > Whereas all prostitutes, pimps, beer-drinkers, and Sharon Stone
favor
> > > > the other candidate. (Henry Link)
> > >
> > > Why would prostitutes, pimps, beer-drinkers, and Sharon Stone favor
> > > George W Bush?
> > >
> > > Rest of puns laughed off the stage.
> >
> > Did you see Dubbaya's climb-down -type reputation salvaging operation on
TV
> > earlier. Some people admit their mistakes because it's the proper thing
to
> > do. Other alleged people think of votes!!
> >
> > Still - if he does as he says, a lot of people will benefit - except for
the
> > dead ones of course - killed because for years, warnings about the
> > inadequacies of the flood defences were ignored!
> >
> > Laugh that off, Dubbaya!
>
> Cat Trina: Its really raining cats!
>
> L Nino: Storm of Ls.
>
> R. Gentina: South American robot.
>
> S. Stonia: Rock in the Baltics.

K.O. Sovo: Lots of boxers there,

Knicker Rag Hewer: Bloke who makes S. American sanitary towels!

Column Beer: Ale designed to go into a very very tall thin glass.

Bow Live Here: Where Robin Hood ran off too.

Pa, No Ma: Single male parent.

And BTW - ? is Alt + 0241 on the new merry cool keypad.

So nyow yer nyoww! Innit!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47B6882F.EAA75B4A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:43C9BC7B.1F87DEE5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > >
> > > > Pam Shorey wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Stan Kegel wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > "Puns of the Weak" for the week ending 10/20/00
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > The nation is at a crossroads and the stakes are high as
vampires
> > across
> > > > > > > America prepare to vote. Polls indicate that vampires
> > overwhelmingly
> > > > > > > favor Gore. (Tim Bruening)
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Whereas all prostitutes, pimps, beer-drinkers, and Sharon
Stone
> > favor
> > > > > > > the other candidate. (Henry Link)
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Why would prostitutes, pimps, beer-drinkers, and Sharon Stone
favor
> > > > > > George W Bush?
> > > > >
> > > > > Because they're personal friends? (all Bush league)
> > > >
> > > > Speaking of Bush League, I understand that minor league players are
> > > > overwhelmingly for Bush.
> > >
> > > So are primitive tribesmen in Africa.
> >
> > Like the ones who keep hurting their feet by stepping on sharp thorns?
The
> > Waaaaa Tootsies!
>
> Tecton-Nick: A shaking man.
>
> Seis Mick: Another shaking man.

That's what fighting in Chorea used to do to the poor sods!
>
> Ann Other: Alien woman.

Ullo! Hoooray!! My other PC's DVD Burner has just finished making a
permanent copy of a DVD+RW disc in its other drive. Yers. It's got two of
em.

Now all I've got to do is wait another 30 minutes or so while it verifies
it! Still - better than checking all 4.2GB of it meself.

I back stuff up - mainly downloads - bit by bit and bit by bit, onto a
DVD+RW disc I leave in the burner all the time, then when that's full, copy
it to a permanent DVD, wipe the RW disc and start again. Seems to be a good
way of doing it.

Ice up hose (brrr!) if it was all comedy stuff, it'd be 4.2 Giggle Bytes!

And why do the buggers say you can get 4.7GB onto a DVD when they only hold
4.2? 500MB seems a hell of a lot for a bit of formatting and a directory.

 

Sen Ding: Chinese version of Federal Express.

Pen Ding: Chinese writer.

Pen Ding: Chinese jail.

Pen Ding: Chinese in waiting.

Ten Ding: 10 Chinese.

Ven Ding: Chinese sellers.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41ECAC2F.A4B25EA1@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Keith E." wrote:
> >
> > > Wed, 28 Apr 2004 00:31:28 -0700 was a day just like any other,
> > > until Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:
> > > >On Wed, 28 Apr 2004 02:55:42 GMT, Keith E. <i.m.knot@aol.com>
wrote:
> > > >
> > > >>>>>>>>>Don't get sniffy with me, young man!
> > > >>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>Don't worry, I keep nose plugs with me at all times.
> > > >>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>You might just want to trim your nose hair once it gets
that
> thick,
> > > >>>>>>>Keith.
> > > >>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>I tried, but it objected.
> > > >>>>>
> > > >>>>>So that's where your handlebar mustache came from!
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>>No, that came off a bicycle. It's just a realistic paint job.

