15 December Puns

30 days to 08/08/08.

 

"J. A. Mc." wrote:

> On Sun, 27 Jun 2004 16:51:54 +0800, ?rchie <hard@it.allthetime> found these
> unused words floating about:
>
> >Twas brillig and a slithy tove named J. A. Mc. didst gyre and gimble in
> >the wabe while reciting:
> >
> >>On Sat, 26 Jun 2004 16:53:01 +0800, ?rchie <hard@it.allthetime> found these
> >>unused words floating about:
> >>
> >>>Twas brillig and a slithy tove named Tim Bruening didst gyre and gimble
> >>>in the wabe while reciting:
> >>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>nemo wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>>> Soft fruit grown for quick profit: Convertible Currant-cy.
> >>>>> (The Good Life)
> >>>>
> >>>>That's shocking!
> >>>
> >>>Watt?
> >>>
> >>It's a long winding explanation. Wire you interested?
> >
> >I was just inducted into it and my life was transformed
> >
> Then you need a short breaker.

Breaker: A donkey dog.

Simba: A fake sheep.

Mockba: Another fake sheep.

Hammock: Fake pig meat.

Mocker: Fake canine.

 

150 days to Pearl Harbor Day.

 

275 days to Holy Saturday.

 

80 days since Earth Day.

 

Raphael Kearns wrote:

> "nemo" <nemo@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> news:9jRid.36325$Bk6.27480@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4189CFA4.2A6F6CC5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> Absentee: Tea that lets you be absent from your present location.
> >>
> >> Batty: Turns you into a bat so that you can fly out.
> >>
> >> Catty: Turns you into a cat so that you can climb or jump out.
> >>
> >> Flighty: Allows you to fly.
> >>
> >> Invisibility: Makes you invisible.
> >>
> >> Jetty: Makes you blast off.
> >>
> >> Levity: Allows you to levitate.
> >>
> >> Ratty: Turns you into a rat so that you can escape.
> >>
> >> Shorty: Makes you short. Runty would make you short too.
> >>
> >> Smarty: Makes you smart enough to escape.
> >
> > Farty: Makes people stay far away ffrom you.
> >
> >Lefty; Communist beverage

Righty: Conservative tea.

 

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Fri, 5 Nov 2004 06:55:01 -0500, "Frank A. Rosenbaum"
> <farosenbaum@charter.net> wrote:
>
> >>>>>>>>>>> If you want to feather bed, go ahead. I don't give a flock.
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>>> "Birds of a flock, feather together".
> >>>>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>>> What goose down here ... <G>
> >>>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>> When my family moved to Michigan, we were Michibeginne rs.Then
> >>>>>>>>> there are Michiganders, Michigeese, and Michigoslings.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> Sounds like you've been Michigoosed, Frank.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Actually, Larry, I have been Michigeesed. There was more than one
> >>>>>>> finger.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> I've had people give me the finger on many
> >>>>>> occations and I don't live any where near there.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>I know what you mean. I don't need anyone to give me any fingers. I
> >>>>>already
> >>>>>have ten of my own.
> >>>>
> >>>> You geesed yourself in the Michigander?
> >>>
> >>>Guffaw, No, I didn't. I geesed my wife in her Michigander.
> >>
> >> Well, that sure explains all the goslings.
> >
> >I don't know where you are looking, but there are only two in my flock.
>
> If your flock starts flocking other flocks you could end up as a
> cooked grandfather goose.

Goosing: Musical mud.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:425A1F63.F8BD3DA3@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Greg Evans wrote:
> >
> > > dougal wrote:
> > >
> > > >>> I'm not stealing it. It was a gift from Elisabeth. Even my
pet
> > > >>> iguana likes it.
> > > >> More darn euphemisms.
> > > >
> > > > If it was an euphemism Larry would have said pet tadpole.
> > >
> > > No, no. The *truth* would be tadpole, but he would have *said*
whale.
> >
> > Whale Ling: Big Chinese cetacian.
> >
>
> Tadpole: Whacko Jacko's todger!

Tadpole: A column of young frogs.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4317E6E3.F5F49994@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4271AF83.D283CC05@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > Thailand: A country that breaks even.
> > >
> > > Ukraine: I Kraine, Ukraine, He Kraines, etc.
> >
> > Narr. It's lifting gear for raising very heavy female sheep and
featured
in
> > the first or second pun I ever posted on here:
> >
> > "Me Tarzan. Ukraine!"
>
> It can also raise a certain kind of tree.

But only when powered by a hornbeam-engine. Nothing else woodwork!

Ukraine: Small guitars falling from the sky.

Fall Ling: Autumn in China.

 

110 days since Easter Monday.

 

275 days to Easter Monday.

 

120 days to Fall of Berlin Wall Day.

