Re: 03/04/05 Puns

Re: Nomination: Rob Arndt for CNOTM

Aratzio <a6ahlyv02@sneakemail.com> wrote in
news:ikiup3dm88ue8bpr6bbeqh8mi60jfqv1pb@4ax.com:

> On Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:49:01 +0000 (UTC), in
> alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, Bertie the Bunyip <AA@AA.AA>
> bloviated:
>
>>Rob Arndt <teuton263@aol.com> wrote in news:53bf71f3-48a7-4a4d-9687-
>>a5020d234c59@q21g2000hsa.googlegroups.com:
>>
>>> Fjukktard Troll Mania is ending...
>>>
>>>
>>
>>Wel, maybe....
>>
>>Bertie
>
> It is pretty clueless to imagine running your BI so high is a *winning
> stragedy*
>
> Seconded.
>

Can I pik em?

Bertie

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:419435FF.45F2FB9A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Accountants: Ant money managers.
> >
> > Antlers: Horny ants.
> >
> > Antibiotics: Ants that fight germs.
> >
> > Antic: Tick that infests ants.
> >
> > Ante-bellum: Ants in the Old South that hate ringing objects.
> >
> > Coolants: Ants in the "in" crowd
> >
> > Decant: To pour an ant from a bottle.
> >
> > Defendants: Ants on trial.
> >
> > Dormant: Sleeping ant.
> >
> > Entrant: Ant in a contest.
> >
> > Fire Ants: Ants who fight fires.
> >
> > Important: High ranking ant.
> >
> > Migrant: Ant that moves.
> >
> > Mutant: Ant/cow/cat crossbreed.
> >
> > Reluctant: An ant that is hard to persuade.
> >
> > Remnant: The ant left over.
> >
> > Repentant: Remorseful ant.
> >
> > Resistant: Ant that blocks progress.
> >
> > Tenant: After 9 ant.
>
> Antipodes: Against formicid?'s feet.

Antacid: Formicid? LSD.

Anti: Formicid? beverage.

 

1382 years and 4 days since 1/25/625.

 

1864 years and 17 days since 1/12/144.

 

90 days since All Saint's Day.

 

1432 years since 1/24/576.

 

1524 years since 1/22/484.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41DCF32F.48C3A6CD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4109C895.E3F49846@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > >
> > > > > Parapet: Supernatural dog or cat.
> > > >
> > > > Paralize: Supernatural fibs.
> > >
> > > Parabolas: Supernatural Mexican hunting device that tangles the
legs
> > of the
> > > prey.
> > >
> > > Parador: Supernatural entrance, e.g., what the Ancient Egyptians
had
> > so that
> > > the spirits of their ancestors could visit them. About 80%
Alc/Vol, I
> > think
> > > they were.
> > >
> > > Paracrine: A paratrooper sobbing because he's landed on his nuts
and
> > messed
> > > up his hormoans.
> > >
> > > Paradise: Heaven for Craps players.
> >
> > Paralegals: Supernatural lawyers.
> >
> > Bloomerangs: Flowers that keep coming back.
> >
> Boomerangs: Floating barriers across harbours with bells on them.
>
> Boomeringues: Exploding sweet toppings etc. made of beaten egg whites
and
> sugar.
>
> Poomerang: Rebounding turd.

Turdy: Demon shit.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40C63472.EF090D48@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40C57438.72E8A83D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Adverse: Singing commercials.
> > > >
> > > > Amuse: One poet.
> > > >
> > > > Bemuse: Buzzing insect poet.
> > > >
> > > > Diverse: Swan song.
> > > >
> > > > Reverse: To sing again.
> > > >
> > > > Universe: A song with just one verse.
> > >
> > > Music: A cat that's ill.
> >
> > Also a sick cow.
> >
> Ditto, on the piste: Sick cow ski. (Later got rescued by helicopter.)

Catilena: Tipsy feline.

Cattlena: Tipsy bovine.

 

Absent: Missing penny.

Assent: 1 penny donkey.

Cursent: One penny dog.

Resent: To deliver the penny again.

Unsent: One penny international association that often seems to
accomplish nothing, and keeps dissing the U.S.!

Wisent: Smart penny.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:45E3B521.896AA48D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41EC92DA.A33910EF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 21:48:19 -0500, "Kathy" <tnktachuk@cogeco.ca>
> > found
> > > these
> > > > > unused words floating about:
> > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> > > > > >news:20040304190109.77035194@WizardsTower...
> > > > > >> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:44:52 +1030
> > > > > >> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > > > >> > > On Wed, 03 Mar 2004 21:53:23 GMT, Palema
> > > <palema.04@sbcglobal.net>
> > > > > >> > > found these unused words floating about:
> > > > > >> > >
> > > > > >> > >> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > > > >> > >>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > >> > >>>> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > > > > >> > >>>> news:4045b98c$0$12760$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au:
> > > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > > >> > >>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me
> > to do
> > > in
> > > > > >> > >>>>> bed is grown and mown. :-(
> > > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > > >> > >>>> So you're his hoe?
> > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > >> > >>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > >> > >> He must be a gay blade!
> > > > > >> > >
> > > > > >> > > If you take it in the bermuda shorts, you'll rye the day!
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> > Last time I was travelling my grass routes I got turfed out!
> > :-(
> > > > > >> >
> > > > > >> Probably by some sorry sod.
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >This is scaping up to be a really lawn thread.
> > > > > >
> > > > > Rototill for those who appreciate it, bummer otherwise.
> > > >
> > > > Bummer: Ocean of rear ends.
> > > >
> > > > Rear View Mirror: Mirror that shows your behind.
> > > >
> > > Asstronomical Telescope: Device through which you may look at Uranus!
> >
> > Mercury: Very fast and hot car.
>
> Or the discoverer of Radium swimming in the sea.

