Re: 03/04/05 Puns

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3F9767F3.EDE43605@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:3F9196EE.891B7EF2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Orkin: Children of mineral bearing rocks.
> > > >
> > > Baring straits - non-gay strippers.
> >
> > Bearing: A ring that turns you into a bear.
> >
> Ball-Bearing. A sphere that turns you testes into those of a bear.
>
> Ball Race: Vet chasing a tom cat!

Atom Bomb: Exploding male cat.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4893F92D.6030180E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:3F9767F3.EDE43605@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:3F9196EE.891B7EF2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > Orkin: Children of mineral bearing rocks.
> > > > > >
> > > > > Baring straits - non-gay strippers.
> > > >
> > > > Bearing: A ring that turns you into a bear.
> > > >
> > > Ball-Bearing. A sphere that turns you testes into those of a bear.
> > >
> > > Ball Race: Vet chasing a tom cat!
> >
> > Atom Bomb: Exploding male cat.
>
> When I posted that, I said "A Tom Bomb!" Remember?

There's a difference between "A Tom Bomb" and Atom Bomb". I therefore plead not
guilty to the charge of plagiarism.

 

artyw wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message news:<3F9DB1F1.606514E9@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > Submachine Gun: Favorite weapon of Sub Marines.
> >
> > Submarines: Underwater troops.
>
> Subdued. The guy from "The Big Lebowski" is under water.

Subbing: Underwater Bing Crosby.

 

Costuming: Chinese vases in disguise.

Duming: Stupid vase.

Humming: Musical vase.

Hyming: Choir vase.

Whamming: Smashing vase.

 

Bias: Purchase a donkey.

Bias: Purchase time with a hooker.

Candy Bar: Where candies drink.

Candy Bar: Association of candy lawyers.

Candy Bar: Where candies are imprisoned.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4195ACAE.8A9AC25B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41942BE2.DC428CDC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:41930A1E.CD165321@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:4191B108.7E8F9C86@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > > Compeer: Computer colleague.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Compel: Charismatic computer.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Compete: Computer that likes to race.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Competition: Computer political activist.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Compose: A robot standing in a silly way.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Compose: Computer poetry
> > > > > >
> > > > > Robots write poems in HEX,
> > > > > While standing on big metal legs.
> > > > > The long stream of bits,
> > > > > Can get on your tits
> > > > > Till you plug up your ears with some pegs!
> > > > >
> > > > > Boom Boom!
> > > >
> > > > Do witches write in HEX also?
> > > >
> > > Nope. When they put a hex on some poor sod, they write it in cursive -
> > > except when the victim is a weaver. Then they write it in Littera
> Textura.
> >
> > Cursive: Dog writing.
> >
> Narr. That's a wire mesh strainer thing for forcing dogs through to make dog
> pur?e.

Kirkland: Nation of Trekkers.

Trekker: Dog in space.

Trekkie: Key to space.

 

Dr Tormento wrote:

> sritk@aol.com (Sritk) wrote in news:20040301132536.10232.00000628@mb-
> m03.aol.com:
>
> > Why isn't Rhode Island surrounded by water?
>
> It was originally, but since then they fixed the sewer system.

Rhode Island: Island of streets and draft dodging scholars.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:449DE785.7C2F3106@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Believe me, being made redundant from an electronics company where
> you've
> > > been testing, calibrating, repairing and building electronic equipment
> for
> > > fourteen years is utterly solder-stroying!
> >
> > Have you recently had such an experience?
> >
> Your memory's worse than mine.
>
> Yes. In October 1999 and I've hardly worked or worked hardy ever since!

Redundancy: Surplus ocean.

Redundance: To do the dance again.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44E95401.5F5D9825@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:44E6B7A8.388C2754@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:44E3711D.7602FB1A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > On 25 Feb 2005 18:01:12 -0800, "Imajoker"
> <jhines1931@peoplepc.com>
> > > > > found
> > > > > > > these unused words floating about:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >They won't compete with The Rolling Stones.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Who ...
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > pun do, pun don't - you're latter day, saint.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Gold Hunt Started By Skeleton.
> > > > >
> > > > > Red Skeleton?
> > > >
> > > > No, not a Marxist collection of bones.
> > > >
> > > He couldn't have been. McCarthy would have made sure he never worked
> again!
> > >
> > > What part of "The Land of the Free" didn't Senator McCarthy understand?
> All
> > > of it?
> >
> > Communist Animals: Red Bull, Red Hens.
> >
> What's happened to Communism over the last few years: Red Uction.

