Re: 03/04/05 Puns

175 days since 02/05/08.

 

18 days since 7-11.

 

235 days since Pearl Harbor Day (December 7).

 

25 days since American Independence Day.

 

Gentlemen, not for want of a prologue, but by way of a new one, I am sent
out to you here, with a scrivener, and certain articles drawn out in haste
between our author and you; which if you please to hear, and as they
appear reasonable, to approve of; the play will follow presently.

< Ben Jonson, "The Induction", _Bartholomew Fair_ (1614)

I guess Gates or more likely one-a his lawyers is lit'ry, huh.

--
tinmimus99@hotmail.com

smeeter 11 or maybe 12

mp 10

mhm 29x13

"Ah*ooh*ah*ooh*ah*ooh*ah*ooh*ah."

< _Shaun of the Dead_

 

dfoofnik wrote:

> "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> news:20050324183436.76c3a32b@localhost.localdomain...
> > On 24 Mar 2005 11:43:50 -0800
> > "Ice" <hurricane72_2000@yahoo.com> wrote:
> >
> > > I'm looking for some cold-fashioned puns that have to do with winter
> > > or snow or ice or winter.
> > >
> > > Help please!
> > >
> > In hopes that you won't think me a cold ice, snow winter puns here.
> >
> > Cybe R. Wizard -that's not really true, someone may have some
>
> If your little girl puts ice down your back, scold her.
> When I fell backward on the ice, I was cold-est.
> It took a Coleman to design a portable stove.
> I told the doctor I slipped on his front step, and he said, "Icy."
> On the statue of Frosty in front of the optometrist's office :
> "Snowman's in Eyeland" (mine from '02)
> Me? Ski down the mountain ? Snow way!
> An avalanche is snow place to be.
> The town was hit by a second blizzard and regaled.
> You modeled for a snow sculpture? "I suppose."
> (as up-hosed to ice up hose, which wasn't mine)
>
> Lots more on some of the cold/sneeze threads....

Floozy: Cold caught by an ocean.

 

Inflatable: A balloon table.

Inflatable: A balloon male bovine.

 

Sublight: Underwater cigarette lighter.

Sublight: A type of underwater beer.

Budlight: Beer from a young leaf or flower.

Budlight: Young leaf or flower that lights cigarettes.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42EB17E3.15CD83D9@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4243D193.4EEEB08A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > startum wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > "Harry Marmoset" <harry_marmoset@msn.com> wrote in message
> > > > > news:Xns953C5887CD548harrymarmosetmsncom@209.25.157.130...
> > > > > > Hear about the hand gun exhibitionist?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > He was showing everyone his Glock
> > > > >
> > > > > And now he is securely glocked up.
> > > >
> > > > After going off half cocked.
> > > >
> > > > Half-Cocked: Premature ejaculation.
> > >
> > > It's just a splash in the pan.
> >
> > Pansy: Ocean of cooking utensils.
>
> Flintlock pistol with a cheap handle: Lock, shlock and barrel.

What kind of key opens a flint lock?

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42EB00DD.51D0E2EE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Sudsy: Ocean of beer.
> >
> > Swiftly: Tea that makes you go fast.
> >
> > Teacake: Cake drink.
> >
> > Woodsy: Ocean of trees.
> >
> > Woody: Demon of trees.
> >
> > Yeasty: Tea that makes bread rise, especially teacakes.
>
> Pains experianced by a tree: Teak aches!

Wooden Panes?

 

"Ghost of the Ex New Mr. Humor" wrote:

> Q: What beverage did the late conductor of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra
> drink when he visited Harlem ?
>
> A: Soul tea!!!
>
> HH: Soul tea. Sol-ti. The late Sir George Solti was the conductor of the
> Chicago Symphony Orchestra. You eat soul food (and soul tea) in Harlem. Get
> it??? Ha ha ha!!!

Sole Tea: Tea from shoes.

