December 3 Puns

Fred Flintstone wrote:

> This is something I wrote a few months ago.
>
> Bird Flu Hits PBS
>
> Sesame Street AP
>
> Yesterday PBS announced the untimely demise of one of it's best known
> and longest serving personalities - Big Bird.
>
> At a press conference last Friday a PBS spokesmuppet said that Big Bird
> came down with the Avian Flu and had to be put down.
>
> The spokesmuppet went on to say that Bert sent Big Bird on to his final
> reward using Ernie's Colt model 1883 double barrel shotgun with lead
> buckshot. neither Bert nor Ernie were available for comment. However
> other residents of Sesame Street did take questions.
>
> Oscar the Grouch was asked how he felt about Big Bird's Demise. He said
> it was a good thing for him. He went on to say that he will now be able
> to have all the trash he wants without Big Bird's nagging and won't have
> to worry about separating it into the appropriate bins for recycling.
> Elmo said "Elmo thinks he's got it too." right before he threw up on
> Cookie Monster. The Count said he couldn't stay any longer because he
> wanted to count the feathers. Finally Mr. Snuffleupagus said that while
> he regretted Big Brid's demise that he would make the best of the
> situation. When asked to elaborate on what he meant, he said he couldn't
> stay any longer because he needed to get to Sam's Club to get two king
> sized bags of charcoal, 50 gallons of barbecue sauce and a turkey fryer.

Is L-Mo still alive?

What an Astrono-Mick tragedy!

 

James King wrote:

> In article <407026B2.BB7C57FD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>, Tim Bruening
> <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
>
> > "fredmiller@the.PC" wrote:
> >
> > > Remembering this from one of the first Mad Magazines ever
published :
> > >
> > > His name was his trademark, and his trademark was his name. And
that
> > > was his name ~ Mark Trade !
> >
> > How Maddening!
>
> But after reading it, I feel like an alfred e. New Man!

A new man on the Internet?

Ego: To go on the Internet.

Evac: Data deletion program.

 

James King wrote:

> In article <406F69E3.E25EFC48@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>, Tim Bruening
> <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
>
> > Bounding: Captive bell.
> >
> > Conversant: Talking ant that's up to date.
> >
> > D. Ceive: Tricky demon.
> >
> > Encounter: Counter #14.
> >
> > Excell: Former jail.
> >
> > Excell: Former microorganism.
>
> Excell: Where divorced persons may go in the afterlife (although there

> are exceptions [ex-heavens].)

Exhale: A former welcome.

 

nemo wrote:

> Toolman Tim <tmayer541@charter.invalid> wrote in message
> news:106n80d2d8onh5b@corp.supernews.com...
> > With all the borscht they consume, I don't understand why
> > Russians aren't the world's greatest rock stars.
> >
> > I mean, everyone knows that the heart of rock and roll is
> > the beet.
> >
> And with all the borscht they used to consume, people on holiday in
the
> Catskills ended up needing longer trouser retainers. This item of
clothing
> soon became known as The Borscht Belt.

Bedrock: Where stones and rocs sleep.

Shamrock: Fake stone.

Shampoo: Fake stools.

 

Common: The computer on the 1st day of the work week.

Compel: Computer that enforces its orders via mental manipulation.

Congo: The criminal is leaving.

Dongo: So is the Mafia leader.

Epilog: The end of the fallen tree.

 

Lagoon: Muscle woman in Spain or France.

Lampoon: Cartoon about light giving devices.

LBJ: President of the birds and the bees.

Lingo: The Chinese man is leaving.

Mango: The male is leaving.