Another Communist Animal: Red Heifer, needed to trigger Armageddon by
rededicating the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:48B9EE9F.8D0B1AE6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > mike wheeEler wrote:
> >
> > > In article <1n9csv441kja9v25ositbr379v6cpm2t6s@4ax.com>,
> > > jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com, J. A. Mc. was looking at the world oddly when:
> > > >
> > > >On Thu, 27 Nov 2003 04:37:15 GMT, Buffalo Chilkat
> > > ><mammal@watering.hole> found these unused words floating about:
> > > >
> > > >>mike wheeEler wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >>>In article <54t6svct7dkle5d4uudi69bsk6sh13k65r@4ax.com>,
> > > >>>jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com, J. A. Mc. was looking at the world oddly
> when:
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>>On Tue, 25 Nov 2003 13:22:14 +0000, Jan Hyde
> > > >>>><StellaDrinker@REMOVE.ME.uboot.com> found these unused words
> floating
> > > >>>>about:
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>>>"nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet>'s wild thoughts were released
> > > >>>>>on Tue, 25 Nov 2003 11:47:23 GMT bearing the following
> > > >>>>>fruit:
> > > >>>>>
> > > >>>>>>I tried installing Boot Manager 5 - but it turned out to be a load
> of old
> > > >>>>>>cobblers.
> > > >>>>>>
> > > >>>>>Shoe should have known better.
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>>Nothing lasts ...
> > > >>>
> > > >>>Broken hearts heel themselves.
> > > >>
> > > >>That was a callous thing to say.
> > > >
> > > >Toe'd ya, tried to warn ya, heel spur you on!
> > > >
> > > Ya find ya beat insole music...
> >
> > Musical footwear?
>
> Well they got trainers that light up as you walk already, so whine not!
>
> They're for people who are easily LED into buying stupid gimmicky footwear!

Gim Mick: Tricky Irishman.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:425244B2.31775DB2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:424E6046.A49B075B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > shelly <scouvrette@bluemarble.net> wrote in message
> > > > news:<Pine.BSF.4.56.0410140948050.58891@tesla.bluemarble.net>...
> > > > > on 2004-10-14 at 05:05 <vijaynats@yahoo.com> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > >It's my pleasure to stretch it longer!
> > > > >
> > > > > won't *somebody* think of the kittens?
> > > >
> > > > Kitten: The 10th do it yourself package.
> > >
> > > You can trip over these if you go out on a moggie day!
> >
> > Tool Kit: Cat that carries tools.
> >
> Most workmen use belts made of saddle-leather these days. They think having
> all those various tools at the ready in the proximity of their wedding
> tackle makes 'em look dead butch, ducky!

Proximity: Glove near by.

DSL: A demon on the Internet.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:424E4A33.50C34978@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >
> > > On Sat, 08 May 2004 03:36:25 +0100, Dougal
> <bigron@klanmeetings.co.uk>
> > > wrote:
> > >
> > > >>>>>> I didn't want you to feel alone and abandoned.
> > > >>>>> I'm not one of your cars Greg.
> > > >>>> Oh no no no, those cars aren't abandoned; they're *restin'*!
> > > >>>> Greg
> > > >>>> pinin' for the Fords
> > > >>>
> > > >>> Gerald and Betty?
> > > >>
> > > >>Model A and T.
> > > >
> > > >You can only get that in black.
> > >
> > > When asked what colors the Model T would be available in Henry
> Ford
> > > said "The Customer Can Have Any Color He Wants So Long As It's
> Black".
> >
> > Afroamerican cars?
>
> For f**k sake stop dropping hyphens!!! They're heavy and they keep
> falling
> on my head!

Hyphen: A fen in the sky.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44ECBF01.67A54372@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:44EA1D92.998ECD21@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:44E93298.18B4EBCA@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Rowe Rickenbacker wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Miss Ann Thropy: a girl who doesn't like other people...
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > You joke, but I have a gothic friend who calls herself that...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Ann Archy: Very disorganized woman.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Phil O-Dendron: A plant man.
> > > > >
> > > > > Hyde Rangers: A soccer team for gardeners.
> > > >
> > > > Why soccer?
> > > >
> > > I don't think I've ever seen the term 'Rangers' used in the title of any
> > > other kind of football team - not in the UK anyway. I don't know about
> over
> > > there.
> >
> > Texas Rangers: Baseball team for gardeners in the President's state.
> >
> I fought they was lowmen of some sort - with very short legs!

Why did you fight?

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44EA1D01.658BC8E3@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:44E8EA90.D3F2331C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > On Sun, 21 Sep 2003 17:06:37 GMT, "J H Lowy" <jhlowy@optonline.net>
> > > > > found these unused words floating about:
> > > > >
> > > > > >"nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > > > >news:GNkbb.93597$B%2.84805@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >> Nick Bell <nicand_nospam_bel@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > > > > >> news:vmpbibbda30o3b@corp.supernews.com...
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> > There are the descendants of French people in Northern Ireland.
> > > > They are
> > > > > >> called Ulster Onionists.
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> And they speak Garlic??
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >> It's the ones in Belgium who cause all the trouble. Slightest bit
> > > > of
> > > > > >> contraversy and the Walloons go up!
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >Ouch! Born in Antwerp and never went back.
> > > > > >
> > > > > Is Antwerp the next worm hole in the Spacewerp?
> > > >
> > > > Antwerp: A social insect going faster than light?
> > >
> > > Ann Twerp: A very silly woman.
> >
> > Moo Ted: Cow boy.
> >
> Why did they used to call em cowboys when they were all groan men?

I don't know.

Moo Tate: Another cowboy.

 

325 days to Pine Tar Day on July 24.

 

50 days to my co-worker John's 1st anniversary on October 22.

 

265 days since Our Lady of Guadeloupe Day on December 12.

 

18 days since the birthdays of India and Pakistan on August 15.

 

165 days since Good Friday on March 21.

 

265 days since Poinsettia Day on December 12.