15 December Puns

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:438ABD15.829A70C8@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:412017B1.B67A6AF9@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:411F626B.C857283C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:411C66D5.A8EF5106@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > On Thu, 25 Mar 2004 20:39:38 -0800, "ynotssor" <"ynotssor">
> > > wrote:
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >Because all the longs are already taken, that's why.
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >Some of y'all are just going to have to get ashort.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > I'm glad I got here early and already have my long!
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > If I can't get A Long, can I get a B Long?
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Belonging: An urge coming from an impossible fetish for apidae.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > (One ya didn't think of!)
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Apidae: When pissmronounced - beeing felicitous for 24 hours.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Clammit: Glove worn by marine shelled life form.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Frammit: Picturisque glove.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Gambit: Adventourouse computer program.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Gammit: Playful glove.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Jammit: Jelly like glove.
> > > > > >
> > > > > Mitosis: Glove division in which the fingers divide into nuclei
> > > containing
> > > > > the same number of fingernails.
> > > >
> > > > Aimmit: Straight arrowed glove.
> > > >
> > > > Blammit: A glove that assigns responsibility.
> > > >
> > > > Calamity: Glove of disaster.
> > > >
> > > > Claimmit: Glove that requests compensation.
> > > >
> > > > Crammit: Cluttered glove.
> > > >
> > > Kermit: Green glove puppet.
> >
> > History: A British Conservative snake.
> >
> > Smitt: A snake glove.
> >
> > Smutt: A snake dog that makes porn.
>
> Shmutter: A snake dog dressmaker who's always grumbling under her breath.
>
> Cabbage: How old is a taxi?

Rummage: How old is the beer?

 

Ancestry: Very old tree.

Artistry: Tree with paintings, rugs, sculptures, musical compositions,
and other art.

Chemistry: Tree full of toxic stuff.

Country: Very big tree.

Geometry: Tree with lots of shapes.

Pastry: Tree with breads, donuts, rolls, biscuits, and cookies.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Douglas D. Anderson" <dda@rr.rochester.com> wrote in message
> news:R51_d.83537$vK5.76442@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
> >
> > " Alan" <bogfern1@hotmail.com> wrote
> > > "Douglas D. Anderson" wrote
> > >
> > > > > Happy square root of 10 day!
> > > > >
> > > > vj day: a day for celebrating voltage times the square root of -1.
> > > >
> > > When did they change that to "j"?
> > >
> > It's been "j" in electronics for a long long time. Reason? Because current
> > is already called "i", and it was necessary to avoid confusion. Ergo, when
> > talking electricity, it's "j".
> >
> Talking electricity:
>
> Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzznnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnpfpfpfpfpfpfp
> fpfpffffffffppp . . BANG!!!!
>
> OUCH!
>
> Should have fitted an Arcy Dee!

D.C. City of demon politicians.

 

Belay: Sex with a bee.

CD: Ocean of demons.

CD: Demonic recording device.

ID: Demon seeing organ.

ID: Demon name.

 

Glimmer: Dimly lit ocean.

Glummer: Depressed ocean.

Glooming: Depressed Chinese vase.

Glooming: Chinese vase filled with glue.

 

Konker: Dog belonging to a giant ape that climbs skyscrapers.

Pamper: Price of a cooking spray.

Parapet: Domestic animal from the 5th dimension.

Pesky: Annoying object that undoes locks.

Skit: Young cat in a short play.

Skittish: Young scardy cat.

Velvet: Cloth that fought in a war.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42296951.9A576DFB@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > > On Tue, 20 Jan 2004 09:40:59 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >Jenni Saqua wrote:
> > > >> "J. A. Mc." <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > >> news:1h3o00poln22bn08r08ti60u4cgcntea3b@4ax.com...
> > > >>> On Mon, 19 Jan 2004 00:16:32 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> > > >>> <mara326no@spamnetscape.net> found these unused words floating
> about:
> > > >>>
> > > >>>> I either have a crush on one of the actors on CSI... or I'm just
> > > >>>> being swayed by the bawdy of evidence.
> > > >>>>
> > > >>> My 'a my! Just can't LV them alone? If it gets too bad you could be
> > > >>> suing Sidle.
> > > >>>
> > > >> Some of us Calleigh fornians (a la Arnold) are too laid back to sue.
> > > >> But, perhaps I cadaver arrested ...?
> > > >
> > > >This thread is autopsy turvy :-(
> > > >
> > > You could always give Viv a section to work on ...
> >
> > Autopsy: Ocean of car tops.
>
> Lithotripsy: Ocean where you fall over smashed up lumps of people's kidney
> stones.

