Re: 03/04/05 Puns

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48BE2011.DE9CE072@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:44EA1D01.658BC8E3@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:44E8EA90.D3F2331C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > On Sun, 21 Sep 2003 17:06:37 GMT, "J H Lowy"
<jhlowy@optonline.net>
> > > > > > found these unused words floating about:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >"nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > > > > >news:GNkbb.93597$B%2.84805@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >> Nick Bell <nicand_nospam_bel@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > >> news:vmpbibbda30o3b@corp.supernews.com...
> > > > > > >> >
> > > > > > >> >
> > > > > > >> > There are the descendants of French people in Northern
Ireland.
> > > > > They are
> > > > > > >> called Ulster Onionists.
> > > > > > >> >
> > > > > > >> And they speak Garlic??
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >> It's the ones in Belgium who cause all the trouble. Slightest
bit
> > > > > of
> > > > > > >> contraversy and the Walloons go up!
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >Ouch! Born in Antwerp and never went back.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > Is Antwerp the next worm hole in the Spacewerp?
> > > > >
> > > > > Antwerp: A social insect going faster than light?
> > > >
> > > > Ann Twerp: A very silly woman.
> > >
> > > Moo Ted: Cow boy.
> > >
> > Why did they used to call em cowboys when they were all groan men?
>
> I don't know.

Wealth hind doubt den!

> Moo Tate: Another cowboy.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48C0D6A1.8055B69C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Cobble: Male bovine street stones.
>
> Cobra: Female snake apparel.
>
> Coda: Father in a co-op.
>
> Concern: Against a European particle accelerator.
>
> Concert: Against lifesavers.

Chamber Concert: The audience sit on poes!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48D893CF.12A8A2CE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4189AF4E.467C0A8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41870B1C.59BFC067@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > > So then, Larry Krzewinski turns to the guy and says:
> > > > > >>>
> > > > > >>>>>>>>>You mean 20 years old with hair and without Doreen? No
> can
> > do.
> > > > > >>>>>>>>Doreen has hair. It's just not obvious with all the
> curlers.
> > > > > >>>>>>>For your sake I hope that you're talking about the hair
> on her
> > > > head!
> > > > > >>>>>>Of course! Now, the curler iron, well that's a different
> story.
> > > > > >>>>>>I'll never let myself run out of Viagra again!
> > > > > >>>>>Weren't you even a little curious when Doreen asked for
> that
> > > > vibrating
> > > > > >>>>>curling iron for Christmas?
> > > > > >>>>She told me it would improve her head.
> > > > > >>>Orally?
> > > > > >>O'Really!
> > > > > >>(Her roommate Aura Lee was Irish)
> > > > > >
> > > > > >See, my post was supposed to taken as ambiguously as possible.
> I
> > > > > >guess that you can't win 'em all.
> > > > >
> > > > > Posting: After the bell.
> > > > >
> > > > > Posting: Mailed bell.
> > > > >
> > > > > Posting: Bell on the Internet.
> > > > >
> > > > > Watcher: Knight of security.
> > > >
> > > > Cross-post: Angry poison-pen letters.
> > >
> > > Piston: 2,000 pounds of urine.
> > >
> > Car Biretta: Worn by a priest when he's driving.
>
> Carbon: Automotive pastry.

Flour oil and water mix carried by railway: Puff puff pastry!

 

DA: Demon Agriculture.

DB: Demon apine.

DC: Ocean of demon politicians.

DJ: Demon who does radio shows.

DJ: Demon who races horses.

