15 December Puns

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E49EDC.CE832A8A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On Sun, 15 Apr 2001 01:11:48 -0700, Tim Bruening
> > <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> tweaked a mouse's tail to post:
> >
> > >Sen-Tree: A guardian tree.
> > >
> > >Tapis-tree: A tree where magic tapestries grow.
> >
> > Pan-tree: A potted copper beech.
>
> Pan-Tree: A tree on which pans, pants, and/or panties grow.

Our first Council flat/apartment was quite posh and had a wall kin pantry,
with hooks where you could hang your children!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48C9E83B.EDDAD2DD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Buffy: Price of slaying vampires in the nude.
>
> Razor: Knight of shaving.
>
> Laser: Knight of light beams.
>
> Target: Get more tar!

Bullsigh: Emitted by a male bovine who's fed up with being shot at!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48C9E85F.8DA0F7F4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Douglas D. Anderson" <dda@rr.rochester.com> wrote in message
> > news:X6Zhf.64012$JQ.2744@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
> > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >>Buffalo Chilkat <mammal@watering.hole> wrote in message
> > > >>news:rsssqvgc6rpdv08kegbu24nrgtirre0jf2@4ax.com...
> > > >>
> > > >>>College of Marine Biology - schools of fish!
> > > >>
> > > >>Ditto for Cetaceans: University of Wales.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Bewail: Very large bee that swims in the sea, along with Puff, the
>
> > > > Maaagic Draaagon.
> > >
> > > Then there was the ill treated British soldier, called
> > > "Poof, the unmanly dragoon".
> >
> > There was another one who used to get drunk on pomegranate liqueur. He
> was a member of the Grenadine Guards.
>
> VJ Day: A day to celebrate blood sucking blue birds.

The only colourful crow there is.

There's also a liqueur that you can give to sick female pigs to make them
better. Curacao!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48C0D723.A226DB3A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Glimmer: Dimly lit ocean.
>
> Glummer: Depressed ocean.
>
> Glooming: Depressed Chinese vase.
>
> Glooming: Chinese vase filled with glue.

Rooming in the Glooming. A Scottish song about living in a rented dwelling
where all the lights have fused.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48C0D787.1DBC535@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:42296951.9A576DFB@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > >
> > > > On Tue, 20 Jan 2004 09:40:59 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > > <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating
about:
> > > >
> > > > >Jenni Saqua wrote:
> > > > >> "J. A. Mc." <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > > >> news:1h3o00poln22bn08r08ti60u4cgcntea3b@4ax.com...
> > > > >>> On Mon, 19 Jan 2004 00:16:32 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> > > > >>> <mara326no@spamnetscape.net> found these unused words floating
> > about:
> > > > >>>
> > > > >>>> I either have a crush on one of the actors on CSI... or I'm
just
> > > > >>>> being swayed by the bawdy of evidence.
> > > > >>>>
> > > > >>> My 'a my! Just can't LV them alone? If it gets too bad you could
be
> > > > >>> suing Sidle.
> > > > >>>
> > > > >> Some of us Calleigh fornians (a la Arnold) are too laid back to
sue.
> > > > >> But, perhaps I cadaver arrested ...?
> > > > >
> > > > >This thread is autopsy turvy :-(
> > > > >
> > > > You could always give Viv a section to work on ...
> > >
> > > Autopsy: Ocean of car tops.
> >
> > Lithotripsy: Ocean where you fall over smashed up lumps of people's
kidney
> > stones.
>
> Kidney: Knee of a child.
>
> Beanie: Knee of an apine.

Heinzzzz Beanzzzz: They're favourite food.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48BE2024.ED1183A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Serape: A large primate knight.
>
> Sobering: Ring that cures drunkenness.
>
> Soberness: Non drunk Scottish monster.
>
> Soften: 10 Cushy people.
>
> Soleness: One Scottish monster.

