Re: 03/04/05 Puns

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E94AA1.450EF05B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4365D5EE.FA38ACFE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Baker: Hot dog with bread.
> > >
> > > Banker: Dog with money.
> > >
> > > Bumper: Price of a homeless person.
> > >
> > > Dumper: Price of stupidity.
> > >
> > > Hamper: Price of a pig.
> > >
> > > Humper: Price of a bee or very small bird.
> > >
> > > Lumper: Price of a lum.
> > >
> > > Thumper: Price of a thumb.
> >
> > Stumper: Price of a prosthetic leg.

Anusthetic: What they give a patient when they're operating on his
H?morrhoids! (>!<) Or if it's a woman, Hermorrhoids! Or if the patient's
gone and left them *behind*: "Whose morrhoids are these?"

I actually heard an elderly lady in my doctor's waiting room with a bandaged
leg say "I've got various veins."

>
> Prosthetic: Parasite with artificial organs, or parasite that infests
> artificial organs.

I've got an artificial organ. It's made by Yamaha and its name is PS6100!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E94AC1.D71F3344@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:42128B55.44129F00@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Do you know any waterfall puns with which to start a cascade over
Niagra
> > > Falls?
> >
> > Yes!
> >
> > Cataract: The routine of an Arabic entertainer who simply comes onto the
> > stage and coughs violently.
>
> Meowing: Flying cat.

Catalena: A much underweight flying cat that could land on water and did a
damned good job flying for Coastal Command during WW2.

http://blog.awm.gov.au/focus/?page_id=344

Interesting story.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E94A08.65D46DBE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> "Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > >
> > > Mos wrote:
> > >
> > >
> > >>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > >>
> > >>>On Wed, 5 May 2004 07:09:47 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > >>>>
> > >>>>>On Tue, 4 May 2004 10:51:56 -0400, "Greg Evans"
> > >>>>><misterx@larkbooks.com> wrote:
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>>>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>My wife and I were lying in bed the other night
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>>Untruths between a married couple is such a sad thing....
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>>How true. She says it's only 11 1/2 inches and I say it's 12
> > >
> > > even.
> > >
> > >>>>Most steps are about that size. Gonna brag about
> > >>>>your risers next?
> > >>>
> > >>>That's when it has arisen.
> > >>
> > >>Oh, like the second coming.....
> > >
> > >
> > > Don't get Cross! Its quite unCrescent and unStarring!
> >
> > Crossdresser: The Roman soldier who puts the "INRI" sign on top.
>
> I've also seen Crossdressing at church!

Crossdressing? Is that a mixture of oil vinegar and herbs that they pour
over the main church ornament?

 

We need a story book where everyone describes their best Adult Baby
days. We can put it up on a free hosting site somewhere and make cute
cover for it. Then we'll have something we made that we can call our
own. Wouldn't it be fun to do something like that together online?

 

nemo wrote:

> Randolf Richardson <rr@8x.ca> wrote in message
> news:Xns95AAA18F7CCE8rr8xca@24.64.223.211...
> > ""nemo" <nemo@naughtylust.wet>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:419DA394.54A21294@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >> Michael Balarama wrote:
> > >>
> > >> > "Palema" <palema.04@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> > >> > news:Gd9Tb.13882$2%1.5470@newssvr24.news.prodigy.com...
> > >> >
> > >> > > A Buddhist refused Novocain during a root canal because he
wanted
> > >> > > to transcend dental medication.
> > >> >
> > >> > that puns hits a nerve
> > >>
> > >> It seems you have a psychological problem that you need to get at

the
> > >> root of.
> > >
> > > Psychological: A wheeled vehicle that has two wheels and is moved
by
> > > foot pedals and has been assembled in accordance with formul? in
> > > Boolean Algebra - ofanon!
> >
> > Shrink: Making problems seem smaller than they really are.
> >
> I thought they made problems seem larger so that they could charge
more!

Shrinking: King of psychotherapy.

 

Plotting: Bell in a play.

Presenting: Bell at Christmas.

Preventing: Bell that avoids accidents.

Providing: Bell that wins the bread and brings home the beacon.

Putting: Bell at the golf course.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:458CE986.26C2BDB@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41C92A0D.42599973@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > > > > news:10eujois7kk8ue6@corp.supernews.com...
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > > > Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:10etabh2o164c2b@corp.supernews.com...
> > > > > > >> Alan wrote:
> > > > > > >>> On Fri, 09 Jul 2004 11:22:56 GMT, "nemo"
> > <nemo@naughtylass.wet>
> > > > > > >>> wrote:
> > > > > > >>>
> > > > > > >>>> Coillons! Over here at least, most unmarred mums go out
to
> > work
> > > and
> > > > > > >>>> try to be self-sufficient
> > > > > > >>>
> > > > > > >>> Are the marred ones too disfigured to find work?
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >> Well, who would want to look at a marred one all day ?
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > > A marrsochist?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > One of those cherries that go on pineapple upside
> > > > > > down cakes ?
> > > > > >
> > > > > I've never eaten an upside-down cake. I can't stand on my head.
It
> > won't
> > > > > come off you see!
> > > > >
> > > > > Anyway, the lickyour is better.
> > > >
> > > > I have eaten an upside-down cake.
> > >
> > > Allow me to present you with this upside-down medal!
> >
> > Where's the medal?
>
> I sent it in the last post.

