December 3 Puns

Compromise: Electronic promise.

Comrade: Radioactive computer.

Comstock: Stock in a computer company.

JV: A flying blue vampire.

JV: Jewish vampire.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3FB5D464.E9DACCD4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Trouser: Knight of pants.
>
> Bowser: Knight in charge of tanker trucks carrying fuel or water.

Bowser: A dog on a knight like this.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3FB5D5FA.704C1114@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > >
> > > > Subdue: Underwater postage stamp.
> > >
> > > Gunman: Man with a gun for a head.
> >
> > Handgun: To have a gun for a hand.
> >
> Pistol: A gun kept in a Urinal.

Grenada: Father of a hand thrown explosive.

 

Slow Lee: Not a fast Korean.

Sprit Lee: Energetic Korean.

Swift Lee: Fast Korean.

Verdant: Green ant.

 

nemo wrote:

> Michael Balarama <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in message
> news:vo0as5scksg820@corp.supernews.com...
> >
> > "Kathy" <tnktkachuk3@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
> > news:t4Ufb.4853$733.292864@read1.cgocable.net...
> > > Courier: They gave me the runaround.
> >
> > he could not scratch out a living
> >
> Who? An engraver or a flea exterminator?
>
> Sewer worker: Got fed up with being shat on by everybody.
> Postman: Didn't like delivery of de vans and de uniform.
> Producer: Went impotent.
> Snooker player: Suddenly realised the game was a load of balls!

Flower cleaner: Business wilted.

VX: A chemical weapon that affects vampires.

 

nemo wrote:

> fredmiller@the.PC ?Z <FRED609@webtv.net> wrote in message
> news:8317-3F82C5C1-633@storefull-2377.public.lawson.webtv.net...
> nemo@naughtylass2.wet (nemo)
> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3F81B6DA.66DBD746@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> nemo wrote:
> Michael Balarama <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in message
> news:vo0as5scksg820@corp.supernews.com...
> "Kathy" <tnktkachuk3@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
> news:t4Ufb.4853$733.292864@read1.cgocable.net...
> Courier: They gave me the runaround.
> he could not scratch out a living
>
> Who? An engraver or a flea exterminator?
> Sewer worker: Got fed up with being shat on by everybody. Postman:
> Didn't like delivery of de vans and de uniform. Producer: Went
impotent.
> Snooker player: Suddenly realised the game was a load of balls!
>
> Flower cleaner: Business drooped.
>
> The question is: Will Ted take his place?

Car saleman: His business crashed.

VX: A chemical weapons that turns people into vampires.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44336C54.8CE4B599@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:424E6046.A49B075B@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > > shelly <scouvrette@bluemarble.net> wrote in message
> > > > news:<Pine.BSF.4.56.0410140948050.58891@tesla.bluemarble.net>...

> > > > > on 2004-10-14 at 05:05 <vijaynats@yahoo.com> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > >It's my pleasure to stretch it longer!
> > > > >
> > > > > won't *somebody* think of the kittens?
> > > >
> > > > Kitten: The 10th do it yourself package.
> > >
> > > You can trip over these if you go out on a moggie day!
> >
> > Tool Kit: Cat that carries tools.
> >
> Cool Tit: Frozen songbird.

Commando: Soldier who orders pastry batter around.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4434CB33.10186085@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > X-Mas: What happens at an alien church.
> >
> > ET: What aliens drink.
> >
> > Congest: Against jokes.
> >
> > Conquest: Against adventures.
> >
> > Baku: A sheep revolution.
> >
> Barnabus: A mass-transit vehicle for sheep where they can have a drink

as
> well, and is garaged in a farm building.

Barabbas: Revolutionary sheep in Jerusalem around 30 AD who was released

in place of Jesus.

 

CheechWizard wrote:

> > it's not a conspiracy, just a common observation.
>
> ...well here's another clue for you all...i was the
> second gunman on the grassy knoll...
> used a remington sr8...mail order....22 bucks...
> complete with scope...

Remington: 2,000 pound shaving vase.

 

Gating: Bell at a doorway.

Hitting: Aggressive bell.

Jetting: Flying bell.

Lapping: Bell sitting down.

Lapping: Bell on a cat's tongue.

 

Hiding: Greeting to a bell.

Hiding: Far up bell.

Hounding: Dog bell.

Letting: Let every bell ring.

Mending: Male bell.

 

Miss Demeanor: A nice girl who commits petty crimes.

Miss Fire: A girl who can't hit the broad side of a barn.

Miss Sing: A female singer who can't carry a tune in a bucket.