Astronomer: Star gazer in the ocean.

 

Opportune: Music that knocks.

Opossum: Mammal that does math.

Optima: The best Mom.

Optometry: Tree with 20/20 vision.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:47A162B8.6353D389@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:45E3B521.896AA48D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41EC92DA.A33910EF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 21:48:19 -0500, "Kathy" <tnktachuk@cogeco.ca>
> > > found
> > > > these
> > > > > > unused words floating about:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> > > > > > >news:20040304190109.77035194@WizardsTower...
> > > > > > >> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:44:52 +1030
> > > > > > >> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > > > > >> > > On Wed, 03 Mar 2004 21:53:23 GMT, Palema
> > > > <palema.04@sbcglobal.net>
> > > > > > >> > > found these unused words floating about:
> > > > > > >> > >
> > > > > > >> > >> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > > > > >> > >>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> > > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > > >> > >>>> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > > > > > >> > >>>> news:4045b98c$0$12760$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au:
> > > > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > > > >> > >>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants
me
> > > to do
> > > > in
> > > > > > >> > >>>>> bed is grown and mown. :-(
> > > > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > > > >> > >>>> So you're his hoe?
> > > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > > >> > >>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> > > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > > >> > >>>
> > > > > > >> > >> He must be a gay blade!
> > > > > > >> > >
> > > > > > >> > > If you take it in the bermuda shorts, you'll rye the day!
> > > > > > >> >
> > > > > > >> > Last time I was travelling my grass routes I got turfed out
!
> > > :-(
> > > > > > >> >
> > > > > > >> Probably by some sorry sod.
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >This is scaping up to be a really lawn thread.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > Rototill for those who appreciate it, bummer otherwise.
> > > > >
> > > > > Bummer: Ocean of rear ends.
> > > > >
> > > > > Rear View Mirror: Mirror that shows your behind.
> > > > >
> > > > Asstronomical Telescope: Device through which you may look at
Uranus!
> > >
> > > Mercury: Very fast and hot car.
> >
> > Or the discoverer of Radium swimming in the sea.
>
> Astronomer: Star gazer in the ocean.

Astronomoore: The presenter of "The Sky at Night"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/space/spaceguide/skyatnight/

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:449144CB.84EAAA64@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:408BD9D9.373667E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > My dog does not like Cage.
> > > >
> > > > Composer: Electronic musical knight.
> > > >
> > > Does he Offenbach?
> >
> > Women should Bee Wear of men who want to get them on their Bach!
>
> Getting a woman on her Bach would be a prelewd, ice up hose (brrr!). And if
> her relatives found out, it could start a fugue!
>
> >
> > Trifle: Little rifle.
>
> Ring Ouzel: A little machine gun using the phone!
>
> http://www.onelook.com/?w=Ring Ouzel&ls=a
>
> Blackish plumage: An old prune!

Declaw: Demon that cats hate.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44914541.A99C80B3@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "fredmiller@the.PC" wrote:
> >
> > > "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> news:<3fadb00b$0$9606$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:3FAC9C47.5A304D82@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >>
> > > > >>
> > > > >> Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > > > >>
> > > > >>> Do plumbers have pipe dreams?
> > > > >>
> > > > >> Or do they have wet dreams?
> > > > >
> > > > > Depends on the size of their cock, pet.
> > > >
> > > > Ah, your dick shone here..it was superb!
> > >
> > > Yes, his is a big Dick show, n' hairy !
> >
> > Tricky Dick.
>
> Penistentiary: Where rapists are locked away.

Domin-Nate: Man who rules.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Sun, 13 Feb 2005 21:14:04 -0800, Larry Krzewinski
> <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >On Sun, 13 Feb 2005 21:02:57 -0500, Keith E. <i.m.knot@aol.com> wrote:
> >
> >>>>>>>>I'm sure there are better ways pygthur smell fishy.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Bath in oil of anchovy?
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>There you go. Then lay next pygthurr a salmon stream when the grizzlies
> >>>>>>are frisky.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>I can always count on you for bad advice. Thanks, Keith.
> >>>>
> >>>>The bears are happy.
> >>>
> >>>Maybe so but I'm having a hard time posting inside one's stomach.
> >>
> >>No one can read stuff posted there, anyway. Unless he brings a
> >>flashlight, that is.
> >
> >Sure they can. It's called wireless networking. I need to find a way
> >to get this bear to wander near an access point on a regular basis
> >before it digests me completely. Let me borrow a pic-a-nic basket.
> >
> That would be a Boo-Boo.