 

"Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > Mos wrote:
> >
> >
> >>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >>
> >>>On Wed, 5 May 2004 07:09:47 -0600, "Mos" <Not@YourHouse> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>>>On Tue, 4 May 2004 10:51:56 -0400, "Greg Evans"
> >>>>><misterx@larkbooks.com> wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>>My wife and I were lying in bed the other night
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>Untruths between a married couple is such a sad thing....
> >>>>>
> >>>>>How true. She says it's only 11 1/2 inches and I say it's 12
> >
> > even.
> >
> >>>>Most steps are about that size. Gonna brag about
> >>>>your risers next?
> >>>
> >>>That's when it has arisen.
> >>
> >>Oh, like the second coming.....
> >
> >
> > Don't get Cross! Its quite unCrescent and unStarring!
>
> Crossdresser: The Roman soldier who puts the "INRI" sign on top.

I've also seen Crossdressing at church!

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4365D5EE.FA38ACFE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Baker: Hot dog with bread.
> >
> > Banker: Dog with money.
> >
> > Bumper: Price of a homeless person.
> >
> > Dumper: Price of stupidity.
> >
> > Hamper: Price of a pig.
> >
> > Humper: Price of a bee or very small bird.
> >
> > Lumper: Price of a lum.
> >
> > Thumper: Price of a thumb.
>
> Stumper: Price of a prosthetic leg.

Prosthetic: Parasite with artificial organs, or parasite that infests
artificial organs.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42128B55.44129F00@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Do you know any waterfall puns with which to start a cascade over Niagra
> > Falls?
>
> Yes!
>
> Cataract: The routine of an Arabic entertainer who simply comes onto the
> stage and coughs violently.

Meowing: Flying cat.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E6A1E9.E1DE048D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:417D6851.3C53D7AF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Foreplay: In favor of recreation.
> > >
> > > Foreshadow: In favor of shade.
> > >
> > > Parting: Musical golf course.
> >
> > Fornication: In favour of an Indian gentleman called Nicholas.
>
> Bypath: Road for people who bone both genders.
>

There's no bone involved. Your willie is h?mdraulic!

Not that it makes a vas deferens.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E7073A.C441842A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> nemo wrote:
>
> > <big snip.
> >
> > Maxwell: Biggest hole in the ground containing water.
>
> Does it make entropy go backwards?


Yers. It becomes exitopy.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E70747.658F724E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:41146051.141CBB93@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:40AC80D1.A51DD791@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Marmoset wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Hear about the physician who left work early?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > They docked her pay
> > > > >
> > > > > Curate: Price of medicine.
> > > > >
> > > > > Operate: Price of surgery.
> > > > >
> > > > > Surgery: Medical knight.
> > > >
> > > > Curate: Measure of the success of medical treatments
> > > >
> > > > Anaesthetic: A flea that only bites those who profess great
sensitivity
> > to
> > > > the beauty of art and nature.
> > > >
> > > > Beta Blockers: Drugs that stop people hanging up their carpets in
the
> > back
> > > > yard and walloping all the dust out of them.
> > >
> > > Seerate: Price of a knight for sex.
> >
> > Seering agony: a bell tolling to indicate the result of him wearing a
spiky
> > armour condom!
>
> Seering: A prophetic bell.

Propheteers: Those who used to sell fake relics and pardons in the Middle
Ages.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E49EE5.9D638BA8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4305869C.1B3C0189@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > During WW2, a lot of chickens escaped from a chicken farm when a
German
> > > > fighter plane dived down and riddled all the chicken coops and sheds
> > with
> > > > pullet holes!
> > > >
> > > > (One nobody's done yet!)
> > >
> > > Egg-actly how many chickens escaped?
> >
> > 274?
>
> How do you get half a chicken?

With a knife! (

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E6A3CA.CB9A7D8B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> cohen.izzy@gmail.com wrote:
>
> > > So there is an official state of war between the Seminoles and the
U.S.?
> >
> > Yes. But it seems this has not prevented US government approval for 4
> > Seminole-owned casinos. See:
> >
> > http://www.sptimes.com/News2/seminolegambling/dayone/main.html
> >
> > After being rejected by the Peace Corps, I received an offer from
> > Vista, the US domestic equivalent of the Peace Corps, to be an
> > "official representative of the US government" to a small Indian tribe
> > in Arkansas. I did not accept the offer.
>
> That small tribe is a nation?