Kidney: Knee of a child.

Beanie: Knee of an apine.

 

360 days since 9/11.

 

Peter Hucker wrote:

> On Thu, 22 Nov 2007 03:21:26 -0000, ah <splifingate@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > Peter Hucker wrote:
> >> On Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:28:55 -0000, ah <splifingate@gmail.com> wrote:
> >>
> >>> Phil Kyle wrote:
> >>>> ah <splifingate@gmail.com> wrote in
> >>>> news:47423590$0$90449$892e0abb@auth.newsreader.octanews.com:
> >>>>
> >>>>> Phil Kyle wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Tim's a Level-4 burn victim.
> >>>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> On his fingertips, presumably?
> >>>
> >>> I was thinking total epidermal . . . 'e spends far too much time plugged-in.
> >>
> >> I've found his hand:
> >> http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/docs/2002-123/images/E-burn.jpg
> >
> > FOK!
>
> FOKKER!
> http://hucker.plus.com/canon/Fokker F-16 Fighting Falcon.jpg
>
> --
> This message has been brought to you by solar and wind power. Who needs the national grid?
> http://www.petersparrots.com http://www.insanevideoclips.com http://www.petersphotos.com
>
> A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit, 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit, 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.
> He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit, Lucky frog."
> The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit, 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,"OK where to next?"
> The frog replies, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to "Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit, Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, " What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit, $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across them table.
> The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me."
> He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
> "And that, your honour, is how the girl ended up in my room."

Did that room have security cameras that would show the frog turning
into the girl? Or were there security cameras outside that would show
the man entering the room with the frog and no girl?

The man ought to be able to afford a good defense lawyer with the money
he won!

 

90 days since 06/07/08.

 

190 days since Leap Day on February 29.

 

55 days to Halloween.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3F97613D.C8ABC84E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:3F93AFC0.1F5DAEEC@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Comply: Wooden computers.
> > > > >
> > > > > Compact: Small computers.
> > > > >
> > > > > Compact: A computer treaty.
> > > >
> > > > Commune: Leftist computer.
> > > >
> > > Commodore: Love of computers.
> > >
> > > Commodor: Smell of computers.
> > >
> > > Combone: Computer controlled, slide tuned, brass instrument.
> >
> > Commute: Silent computer.
> >
> Commute: A very difficult thing to do in London at the moment with
half the
> Tube (Subway) system falling to bits thanks to Tony B'liar and his
Private
> Pubic Partnershit!!

Communist: A Red Computer.

Red Potato: A Communist spud.

Supermarket: Where Clark Kent shops.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:48BCCD24.F8139CC7@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > dobey the elf <dobeygjr@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > news:1103429597.827357.239620@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> > >
> > > Abbey Normal wrote:
> > > > "nemo" <nemo@newtylust.nit> wrote in message
> > > > news:tm4xd.34601$Rf4.32812@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > > >
> > > > > Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> > > > > news:10s6aporsf9bt35@corp.supernews.com...
> > > > >>
> > > > >>
> > > > >> "dobey the elf" <dobeygjr@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > > > >> news:1103298756.180279.50080@z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com
> > > > >> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > > > >> >> nemo wrote:
> > > > >> >>
> > > > >> >> > Larry Krzewinski <Feerless_Freep@madmagazine.com>
> > > > >> >> > wrote in message
> > > > >> >> > news:l397c0pgrt4b547843q0s2q3ai7sr769mj@4ax.com...
> > > > >> >> > > On 6 Jun 2004 15:53:04 -0700,
> > > > >> >> > > tsbrueni@dcn.davis.ca.us (Tim
> > > > >> > Bruening)
> > > > >> >> > > wrote:
> > > > >> >> > >
> > > > >> >> > > >> I *am* the scorekeeper.
> > > > >> >> > > >
> > > > >> >> > > >What do you keep 20 of?
> > > > >> >> > >
> > > > >> >> > > Fingers and toes. Why?
> > > > >> >> >
> > > > >> >> > Not sheet music, or in the case of pop, shit music?
> > > > >> >>
> > > > >> >> Sheet music: Played by the KKK band.
> > > > >>
> > > > >> Sheetmusic: Tunes to have sex by.
> > > > >>
> > > > >> > Sheetrock: music ghosts like!
> > > > >>
> > > > >> Sheetrock: Geographical formations birds use for a loo.
> > > > >>
> > > > > Sheet Trocken: Dry German whine with a very odd recipe!
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > The liquor store down on the corner used to sell that whine, but
> it
> > > was
> > > > overpriced. I always thought they were out to gypsum one.
> > > I heard that store was all talc!
> > >
> > Talc: Mg3Si4O10(OH)2
> >
> > Gypsum: CaSO4?2H2O
>
> Gypsum: The con man sure gypsum people tonight!