Gordelpus Brown: One Scottish Prime Monster.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48D8915B.98D7C993@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On 05 May 2004 11:32:51 GMT, Dr Tormento <reply@togroup.com> found
> these
> > unused words floating about:
> >
> > >"Jenni Saqua" <mara326@awol.com> wrote in
> > >news:409846f7$0$28708$d368eab@news.calweb.com:
> > >
> > >> "J. A. Mc." wrote ...
> > >>> On 04 May Dr Tormento originally found these
> > >>> unused words floating about:
> > >>>
> > >>> >Today is National Star Wars Day.
> > >>> >
> > >>> >May the 4th be with you!
> > >>>
> > >>> Oh be wanken Obie!
> > >>>
> > >> Hey, he did a good jabba that one...bet ya had to chewbacca bunch
> of
> > >> retorts to hit that one.
> > >
> > > Never a darth of wit from Jeni.
> >
> > Vader go Jenni ...
>
> Have you ever been to a Maul?

Iyyy still call em malls to rhyme with pals like in the 60s back, and I am
unanymouse in that! Baaa-Mehhhh-Eekk!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E707DB.48D2D6BC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Bruce Atchison - author wrote:
>
> > Hi folks and greetings to all the short people on the list too.
> >
> > Could anybody see their way clear to give us some insight on 20/20 puns?
If
> > I get too much insight, somebody will send me outsight. If I keep
going,
> > I'll be out of site. I hope nobody will cite some group rule I've
broken
> > for that pun.
> >
> > Sence-cerely,
>
> How can you have a 20/20 pun? The date 20/20 is impossible!

It depends on your eyes' height.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48D89200.1F26B72E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Kathy wrote:
>
> > "Michael Balarama" <mbalar@ev1.net> wrote in message
> > news:vod83qgqt1dc2e@corp.supernews.com...
> > >
> > > "Hauke Reddmann" <fc3a501@uni-hamburg.de> wrote in message
> > > news:bm5q9i$a0s$1@rzsun03.rrz.uni-hamburg.de...
> > > > Nehmo Sergheyev <nehmo54@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > > > > I just went to a pun site made by a female, who, for obvious
reasons,
> > I
> > > > > won't name. Everything there is pretty normal, but at the bottom
of
> > one
> > > > > page is a button offering to show us her "Submission Form". I
*didn't*
> > > > > press on it because how she does that shouldn't be on the web and
_I_
> > > > > refuse to look at such an obscenity!
> > > >
> > > > Good that I didn't tell you about the cuneiform.
> > >
> > > I heard she uses a similar saying as Arnold uses-I"ll be on my back.
> > > >
> > They say she and several other ladies formed a lumbar company.
>
> Submission Form: Form you fill out to go to a church in the deep blue
> sea.
>
> Master: A spinning congregation.

Well the whole story *is* a bit of a yarn!!

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:426A13AD.862149E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:426648BB.23F78E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > During WW2, a lot of chickens escaped from a chicken farm when a
> German
> > > > > fighter plane dived down and riddled all the chicken coops and sheds
> > > with
> > > > > pullet holes!
> > > > >
> > > > > (One nobody's done yet!)
> > > >
> > > > Egg-actly how many chickens escaped?
> > >
> > > 103.14159. That's 100, plus one that had already been baked.
> >
> > Did the ckickens fly?
>
> Nope. And neither did the chickens.
>
> You do all those mathematical puns and then fail to spot that the extra
> chicken had been baked in a Pi! Ida know!!

How did the baked 3.1415926 chickens escape?

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:421A833C.89A86BDE@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Michael Balarama wrote:
> >
> > > A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank
> > > manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones,
> > > who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."
> > >
> > > The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will
> > > be tried as soon as we catch him."
> >
> > Whose vault is that?
>
> A gang of criminals who only ever stole from the very best high-class
> financial establishments and when finally caught were charged with bank
> snobbery!

VAT: Tax on containers.

 

Brandy: Demon that makes wine.

Candy: Sweet demon.

Deafer: Hair that can't hear.

Debar: Demon lawyer, alcohol vendor, or prisoner.

Debark: Demon canine.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42F81619.3586559D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Bunningham: Rabbit-fox crossbreed.
> >
> > Cunningham: Sly, clever, foxy actor.
>
> Cunningham Tandem: Intermediate telephone exchange which used to be
> abbreviated to CUN/T. I kid you not!