Boot Rear: A drink that kicks you in the arse.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Mon, 19 Jul 2004 16:31:13 +0930, "Sheila Dundee"
> <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> >news:20040718224906.0904066b@WizardsTower
> >> On Mon, 19 Jul 2004 12:49:39 +0930
> >> "Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> >>
> >>> "Jenni Saqua" <mara326@awol.com> wrote in message
> >>> news:40fb0b26$0$47354$d368eab@news.calweb.com
> >>>> "Sheila Dundee" wrote ...
> >>>>> "J. A. Mc." wrote
> >>>>>> On Sun, 18 Jul "Sheila Dundee" found these unused words floating
> >>>>>> about:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>> "J. A. Mc." wrote
> >>>>>>>> On Sat, 17 Jul 2004 21:41:30 +0930, "Sheila Dundee" found these
> >>>>>>>> unused words floating about:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> It was my birthday last week. I was Rh?ne alone :-(
> >>>>>>>>> Went down into the basement to find some wine. My mind went
> >>>>>>>>> blanc>>>>> - I fell. So much for my birthday cellar abrasions.
> >>>>>>>>> :-(
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Sorry to hear that, had we known we'd have sent up Shirazs and
> >>>>>>>> wild screams.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> I've racked my brains..can't think what happened!
> >>>>>>> I've got a corked thigh now :-(
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>> You must have had a corker screw in celebration!
> >>>>>
> >>>>> There are many men who like their women complex and full-bodied!!
> >>>>>
> >>>> And, well, red...
> >>>> (you know...with a delicate book,aye?)
> >>>
> >>> But woody prefer me to get a tannin?
> >>>
> >> What a fruity feeling, to see that you've already used one of the ones
> >> that I just used.
> >
> > But my tannin was about not having a white marc ! <s>
> >
> How's about a white 'Mac'?
> Betty trucker .... that is!

Trucker: Dog who drives big vehicles.

 

Which chestnut invaded Britain?

William the Conker.

Conker: Against dogs.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40AC831C.2ED0F0B0@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Typer: Price for neckwear.
> >
> > Typeface: Face with printing on it.
> >
> > Viper: Price of a snake.
> >
> > Wiper: Price of questions.
>
> Vindscreen Viper: Snake on the front of an East European's car.
>
> Guy with 50,000 fonts on his computer: Text Maniac!

Beeper: : Price of a bee.

Peeper: Price of a public toilet.

 

dfoofnik wrote:

> "nemo" <nemo@newtylust.nit> wrote in message
> news:KBf0e.116656$Bk7.102090@fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> > "Bill Colmers" <sambomambo@nowhere.com> wrote in message
> > news:d1qad3$o8a$1@tabloid.srv.ualberta.ca...
> > >
> > > "nemo" <nemo@newtylust.nit> wrote in message
> > > news:mA10e.120102$y25.39623@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > >
> > > Cherch? . . . . . la femme.
> > >
> > > Bill
> > >
> > Alla Recherch? de Tom Perdu (whoever he is!)
> >
> > Very long book! About half a mile.
> >
> Context : book smuggled into prison
> Subtext : tells how to operate a U-boat
> Pretext : a draft copy
> (Detects : removes the book)

Textile: Book on the floor.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44BCE2EE.761A5D26@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > David Simpson wrote:
> >
> > > On 10 Feb 2004 22:14:11 -0600, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
> > > <tonworthyCLOTHES@SexMagnet.com> typed furiously:
> > >
> > > >
> > > >So then, David Simpson turns to the guy and says:
> > > >>
> > > >>>>>New South Wales is good. Milt could suspend himself there.
> > > >>>Can I fly there on that virgin airline?
> > > >>No, it's already been raped. Quant, as in Mary, did the dirty.
> > > >>>>Noooooo! We'll let you keep him in the manner to which he would
like
> > > >>>>to become accustomed.
> > > >>>I could get accustomed to flying around with virgins. I might even
> get
> > > >>>my wollon gonged.
> > > >>>
> > > >>That would be a pain in the butt as they pricked it with the pin.
> > > >
> > > >Well that's it for my Oz material. Would you mind moving to New
Jersey?
> > > >
> > > Yes. I would mind.
> >
> > Minding: Brain bell.
>
> Vegetarian's hind-brain: Celerybellum.