> > > >>>
> > > >>>I thought the red handlebar grips with the multicolored
streamers
> were
> > > >>>a bit much, though.
> > > >>
> > > >>They aren't streamers, they're snot wicks. They work kinda like

> > > >>those fancy clothes that wick sweat from your body.
> > > >
> > > >That'll make you popular with the ladies!
> > >
> > > They want me for my classy ways.
> >
> > Have you ever tried to TUNAFISH?
>
> To which key?

Airlock: Keeps oxygen from being stolen.

 

mike wheeEler wrote:

> In article <3FAB4D25.2E6EBA2C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>,
> tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us, Tim Bruening was looking at the world
oddly when:
> >
> >Cancer: A knight of small metal containers.
> >
> Can diass: kodachrome slide rendition of a container of candy...
Soda: Soft drink Daddy.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:43F1983E.84F80048@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > mike wheeEler wrote:
> >
> > > In article <MzNsb.107886$Ou6.80688@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> > > nemo@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > >news:3FB326AA.4DE0EDE9@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >> Subplot: Underwater farm.
> > > >>
> > > >Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret

> > still!!)
> > > >
> > > >Subarid: Underwater desert.
> > > >Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> > > >Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
> > > >
> > > Subcranial: less than lofty thoughts
> >
> > Subconscious: Aware underwater.
> >
> > Intermission: Relations between churches.
> >
> E-Q-Menical?

A blessed Q-Pun!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47B8B35C.27FAFFBF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4271D766.7AD9017B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:426EE79A.C7100DCA@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > Aster: A donkey jail.
> > > > >
> > > > > Astern: The ass of an ass.
> > > > >
> > > > > Astern: A donkey bird.
> > > > >
> > > > > Astral: Bodiless donkey.
> > > > >
> > > > > Astray: Wandering donkey.
> > > >
> > > > Ashtray: Wandering donkey with a shpeech defect caused by lung
> cancer.
> > >
> > > Cancer: A metallic cylindrical knight.
> > >
> > Doughnut: Rich torriodal loony.
>
> Donut: Crazy female deer, and the crazy medals being awarded at the
> Torino Olympics.

Donut: Crazy spelling to deliberately upset Anglo-Saxons!

You aMerkins really are a ? in the side of proper Enginsh spellinge!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47B8B38E.64B30DD7@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42AC1D0E.33450544@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > headdr wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4047C83E.D4C86525@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Countryside: Murder of a nation.
> > > >
> > > > Countryside. Murder of the environment.
> > > >
> > > Beside: Killing the hive.
> > > Curbside: Doing away with your inhibitions.
> > > Herbicide: A no salt diet.
> > > Genocide: Killing a short fat Italian.
> > > Poultricide: Choking your chicken.
> >
> > C-Side: Murdering the ocean.
> >
> > C-Side: Murdering a computer.
> >
> > D-Side: Murdering a demon.
> >
> Indecision: Opening cut, hesitantly made by an Asian surgeon.
>
> Not a Native American surgeon?
>
> Nemo
> Not for nothing the Numbo One Punster!
> For ?3 - 16s - 2d actually!
> Who's da man?? Who's da man??
>
> (What's diss big slimy insect thingey doing wrapped up in maa
> parachute?)
>
> What big slimy insect thingey?

Di big slimy insect thingey dat shoot dat green shit at Will Smith, tu rass
clart!!

He's on a poster for another film here walking down a derelict street with a
big gun in his hand, and all I can think of whenever I see it is, "Oh no!
You do not shoot dat green shit at me!!"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116629/

Got a DVD of it in a sale down Tottenham Caught Road for ?2.99!! ($5.83)

Great watching it in full widescreen on me new computer! There's around 8
minutes of restored footage as well. No handage, just footage.

Damned good film!

 

120 days since October 21.

 

160 days since 9/11.

 

200 days since August 2.

 

240 days to October 25.