Were you stoned??

 

Concave: Against spelunking.

Content: Against camping.

Contrail: Against hiking.

Contour: Against French bicycle races.

Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.

Protect: Favoring innovation.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On 17 Mar 2004 20:42:57 -0800, dontbothermeplease3333@hotmail.com
(Hylander)
> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:<40580B73.3EFD8719@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> >> Damnation: A country of mother deers.
> >>
> >> Damnation: A country dependent on hydroelectricity.
> >
> >A nation of damsels in distress.
>
> Damsels: Broker for used water containment systems.

Damming: Chinese vase that blocks rivers.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:45279C4A.7D6EFDAD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> >
> > > So then "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass.wet> said:
> > > >
> > > >The universe is slowly spinning!
> > >
> > > ..exclaimed Red, shiftily.
> >
> > Don't Doppler out!
>
> It ain't a Doppler effect. The whole point, accordion to Einstein, is that
> it's time slowing down that's causing the shift coz what you're lookin at is
> receding at one hell of a lick!
>
> One small problimm.
>
> Someone on the planet around the sun you're lookin at that's showing a red
> shift will see exactly the same red shift they look back at our Sun.
> Therefore, time must be slowing down to the same extent at both ends and
> therefore cancels out.
>
> How come I'm the only bugger who's realised this??

You're not. You just restated the Famous Twin Paradox.

If we want the two planets to meet so that we can compare clocks, one or
both
planets would have to be accelerated towards each other, then
decelerated so
that we can talk to each other. Its this acceleration which would
result in the
clock discrepancy.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EB81DC.FC16027C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > "Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:
> >
> > > On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 11:09:50 -0800
> > > J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > > On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 22:20:34 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > > > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
about:
> > > >
> > > > >On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 09:53:19 -0800
> > > > >J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > >> On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 02:02:01 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > > > >> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words
floating
> > > > >about:>
> > > > >> >On Tue, 13 Jan 2004 10:55:18 -0800
> > > > >> >"Jenni Saqua" <mara326no@spamnetscape.net> wrote:
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> >> When the weather is this cold, miserable, drippy gray I
get
> > > > >pretty> >> unbearable to be around. Must be time to cybernate.
> > > > >> >>
> > > > >> >Hey, I've got nothing against Nate!
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> Good, then you'll be going back to Nate's Tour?
> > > > >>
> > > > >Yes, and they'll call, "Nate, your lover's here!"
> > > > >
> > > > So, you intend to be Nate's "yer all"? What whill Sheila do?
> > > >
> > > I feel sure that she will bare it well.
> >
> > Bearring: Musical ursine.
>
> Bearring Straits: Non-gay musical ursine.
>
> Ursine: Points the way to an ancient city of Sumer located on a former

> channel of the Euphrates River believed to have been on the site of
the
> present day city of Urfa.
>
> http://www.adiyamanli.org/urfa.html
>
> Urfa Askey: Comedian who unlocks the stables there.

Ursine: opposite of an Urcosine.

Ursine/Urcosine = Urtangent.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:45279D17.A3799753@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:42BFC266.9D190B3D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:42BCEC0D.53509B79@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:41C67329.F92C2B8C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > > FDR, Winston Churchill, Ralph Nader.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Marx, Lenin, Trotski, Arthur Scargill!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > The new President of the Ukraine!
> > > > >
> > > > > He set fire to the place!
> > > > >
> > > > > Meet arson - Ukraine!
> > > > >
> > > > > (Yup. My first ever pun on here is still haunting the place!)
> > > >
> > > > Haunting: Ghostly bell.
> > > >
> > > Aha!
> > >
> > > King Gong: Bell monarch!!!!
> > >
> > > Owzat?? Boom boom! One in a row! Every one a Maserati!
> >
> > Fallun Gong: The bell is on the ground.
>
> Fallom Gong: Alarm that sounds on the spaceship every time the hermaphrodite
> creature tries to take control of the ship with he/she/its telekinetic
> lobes.
>
> It Seldon happens, but it's worth having an alarm for it when it does.