Periscope: 2 bottles of mouthwash (Scope mouthwash).

 

Claiming: Vase that tells tall tales.

Confirming: Chinese vase that verifies.

Confirming: Vase at a criminal company.

Confirming: Against vase companies.

 

Sub aerial: Underwater antenna.

Subbranch: Part of an underwater tree.

Subbreed: Specials of submarine.

Subcabinet: Part of the merperson government.

Subclan: Tribe of merpeople.

 

Subcast: Actors in an underwater play. They must follow the subplot.

Subceller: Lowest part of an underwater house.

Subceller: To sell submarines.

Subdean: What happened to Dean's poll numbers.

Suburban: To ban mermaids.

 

Subcellular: Underwater cell phone.

Subcompact: Agreement among merperson and fish nations.

Subprogram: What runs an underwater computer.

Subshell: Outside of a submarine.

 

Onkel Petey wrote:

> Tim Bruening wrote:
>
> >
> > "Keith E." wrote:
> >
> >
> >>Fri, 30 Jan 2004 21:43:07 -0500 was a day just like any other,
> >>until "Greg Evans" <gregIGNOREevans@charter.BLATHER.net> wrote:
> >>
> >>>Keith E. wrote:
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>>>>>Working in perfect harmony
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>Harmony? You're having chili pygthurr, huh?
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Harmony, harmony, let's all join in harmony.
> >>>>
> >>>><pfffft>
> >>>><brrraaAAPPPPPP!!!!>
> >>>
> >>>It's been done - 30 years ago, c/o Mel Brooks.
> >>
> >>'74? That's smack-dab in the middle of the hazy '66-'80 period.
> >
> >
> > I went to Ithica, NY that year!
> >
> Umm, I think you mean Ithaca, New York. That's in the heart of Cornell.

Cornell: An a-maizing bell.

 

Alan wrote:

> On Sat, 31 Jan 2004 13:30:25 -0800, Larry Krzewinski
> <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:
>
> >On Sat, 31 Jan 2004 20:28:15 GMT, Alan <bogfern1@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >
> >>>>>>>>Sounds like sharp advice
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Try to really avoid the ones named "Barb-y."
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>You met Barb Dwyer?
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Yeah, but I was sorta on the fence about her.
> >>>>
> >>>>I heard she had a lot of stile.
> >>>
> >>>She was more than a little loopy, if you ask me.
> >>
> >>She was strung out when I saw her.
> >
> >And probably dumb as a post.
>
> Well, a Pole anyway.

Gallup, Zogby, ABC, CBS, or etc...?

Zogby: Apine that asks political questions.

 

"Keith E." wrote:

> Wed, 28 Apr 2004 00:31:28 -0700 was a day just like any other,
> until Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> wrote:
> >On Wed, 28 Apr 2004 02:55:42 GMT, Keith E. <i.m.knot@aol.com> wrote:
> >
> >>>>>>>>>Don't get sniffy with me, young man!
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>Don't worry, I keep nose plugs with me at all times.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>You might just want to trim your nose hair once it gets that
thick,
> >>>>>>>Keith.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>I tried, but it objected.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>So that's where your handlebar mustache came from!
> >>>>
> >>>>No, that came off a bicycle. It's just a realistic paint job.
> >>>
> >>>I thought the red handlebar grips with the multicolored streamers
were
> >>>a bit much, though.
> >>
> >>They aren't streamers, they're snot wicks. They work kinda like
> >>those fancy clothes that wick sweat from your body.
> >
> >That'll make you popular with the ladies!
>
> They want me for my classy ways.

Fishing: Singing sea life.

Barby: Apine in jail, or drunk, or practicing law.

 

"Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:

> So then Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> said:
> >>So then "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> said:
> >>>> So then Alan <bogfern1@hotmail.com> said:
> >>>> >On Sat, 24 Apr 2004 15:40:57 -0700, Tim Bruening
> >
> >>>> >>Why didn't Noah do any fishing?
> >>>> >>Because he had only two worms.
> >>>> >Why didn't Noah play cards?
> >>>> >The elephants were sitting on the deck.
> >>>> Ivory much doubt that.
> >>>If it were (sub junk tiff) the poop deck, they'd have been shitting
on
> >>>the deck instead.
> >>Then they'd cook up their calfs in a baby elephant wok.
> >
> >Did you know that Noah was Japanese? After it was all over he
> >committed Hatari-kari.
>
> One of the cattle drown due to his clumsiness, so he had to do the
> honor a bull thing.

How Terri Bull!