Guam's Snake Headache to be solved by 101st Naval Airborne Division: The Screaming Tylenol Rats

Howdy peeps,

Have you heard about the Brown Tree Snake problem Guam is having? It appears the U.S.D.A., along with the U.S. Navy, have been hard at it trying to devise a way to deal with the problem for sum time now. Here's an article from September 2010:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/...animals-guam-brown-tree-snakes-mouse-tylenol/

Then here's an article from December 2013:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-25247927

So for at least the last 4 years, the U.S.D.A. has been trying to solve a serious problem in Guam, and it is a serious problem, and the article above says the 101st Naval Airborne Screaming Tylenol Rats Project is costing U.S. taxpayers about 8 million dollars per year, so that's somewhere around 30 million dollars spent so far, if not more, and no real solution has been found and the problem is still a problem.

Why don't they infuse sunflower seeds with Tylenol and drop those all over the island? Most of the little animals the snakes eat, those animals will eat the Tylenol infused sunflower seeds and while the Tylenol won't kill the little animals that eat the sunflower seeds, when a snake eats an animal that ate the Tylenol infused sunflower seeds, the snake will die and no life is actually taken in the process, since all the mice die in the U.S.D.A.'s Mouse Drop Solution, whereas with Tylenol infused sunflower seeds nothing dies from the Solution, the only life that dies is life that would have died when the snake would have eaten the little animal for nourishment to begin with, so the life that is taken by the snake, that life taken solves the problem and that little animal dies a Hero to the People of Guam by giving their life to solve the problem and they don't die so someone at the U.S.D.A. can scratch their head, while getting paid to scratch their head.

But that's our government for you, very inefficient and their Ph.D's have them perpetually.

Ribbit

Ps: I forgot to include the Insignia for the Navy's 101st Airborne Screaming Tylenol Rats.

 

Our government really needs to concentrate on eliminating the overpopulation of Brown Tree Snakes on Guam. If we don't, Guam may tip over.

 

You are absolutely right!

I just want everyone to know you aren't being funny.

Also, we need to solve the Coqui problem on Hawaii but that looks like it will take a psychological fix instead of a chemical fix.

Ribbit

 

I'm not being as serious as Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA) was:

 

There's a problem with that congressional meeting, it had nothing to do with the snake, it had to do with the Navy wanting to relocate something to Guam and the snake issue popped up.

What was the Navy trying to relocate to Guam?

And speaking of relocating, whoever is in charge of Hercules, should locate a command on Guam and it should also cover Hawaii's bombing range, since Hercules can fully replace the C-12 Command in Hawaii that covers clearing the bombing range when military exercises go down on the bombing range. Hercules can do the task much better and it's remote flown so pilots aren't required.

Do you know about the Hercules Surveillance Drones?

Ribbit

Ps: The Hercules should also be used for domestic firefighting. It can survey the fire completely and give a better layout of where the fire is and where it's going. The new technology behind Hercules can easily be de-militarized for civilian use applications/projects.

 

The weight of all those snakes might cause Guam to tip!

 

Now you wouldn't be trying to make a funny, concerning that fine gentleman from Georgia?

But if you happen to know him personally, please ask him who he gets his weed from?

Daddy Bush, perhaps? Or maybe, Junior?

Ribbit

 

No, he's not on weed. He's on coke. From Obama.

 

That would be Calcium, not Coke, from the Milk that Michelle's been promoting.

Milk + Monsanto + Michele = M³

Ribbit

 

For decimating our pigeon population, and making Springfield a less
oppressive place to while away our worthless lives, I present you with
this scented candle.
-- Mayor Quimby, "Bart, the Mother"

% Away from the speech, Skinner and Lisa talk.

Skinner: Well, I was wrong. The lizards are a godsend.
Lisa: But isn't that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we're
overrun by lizards?
Skinner: No problem. We simply release wave after wave of Chinese
needle snakes. They'll wipe out the lizards.
Lisa: But aren't the snakes even worse?
Skinner: Yes, but we're prepared for that. We've lined up a fabulous
type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.
Lisa: But then we're stuck with gorillas!
Skinner: No, that's the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around,
the gorillas simply freeze to death.
-- The Cirrrrcle of Liiiiiife ... "Bart, the Mother"

 

That sure reminds me of what I heard about Missouri and how they had a rabbit problem, so they imported wolves to eat the rabbits but then they ended up having a wolf problem, so they imported rattlesnakes to bite the wolf and kill it but instead the rattlesnake mated with a black ratsnake and the end result is a snake 10 times more poisonous than the original rattlesnake.

To get rid of both snakes, Tylenol infused sunflower seeds will work but there will be other snakes taken out too so caution has to be taken, whereas in Guam they have no natural snakes so killing all the snakes there is the objective, in Missouri killing all of the snakes includes more breeds than the original snake and it also includes the new cross-breed snake so Missouri isn't going to be easy to fix, especially with the 4 new ecosystems added and the original problem is still a problem but there's a solution to every problem and the rabbit problem is easy to fix simply by creating a $1 Bug's Hunting Stamp program, that you can use with any out-of-state hunting license and you can hunt rabbit in Missouri for that entire year and it only costs $1 for the Bug's Stamp, that you keep with your License on your person while you are hunting, just like you have your drivers license on you when you are driving.

Make it cheap to hunt rabbit in Missouri and there are thousands of Cajuns that will flock to Missouri for a change from eating rat all the time, but rabbits don't like the swamp as much as rats do, so Louisiana has more rats than rabbits but thanks to the Cajuns, Louisiana doesn't have a rat problem, but Missouri has a rabbit problem so use the Cajuns to solve the rabbit problem and the reason they don't flock to Missouri now to hunt for rabbit is because a out-of-state hunting license in Missouri is too expensive and to hunt anywhere in the state of Missouri, requires a Missouri hunting License, whereas, with the Bug's program, you don't have to buy the out-of-state hunting license, just buy a hunting license in your home state and buy a $1 Missouri Bug's Stamp and hunt all the rabbit you want, no limit and Missouri should also have Open Season on rabbit year-round.

As to the wolves, that's a whole 'nother matter.

Thanks for tossing in sum Springfield humor.

Ribbit

Ps: A question I've been asking peeps is:

"Would you have any problem believing God is Homer Simpson and the reason Homer is so stupid and an atheist is because Calculus rules his roost?"

The answer I've gotten 100% of the time is:

"No! I wouldn't have a single problem with that being the actual truth."

What's your answer?