Booby: Ghost apine.

Scooby: Canine apine who looks for ghosts.

 

nemo wrote:

> Buffalo Chilkat <mammal@watering.hole> wrote in message
> news:fujsrvoa1p9vaqgev3kva7l1843it24n6p@4ax.com...
> > On Fri, 21 Nov 2003 17:51:51 GMT, "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet>
> > wrote:
> >
> > >
> > >nemo <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > >news:ea8vb.51685$qu.43608@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >>
> > >> fredmiller@the.PC <fred609@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > >> news:3361f1b9.0311192251.4d6cc77b@posting.google.com...
> > >> > "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > >> news:<3fbc2286$0$13673$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>...
> > >> > > Kathy wrote:
> > >> > > > "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > >> > > > news:MCPub.27404$qu.7789@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >> > > >>
> > >> > > >> fredmiller@the.PC ?Z <FRED609@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > >> > > >> news:1660-3FBB0A8B-487@storefull-2375.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> > >> > > >>> nemo@naughtylass2.wet (nemo) wrote :
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >>> Old MacDonald was dyslexic - E O I O E
> > >> > > >>> (Billy Colony)
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >>> Silly burger!
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >>> Nemo
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >>> Silly AND stale old burger. You want flies with that ?
> > >> > > >>>
> > >> > > >> Don't tell me they've started doing Eccles Cake Burgers!
> > >> > > >>
> > >> > > > Nah, they merely signed the Maggot ? laCarta.
> > >> > >
> > >> > > I larva pun like that!
> > >> >
> > >> > You'll outgrow it once you find your wings.
> > >>
> > >> Not if he drinks his ale late!
> > >>
> > >That obviously went over your heads. It would. It's the technical term
> for
> > >wing-like and is used to describe winged insects such as queen and drone
> > >ants!
> > >
> > Hey Mr. High and Mighty. I have a Ph.D. in that bug stuff, so blow it
> > out your ass.
> >
> You sure it ain't a Nh.D., nick?!
>
> And I haven't had mighty yet. It's still in the pot.

Potting: Musical ceramic container.

Potting: Musical majuana.

Plotting: Musical play.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4254E04C.F2F31C2E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:42535904.110D9C8E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:42523F6A.E60030ED@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:424D0708.FF9D1E49@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > An alcoholic got so bad he started seeing huge arses sliding
> up
> > > > > > > and
> > > > > > > > down the
> > > > > > > > > curtains - then all of a sudden his condition D.T. rear
> rated!
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Do you have any proof?
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Nope. No no more.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > As I've mentioned before, in the EEC we've abandoned the Eric
> Sykes
> > > > > > > Scale
> > > > > > > and we measure it instead by Alcohol % by Volume - meaning that
> the
> > > > > > > more you
> > > > > > > drink, the louder you get.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Demon Rum: Drunk demon.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > DUI: Demon who drives while drunk.
> > > > > >
> > > > > DOA: A KKK member's portal and how a KKK cop's black prisoners
> always
> > > arrive
> > > > > at the police station!
> > > >
> > > > DOA: Dead demon.
> > > >
> > > > DOA: Demon On Amphetamines.
> > > >
> > > To get stoned at the Coliseum, the Romans used to take Amphitheatamines.
> >
> > DX/DY: Calculus demon.
> >
> DX? Morse for long distance? Ice up hose (brrr!) he had very bad B.O. then.

DT: Demon of Time.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42059A4F.D11CB7E4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Defer: To remove one's hair.
> >
> > Prefer: Before you grow hair.
> >
> > Refer: To grow hair again.
> >
> >
> Hearse Hoot: Meat wagon's horn sounded by an hairy undertaker when Esaw a
> pedestrian in the road!

Hollywood Tree: Tree that makes movies.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42A806EA.7DF07724@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > James D. Davis (jimd@gate.net) wrote on 1995-03-28 19:44:05 PST:
> > >
> > >
> > > Dick Wentworth (dwent@tiac.net) wrote:
> > >
> > > : A duck walks into a 7-11 and says, "Give me some chapstick and put it
> on my
> > > : bill!"
> > > : That cracks me up every time.
> > >
> > > I didn't know this was gonna turn into a web site. But if that's
> > > afoot...
> > >
> > > Q. What do you get with two ducks and a cow?
> > > A. Quackers and milk.
> > >
> > > Q. What do ducks eat for breakfast?
> > > A. Quacker Oats.
> > >
> > > Q. What do you call a duck who plays bridge?
> > > A. Donald Trump.
> > >
> > > Waddle the rest of you think up?
> >
> > Why was the duck con released?
> >
> > Because he got credit for good con-duck.
> >
> > What do you use to patch up an injured duck?
> >
> > Duck tape.
> >
> It's DUCT tape - and if you conduit, somebody else will!
>
> It's Gaffer Tape over here - but I've never seen anyone gaffer it together
> in a bun dance yet though.

Gaffer: Hair that violates a cultural norm.