Golan Treviez seems to think that the 1200 Solarians might be a threat
to the
galaxy.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E9498E.1EE8BBA3@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> DA: Demon Agriculture.
>
> DB: Demon apine.
>
> DC: Ocean of demon politicians.
>
> DJ: Demon who does radio shows.
>
> DJ: Demon who races horses.

Who wins? The horses or the demon?

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48EB9546.4F8FBEFC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:45279D17.A3799753@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:42BFC266.9D190B3D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:42BCEC0D.53509B79@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > > news:41C67329.F92C2B8C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > > > FDR, Winston Churchill, Ralph Nader.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Marx, Lenin, Trotski, Arthur Scargill!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > The new President of the Ukraine!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > He set fire to the place!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Meet arson - Ukraine!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > (Yup. My first ever pun on here is still haunting the place!)
> > > > >
> > > > > Haunting: Ghostly bell.
> > > > >
> > > > Aha!
> > > >
> > > > King Gong: Bell monarch!!!!
> > > >
> > > > Owzat?? Boom boom! One in a row! Every one a Maserati!
> > >
> > > Fallun Gong: The bell is on the ground.
> >
> > Fallom Gong: Alarm that sounds on the spaceship every time the
hermaphrodite
> > creature tries to take control of the ship with he/she/its telekinetic
> > lobes.
> >
> > It Seldon happens, but it's worth having an alarm for it when it does.
>
> Golan Treviez seems to think that the 1200 Solarians might be a threat
> to the
> galaxy.

That's the Heights of ridiculousnencness.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
The daring young man known as Flying Trevise! -
His personal force-field just reached to his knees!
If shot in the belly he wouldn't last long,
With his meat and two veg shot away!


I'm half way through Foundation and Empire again now - for the
heaven-knows-what-th time - and it's still damned good. I've lost Foundation
and Earth though. I think it's amongst the huge pile of old mags, papers etc
under the table here.

That's what you call *real* Sci-fi, and explains very well why I only sat
through the first five minutes of the new Doctor Who before switching it off
in disgust! Innit?!!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48EB9517.22AB9DF5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:41EB81DC.FC16027C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > "Cybe R. Wizard" wrote:
> > >
> > > > On Thu, 15 Jan 2004 11:09:50 -0800
> > > > J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 22:20:34 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > > > > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
> about:
> > > > >
> > > > > >On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 09:53:19 -0800
> > > > > >J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > >> On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 02:02:01 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > > > > >> <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words
> floating
> > > > > >about:>
> > > > > >> >On Tue, 13 Jan 2004 10:55:18 -0800
> > > > > >> >"Jenni Saqua" <mara326no@spamnetscape.net> wrote:
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> >> When the weather is this cold, miserable, drippy gray I
> get
> > > > > >pretty> >> unbearable to be around. Must be time to cybernate.
> > > > > >> >>
> > > > > >> >Hey, I've got nothing against Nate!
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> Good, then you'll be going back to Nate's Tour?
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >Yes, and they'll call, "Nate, your lover's here!"
> > > > > >
> > > > > So, you intend to be Nate's "yer all"? What whill Sheila do?
> > > > >
> > > > I feel sure that she will bare it well.
> > >
> > > Bearring: Musical ursine.
> >
> > Bearring Straits: Non-gay musical ursine.
> >
> > Ursine: Points the way to an ancient city of Sumer located on a former
>
> > channel of the Euphrates River believed to have been on the site of
> the
> > present day city of Urfa.
> >
> > http://www.adiyamanli.org/urfa.html
> >
> > Urfa Askey: Comedian who unlocks the stables there.
>
> Ursine: opposite of an Urcosine.
>
> Ursine/Urcosine = Urtangent.

Triggernometry: Measuring the efficiency of gun firing mechanisms.