How do you send a physical object such as a medal over the Internet?

 

Enmity: Hostile glove.

Enormity: Big glove.

Hermit: Female glove all alone.

Imitate: Glove that does the same thing you do.

Indomitable: Glove that doesn't give up.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:438AB0A3.E517BA56@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 17 May 2004 12:49:34 GMT, Alan <bogfern1@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > >>>Actually, the devil never really did anything bad.
> > > >>>He only put the temptation out there and let the
> > > >>>fools decide. BTW: I did not click on the link,
> > > >>>you devil, you.
> > > >>
> > > >>I am not the devil.
> > > >
> > > >What the Dickens are you saying Beelzebub?
> > >
> > > Alan's the devil. I'm just his helper.
> >
> > Does Alan have a Hell Mit or a Sat Tan?
>
> Might just have a helm. That's what the tin hat is called in heraldry.
>
> You can't steer a ship with it though.

Have U ever seen R-Chie Bunker?

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48EE96ED.CE35A311@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Plotting: Bell in a play.
>
> Presenting: Bell at Christmas.
>
> Preventing: Bell that avoids accidents.
>
> Providing: Bell that wins the bread and brings home the beacon.
>
> Putting: Bell at the golf course.

Did it score a hole in Juan?

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48EE9718.627EC62A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:458CE986.26C2BDB@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41C92A0D.42599973@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:10eujois7kk8ue6@corp.supernews.com...
> > > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > > > > Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > > > > > > > news:10etabh2o164c2b@corp.supernews.com...
> > > > > > > >> Alan wrote:
> > > > > > > >>> On Fri, 09 Jul 2004 11:22:56 GMT, "nemo"
> > > <nemo@naughtylass.wet>
> > > > > > > >>> wrote:
> > > > > > > >>>
> > > > > > > >>>> Coillons! Over here at least, most unmarred mums go out
> to
> > > work
> > > > and
> > > > > > > >>>> try to be self-sufficient
> > > > > > > >>>
> > > > > > > >>> Are the marred ones too disfigured to find work?
> > > > > > > >>
> > > > > > > >> Well, who would want to look at a marred one all day ?
> > > > > > > >>
> > > > > > > > A marrsochist?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > One of those cherries that go on pineapple upside
> > > > > > > down cakes ?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > I've never eaten an upside-down cake. I can't stand on my head.
> It
> > > won't
> > > > > > come off you see!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Anyway, the lickyour is better.
> > > > >
> > > > > I have eaten an upside-down cake.
> > > >
> > > > Allow me to present you with this upside-down medal!
> > >
> > > Where's the medal?
> >
> > I sent it in the last post.
>
> How do you send a physical object such as a medal over the Internet?
>
With very freat difficultea!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48EE969F.54B122FC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Randolf Richardson <rr@8x.ca> wrote in message
> > news:Xns95AAA18F7CCE8rr8xca@24.64.223.211...
> > > ""nemo" <nemo@naughtylust.wet>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:419DA394.54A21294@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >> Michael Balarama wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> > "Palema" <palema.04@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> > > >> > news:Gd9Tb.13882$2%1.5470@newssvr24.news.prodigy.com...
> > > >> >
> > > >> > > A Buddhist refused Novocain during a root canal because he
> wanted
> > > >> > > to transcend dental medication.
> > > >> >
> > > >> > that puns hits a nerve
> > > >>
> > > >> It seems you have a psychological problem that you need to get at
>
> the
> > > >> root of.
> > > >
> > > > Psychological: A wheeled vehicle that has two wheels and is moved
> by
> > > > foot pedals and has been assembled in accordance with formul? in
> > > > Boolean Algebra - ofanon!
> > >
> > > Shrink: Making problems seem smaller than they really are.
> > >
> > I thought they made problems seem larger so that they could charge
> more!
>
> Shrinking: King of psychotherapy.

Stinking: A monarch who never bathed.

None of the ones in the Middle Ages and before did. Hygiene was considered
interfering with nature in those days. (>!<)

Nowadays, smothering your bod in unnesessary dangerous chemicals to line the
pockets of manufracturers is considered natural!!

Harwell. There's nowt ser queer as folk!

 

30 days since September 10.

 

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280 days to July 17.

 

260 days since January 24.