Veg-G: Plant eating goblin.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189AF4E.467C0A8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41870B1C.59BFC067@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > So then, Larry Krzewinski turns to the guy and says:
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>You mean 20 years old with hair and without Doreen? No can
> do.
> > > > >>>>>>>>Doreen has hair. It's just not obvious with all the curlers.
> > > > >>>>>>>For your sake I hope that you're talking about the hair on her
> > > head!
> > > > >>>>>>Of course! Now, the curler iron, well that's a different story.
> > > > >>>>>>I'll never let myself run out of Viagra again!
> > > > >>>>>Weren't you even a little curious when Doreen asked for that
> > > vibrating
> > > > >>>>>curling iron for Christmas?
> > > > >>>>She told me it would improve her head.
> > > > >>>Orally?
> > > > >>O'Really!
> > > > >>(Her roommate Aura Lee was Irish)
> > > > >
> > > > >See, my post was supposed to taken as ambiguously as possible. I
> > > > >guess that you can't win 'em all.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: After the bell.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: Mailed bell.
> > > >
> > > > Posting: Bell on the Internet.
> > > >
> > > > Watcher: Knight of security.
> > >
> > > Cross-post: Angry poison-pen letters.
> >
> > Piston: 2,000 pounds of urine.
> >
> Car Biretta: Worn by a priest when he's driving.

Carbon: Automotive pastry.

 

"Keith E." wrote:

> Wed, 03 Nov 2004 22:10:19 -0800 was a day just like any other,
> until Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:
> >On Wed, 03 Nov 2004 20:50:28 -0500, Keith E. <i.m.knot@aol.com> wrote:
> >
> >>>> Nemo, you just gotta learn to speak English. <g>
> >>>
> >>>I took RSA English in 1965. Things change - especially the English language;
> >>>or would 'deteriorate' be a better word?
> >>>
> >>>Praps if books like the Oxford English Grammar had continued to be a book of
> >>>rules instead of as over the last few editions excusing bad usage as "the
> >>>evolution of the language," arguments such as these would not occur.
> >>
> >>And your post would have been written in Anglo-Saxon English.
> >
> >Nemo,
> >All language constantly evolves as words go in and out of use. There
> >are scholars that study the evolution of languages. English has
> >changed much since Shakespeare's time. It will continue to change in
> >our lifetimes. You may consider its change deterioration but it
> >evolves to suit the circumstances of the era in which it is spoken.
>
> I still hate ebonics.

Ebonic: Pastries for Nick on the Internet.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42E8E320.41A35ECD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:419EFC9C.C2892BC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:40A1E2CF.85FD2323@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Gillian V wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > "J. A. Mc." <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > news:4etf109tf60ia4nsf1lhr32o7dhh977lci@4ax.com...
> > > > > > > On 28 Jan 2004 13:18:39 GMT, Dr Tormento
<reply@togroup.com>
> found
> > > > these
> > > > > > > unused words floating about:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >"KIMEVANS" <kimevans@bigpond.com> wrote in
> > > > news:YPNRb.32277$Wa.4650@news-
> > > > > > > >server.bigpond.net.au:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >> I think I may have caught bird flu....I'm feeling
rather
> > peckish.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >That's no way to beakin a thread!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Yes, it's not a crop, her start.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > It's enough to get you into a flap, though.
> > > > >
> > > > > Balk balk balk balk balk!
> > > > >
> > > > You have *five* snooker tables? So you got thirty pockets. You
> must be
> > very
> > > > rich.
> > >
> > > Snooker: Deceitful dog.
> >
> > Snue-cur: Frummer lady kheled.
>
> Frummer: Out of the ocean.
>
> Hubble: What a space turkey says.

Snueh: Sound made by a female frummer when asleep.

Frummer: Leaving the ocean.

 

20 days since July 10.