Re: 03/04/05 Puns

300 days to June 21.

 

360 days to August 20.

 

360 days since August 31.

 

45 days to October 9.

 

50 days since July 6.

 

60 days to UN Day on October 24.

 

65 days to October 29.

 

70 days since gay weddings started in California on June 16.

 

75 days to November 8.

 

811 days since 06/06/06.

 

80 days since D Day on June 6.

 

85 days since June 1.

 

90 days since May 27.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Wed, 3 Dec 2003 09:05:23 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >> On Tue, 2 Dec 2003 18:11:47 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> >> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >>> mike wheeEler wrote:
> >>>> In article <3fcb40b3$0$13498$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au>,
> >>>> CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au, Sheila Dundee was looking at the world
> >>>> oddly when:
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Cybe R. Wizard wrote:
> >>>>>> On Sun, 30 Nov 2003 16:55:40 -0800
> >>>>>> J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Q: why does an ocean going river get cold?
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> A: because it has a shore throat.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>> It's been delta short hand for keeping an open mouth.
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Chemists will isolate the germ in a flu vial - you can bank on it!
> >>>>>
> >>>> It's edimentary, it's a flu vial deposit on a river bank.
> >>>
> >>> It happens when you take a fork in a river
> >>>
> >> Best to go slough ... time marshes on at its own pace.
> >
> >Did you reed that somewhere?
> >
> It was in the empty room at the Riv. you let.
>
> Did you know that Koi have the best way to travel?
> They use a carp pool.

Carping: Musical automobile.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42296AEC.D19632F5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > "nemo" <nemo@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> > news:<B5rWc.270897$a8.238664@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4129AFC7.F6E073B5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > > > > On Mon, 5 Jan 2004 17:22:24 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > > > > <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
> > about:
> > > > > >
> > > > > >> Kathy wrote:
> > > > > >>> "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > > > >>> news:si_Jb.309341$Y72.81374@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > > > >>>> Sung by a couple of pimps who run a group of girls working at
> > the
> > > > > >>>> top the the Telecomm Tower:
> > > > > >>>>
> > > > > >>>> "High ho! High ho! It's off to work we go . . . . "
> > > > > >>>>
> > > > > >>> Feeling a little flushed, off they go to the johns.
> > > > > >>
> > > > > >> I was loose myself yesterday but I hope to pickup today.
> > > > > >>
> > > > > > It's about time Tundra some work out of you! <G>
> > > > >
> > > > > Icy they have new wipers!
> > > >
> > > > Viper: Snakes used to clean wet windshields.
> > > >
> > > > Viper: Snake price.
> > > >
> > > > Saturn: Car with a ring.
> > > >
> > > Viper: Snake price???
> > >
> > > Sod it! I've adder nough!
> >
> > Subtract: A political document (such as the Communist Manifesto) under
> > water.
> >
> Manny Festo: A guy with a nasty skin condition.
>
> Manny Pesto: A guy with a nasty a pine kernel and herb sauce all over him.
>
> Pine Kernel: A high-ranking Lumberjack.

Manny: Knee of a male adult.

 

120 days since April 28.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48B24FEA.AA689B8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:424E4B88.EC1DAA2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41F08AE0.2E1249C0@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > On 26 Dec 2003 12:43:41 GMT, Dr Tormento <reply@togroup.com>
> > found
> > these
> > > > > > unused words floating about:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >"Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > > > > > >news:3feb81c7$0$18691$afc38c87@news.optusnet.com.au:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >> Michael Balarama wrote:
> > > > > > >>> "JHines7734" <jhines7734@aol.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > >>> news:20031225161625.19126.00001482@mb-m13.aol.com...
> > > > > > >>>> My name is Quasimodo. Does that name ring a bell with
> > you?
> > > > > > >>>
> > > > > > >>> that gives me a hunch, I 'll get back with you.
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >> I dated an appealing bell buoy once but he tolled me I was
>
> > too
> > > > brassy
> > > > > > >>:-(
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Really? I wouldn't ding so.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > She's been known to marker buoys for life!
> > > > >
> > > > > Marker: Writing dog.
> > > >
> > > > Highly tactile writing instrument: Felt Pen.
> > > >
> > > > Padded outdoor topless cell: Felt Pen.
> > >
> > > Are there detainees in that pen?
> >
> > You can't just detainees. You're not allowed to cut prisoners' legs
> > up.
>
> Hamstring: String of pig meat.
>
Anyone who's had a hamstring injury would have a tendon, see? - to resent
puns like that!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48B2507E.6FAFA6C5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Michael Balarama <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in message
> > news:vo0as5scksg820@corp.supernews.com...
> > >
> > > "Kathy" <tnktkachuk3@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
> > > news:t4Ufb.4853$733.292864@read1.cgocable.net...
> > > > Courier: They gave me the runaround.
> > >
> > > he could not scratch out a living
> > >
> > Who? An engraver or a flea exterminator?
> >
> > Sewer worker: Got fed up with being shat on by everybody.
> > Postman: Didn't like delivery of de vans and de uniform.
> > Producer: Went impotent.
> > Snooker player: Suddenly realised the game was a load of balls!
>
> Flower cleaner: Business wilted.
>
> VX: A chemical weapon that affects vampires.
>
Vac-Home cleaner: How we used to keep our ancient Prime Minister, Sir Alec,
clean!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48B250EF.84379D9B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:44336234.16DA94FA@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > Nick Bell wrote:
> > >
> > > > Renee writeth this ...
> > > >
> > > > I love cats. I prefer them to people.
> > > > They don't clog the Interstate
> > > > and they seldom vote Republican
> > > > _________________________________
> > > >
> > > > I am definitely against giving cats the vote or letting them have
> > > driver's licenses.
> > > > Especially undocumented ones. And these days an election can be
> won by
> > > a whisker.
> > >
> > > Diebold: Very brave election workers.
> > >
> >
> > Bloke unconscience on the ground.
> >
> > A cop asks what happened. A guy replies, "He's bold."
> >
> > "Waddayamean?" says the cop.
> >
> > "Somebody hit 'im on the head with a big heavy basin!" replied the
> man.
>
> Basin: A water inlet that transgress against God.

Basinet: Same thing except with wheels and a handle for pushing mer-babies
around in while also catching fish.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48B2531F.28FC737E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Cogency: Smart ocean.
>
> Cogently: Smart Korean.
>
> Convey: Against veys.
>
> Cowling: Baby cow.
>
> Cowing: Flying cow.
>
>
Pull the udder one!

SPLATT!!

Owwwww!