 

192 days to the end of Bush!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:487710E6.C7D70DAD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>
> > On Fri, 5 Nov 2004 06:55:01 -0500, "Frank A. Rosenbaum"
> > <farosenbaum@charter.net> wrote:
> >
> > >>>>>>>>>>> If you want to feather bed, go ahead. I don't give a flock.
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>>> "Birds of a flock, feather together".
> > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>>> What goose down here ... <G>
> > >>>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>>> When my family moved to Michigan, we were Michibeginne rs.Then
> > >>>>>>>>> there are Michiganders, Michigeese, and Michigoslings.
> > >>>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>>> Sounds like you've been Michigoosed, Frank.
> > >>>>>>>
> > >>>>>>> Actually, Larry, I have been Michigeesed. There was more than
one
> > >>>>>>> finger.
> > >>>>>>
> > >>>>>> I've had people give me the finger on many
> > >>>>>> occations and I don't live any where near there.
> > >>>>>
> > >>>>>I know what you mean. I don't need anyone to give me any fingers. I
> > >>>>>already
> > >>>>>have ten of my own.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> You geesed yourself in the Michigander?
> > >>>
> > >>>Guffaw, No, I didn't. I geesed my wife in her Michigander.
> > >>
> > >> Well, that sure explains all the goslings.
> > >
> > >I don't know where you are looking, but there are only two in my flock.
> >
> > If your flock starts flocking other flocks you could end up as a
> > cooked grandfather goose.
>
> Goosing: Musical mud.

What about this bloke?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Léon_Goossens

He played the Oboe, although not the pink variety, ducky!

 

KIMEVANS wrote:

> "john czarnuszewicz" <jaczar@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
> news:uI9zb.142460$Ec1.5751958@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> > People who die find themselves in a grave situation.
> >
> > after months and months of coughin'

That one flu like a lead balloon.

Balloon: Crazy sheep.

 

25 days to 08/08/08.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:487AFB11.8AF66E07@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> KIMEVANS wrote:
>
> > "john czarnuszewicz" <jaczar@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message
> > news:uI9zb.142460$Ec1.5751958@bgtnsc05-news.ops.worldnet.att.net...
> > > People who die find themselves in a grave situation.
> > >
> > > after months and months of coughin'
>
> That one flu like a lead balloon.
>
> Balloon: Crazy sheep.

You can lead a balloon ot water, but you cannot make it squink!!

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44B46C3F.CCF1F17F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> >
> > > So then Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com> said:
> > > >
> > > >>So then maelmill@eunet.at (Elisabeth M?ller) said:
> > > >>>>>On Thu, 22 Apr 2004 23:03:58 GMT, Alan <bogfern1@hotmail.com>
> wrote:
> > > >>>>>>I keep getting these awful images of Larry and Greg doing the
> merengue
> > > >>>>>>together. Please don't tell me you two tango as well.
> > > >>>>>In Paris. For the last time.
> > > >>>>I remember when that first came out, and it was supposed to
> > > >>>>be real dirty! So we had to sneak into the theatre dressed in
> > > >>>>paper bags, then only to see Marlon Brando's butt! What
> > > >>>>a bummer!
> > > >>>Not that there is anything wrong with Marlon Brando's butt, but the
> > > >>>movie was really boring. I was just glad it had a happy ending.
> > > >>Well, as soon as I saw his end I turned away. But now that I think
> > > >>about it, maybe it was smirking a little.
> > > >
> > > >I always did think he was a little bit cracked.
> > >
> > > Yep, by cracky. That's why he was never in a sit com.
> >
> > Sitcom: Communications chair.
> >
> > Sitcom: Computer chair.
> >
> > Sitcom: Chair maker.
>
> Downholsterer: Covers legless chairs.
>
> There are such things. Telephone exchanges have them so you can be
> comfortable when you're working on the lowest shelf of equipment on Iraq.

How did Iraq get involved in this pun?

 

JC: Penny: Ocean of one cent clothing.

Krypton: Heavy secret.

MC: Ocean of masters of ceremonies.

NBC: Another TV ocean.

PC: Ocean of computers or urine.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4157C106.17EBF416@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Blues Buoy <ashishgandre@gmail.com> wrote in message
> > > news:13697ebc.0407052121.6c436a41@posting.google.com...
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:<40E9104B.F4F18F98@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > Bob Crowley wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message

> > > news:<40DEC5AA.DA71EA39@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > > > Concave: Against spelunking.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Content: Against camping.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Contrail: Against hiking.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Contour: Against French bicycle races.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Protect: Favoring innovation.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > bicycle - use twice only
> > > > > >
> > > > > > bipolar - compass with north and south
> > > > > >
> > > > > > binary - 2 canaries
> > > > > >
> > > > > > bimetallic - very heavy metal band
> > > > >
> > > > > Biplane: Bisexual flying machine.
> > > >
> > > > Antimony - Frugalist
> > > >
> > > Beryllium: Interring a guy called Liam.
> > >
> > > Barium: Interring anybody's body!
> > >
> > > Potassium: Favored by stoned donkeys.
> > >
> > > Aluminium: Tasty curried potatoes prepared by Minerva.
> >
> > Helium: Gas that cures.
> >
> > Curium: A transuranic element that cures.
>
> C?sium: Element that grabs hold of yer!
>
> So many elements to choose from, my Cuprum-eth over!

Hydrogen: Gas that gives out greetings.