It's a conspivracy! That's why!

 

Is dead. I have been reduced to being a "standard" user with only one
monitor at my disposal. And I don't mind saying it's putting a major crimp
in my routine. On the up side, I have notices a moderate overall
performance increase.

OK, who's going to pony-up and buy me a new secondary display?
--
Tim Weaver

"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive,
difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-
boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."

- Gene Spafford, 1992

 

On Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:43:13 -0500, Tim Weaver wrote:

> Is dead. I have been reduced to being a "standard" user with only one
> monitor at my disposal. And I don't mind saying it's putting a major crimp
> in my routine. On the up side, I have notices a moderate overall
> performance increase.
>
> OK, who's going to pony-up and buy me a new secondary display?

Sorry, I'm really strapped.

--
tinmimus99@hotmail.com

smeeter 11 or maybe 12

mp 10

mhm 29x13

Hoc est ratio?

< Lucilius

 

mimus wrote:

> On Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:43:13 -0500, Tim Weaver wrote:
>
>> Is dead. I have been reduced to being a "standard" user with only one
>> monitor at my disposal. And I don't mind saying it's putting a major
>> crimp in my routine. On the up side, I have notices a moderate overall
>> performance increase.
>>
>> OK, who's going to pony-up and buy me a new secondary display?
>
> Sorry, I'm really strapped.

I don't need to know about your aberrant sexual proclivities, just buy me
another monitor. 24" wide screen, please. I will be a nice guy and let you
choose the brand (no generic crap, though). When can I expect delivery?
--
Tim Weaver

"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive,
difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-
boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."

- Gene Spafford, 1992

 

On Sun, 07 Sep 2008 12:34:53 -0500, Tim Weaver wrote:

> mimus wrote:
>
>> On Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:43:13 -0500, Tim Weaver wrote:
>>
>>> Is dead. I have been reduced to being a "standard" user with only one
>>> monitor at my disposal. And I don't mind saying it's putting a major
>>> crimp in my routine. On the up side, I have notices a moderate overall
>>> performance increase.
>>>
>>> OK, who's going to pony-up and buy me a new secondary display?
>>
>> Sorry, I'm really strapped.
>
> I don't need to know about your aberrant sexual proclivities, just buy me
> another monitor. 24" wide screen, please. I will be a nice guy and let you
> choose the brand (no generic crap, though). When can I expect delivery?

Sometime in the next few weeks.

Be sure to watch out for delivery, otherwise it'll be returned.

--
tinmimus99@hotmail.com

smeeter 11 or maybe 12

mp 10

mhm 29x13

I am a Shing. All Shing are liars. Am I, then, a Shing lying to you, in
which case of course I am not a Shing, but a non-Shing, lying? Or is it a
lie that all Shing lie? But I am a Shing, truly; and truly I lie.

< _City of Illusions_

 

On Sun, 07 Sep 2008 12:56:11 -0400, mimus <tinmimus99@hotmail.com>
wrote:

>On Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:43:13 -0500, Tim Weaver wrote:
>
>> Is dead. I have been reduced to being a "standard" user with only one
>> monitor at my disposal. And I don't mind saying it's putting a major crimp
>> in my routine. On the up side, I have notices a moderate overall
>> performance increase.
>>
>> OK, who's going to pony-up and buy me a new secondary display?
>
>Sorry, I'm really strapped.

im using mine. sorry.

 

340 days to August 13.