Tandem: John Kerry in the sun.

 

Defib: To make someone tell the truth.

Defibrillator: Machine that makes someone tell the truth.

Formalize: Official fibs.

Legalize: Prevaricating lawyers.

Hospitalize: HMO fibs.

Industrialize: Lies in the business world.

Hooker: Fishing or prostitute dog.

Linker: Chain dog.

Soaker: Wet dog.

 

"Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4208796A.19EC97FC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > BC: Apine ocean.
> > > >
> > > > BC: Ocean before Christ.
> > > >
> > > > TC: Result of the Boston Tea Party.
> > > >
> > > > WTC: Ocean of traders.
> > > >
> > > AD: Kate the very brave BBC war correspondent.
> > >
> > > BBC: Ocean full of small motor horns.
> >
> > CD: Ocean full of demons.
> >
> > DC: Ocean of politicians or demons.
> >
> BBC: Ocean of small copper pellets.

AC: Electrical ocean.

Declaim: Poetic demon.

Declaimer: Ocean of demonic pottery.

Decline: Demon whose status is falling.

Decree: Demon edict.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E6A1B1.E60C76A1@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Palema wrote:
>
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:402B0F85.2740A7E3@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >>Agency: Sea of government departments and boards.
> > >>
> > >>Company: Computerized cooking container on your knee.
> > >>
> > >>Exaggerate: Price of enlargements.
> > >>
> > >>Pico: Very small pie company.
> > >
> > >
> > > Nano: Very small English baby-minder.
> > >
Nanu: A very small English Mindy-minder for minding a small minded Mindy
whose mind was so small she couldn't stop looking ultra-condescending and
patronising whenever Mork got a laugh etc. and spoiled the entire series! So
there!

Shuzzbutt!: A deformity of the backside caused by too much space travel and
using a silly squeaky voice.

> > I Hawaii, they catch the crook in a Dano-second!
>
> Mexico: Company that makes Mexis.
>
> Timex: Mexican watch.
>

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E70801.729B9840@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Strange Lad wrote:
>
> > "NottNick" <nmm657xx@bellows.org.uk> wrote in message
news:c2q8ri$hcn$1@titan.btinternet.com...
> > > I've been a member of this group for a while now and realise I'm not
the
> > > only Nick.
> > > So I'm now NOTTNICK.
> > >
> > >
> > So am I
> >
> > Strange NotNick
>
> Nottingham: Not a pig.
>
> Willingham: A pig football coach (just hired by the Washington Huskies)
> who wants sex!

With a corks' crew?

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E9495C.46E7175F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:426A13AD.862149E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:426648BB.23F78E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > During WW2, a lot of chickens escaped from a chicken farm when a
> > German
> > > > > > fighter plane dived down and riddled all the chicken coops and
sheds
> > > > with
> > > > > > pullet holes!
> > > > > >
> > > > > > (One nobody's done yet!)
> > > > >
> > > > > Egg-actly how many chickens escaped?
> > > >
> > > > 103.14159. That's 100, plus one that had already been baked.
> > >
> > > Did the ckickens fly?
> >
> > Nope. And neither did the chickens.
> >
> > You do all those mathematical puns and then fail to spot that the extra
> > chicken had been baked in a Pi! Ida know!!
>
> How did the baked 3.1415926 chickens escape?

There were two holes in the pie dish it stuck its feet through and it stuck
its head out of one of the ventilator holes in the pastry crust . . . . . .
.. . . and ran like pharque!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48E49F19.9FFD2415@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Sail Bum wrote:
>
> > WHY SAILBOATS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
> >
> > Sailboats never choose to get their hair done instead of spending time
> > with you.
> >
> > Sailboats never have a curfew.
>
> Curfew: Not many dogs.
>
> Incur: Sex with a bitch.
>
> Occur: Fat dog.

Obeast: Any fat animal.

 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/oct/05/artificialintelligenceai
--
Tim Weaver

"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive,
difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-
boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."

- Gene Spafford, 1992