15 December Puns

nemo wrote:

> Abbey Normal <abbeyn@dontspame.com> wrote in message
> news:O4-dnQXQgLfrY1ncRVn-ug@comcast.com...
> >
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:41C4E98E.F64D8A26@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > Bob Crowley wrote:
> > >
> > >> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > >> news:<40DEC5AA.DA71EA39@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > >> > Concave: Against spelunking.
> > >> >
> > >> > Content: Against camping.
> > >> >
> > >> > Contrail: Against hiking.
> > >> >
> > >> > Contour: Against French bicycle races.
> > >> >
> > >> > Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
> > >> >
> > >> > Protect: Favoring innovation.
> > >>
> > >> bipartisan - artist with hair parted in the middle
> > >>
> > >> bicycle - use twice only
> > >>
> > >> bipolar - compass with north and south
> > >>
> > >> binary - 2 canaries
> > >>
> > >> bimetallic - very heavy metal band
> > >
> > > Biplane: Bisexual flying machine.
> >
> > Everyone has their own idea of what a little trim is.
> >
> Yeah!! A butcher's haircut. Short bacon sides!!
>
> And why is a barber's pole red, white and blue?
>
> Either he's got a very strange kind of VD, or it's blood, bandages and
> ointment.

Poultry: Chicken shaped tree that grows long sticks.

Gallantry: A tree that bows and gives gallons of good liquor.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4893F688.D3E4D542@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Randolf Richardson <rr@8x.ca> wrote in message
> > news:Xns95BB7DC256ABDrr8xca@24.64.223.211...
> > > ""nemo" <nemo@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > > Randolf Richardson <rr@8x.ca> wrote in message
> > > > news:Xns95BAF10B223F8rr8xca@24.64.223.211...
> > > >> ""nemo" <nemo@newtylust.nit>" wrote in alt.humor.puns:
> > > >>> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > >>> news:41B80605.27FD0B07@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >>>> nemo wrote:
> > > >>>>> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > >>>>> news:4041ECA6.560B9C3D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >>>>>> nemo wrote:
> > > >>>>>>> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > >>>>>>> news:403DB6E9.49724ED2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>> Ascending: Rising bell.
> > > >>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>> Descending: Falling bell.
> > > >>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>> Pending: A bell that writes.
> > > >>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>> RC: Ocean of rear ends or donkeys.
> > > >>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>> Vending: Ringing stores.
> > > >>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>> Nope. It's on a notice in Jackie Mason's doctor's surgery:
> > > >>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>> "Vending goes da bell, walks de next patient in please."
> > > >>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>> (Noah fence!)
> > > >>>>>>
> > > >>>>>> I thought that Noah built an ark, not a fence.
> > > >>>>>
> > > >>>>> That was beef whore he was instructed to take up emergency
> > > >>>>> shipbuilding.
> > > >>>>>
> > > >>>>> And he used to work at night - under ark lights!
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>> Beef whore: Mad Cow Hooker?
> > > >>>
> > > >>> Careful. She might give you Creutzfeldt Jack-off disease!
> > > >>
> > > >> I'm sure glad I don't have a steak in that industry.
> > > >
> > > > Quite right. Some of the girls' minders carry knives and trying to
> > > > steak a claim can bring you out in the most terrible pimp holes.
> > >
> > > It's probably the most dangerous occupation in the world -- there are
many
> > > a hero-in who just end up gone; Eerie as can be when they're found
dead!
> > >
> > > --
> > It's about time they found dead a special agency to deal with this sort
of
> > thing.
>
> Homeland Security?

Guards patrolling the studio where The Simpsons is made: Homerland Security.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4893F8E2.EB16B2C3@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Mary had a little lamb,
> > The Midwife nearly died.
> > To add to the astonishment
> > It came out ready-fried!
> >
> > Mary had a little lamb.
> > Shock killed the Obstetrician.
> > The answer, though, was quickly found:
> > She'd married a magician!
> >
> > Boom boom! Two in a row!!
>
> Who was the lambda?

I dunno. Some Omricon bloke.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4893F320.29C932BD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4041ED5A.FD273B86@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:403DBDD4.974AC221@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > B-10: The bee who lost.
> > > >
> > > > Beanie: Part of a bee's anatomy you wear on your head.
> > > >
> > > > Base Ball Cap: Covering for spherical objects in the nether
> regions
> > usually
> > > > referred to using a rude word from the Nether Lands, or is that
> > bollocks?!
> > >
> > > Like a condom? (*Those* ones are called Wellington Boots over here!)
>
> > >
> > Sentence in murder case or whole country manufacturing rubbers:
> > Condomnation.
>
> Sentencing: What the judge sings at the end of a trial.

An Undertaker's airship: A dirgible!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:4893A9B6.11B73D2A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> About: One boxing match.
>
> Abutter: One item to put on bread.
>
> Acorn: One kernel of a yellow vegetable.
>
> Admix: Get another mixing bowl.
>
> Albacore: Center of all sheep.

Albany Street: A road in London where everything is prohibited.

 

35 days to 9/11.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42F30E54.1AAA51E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41823108.972DA667@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Michael Balarama wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
> > > > >
> > > > > A. He had no body to dance with.
> > > >
> > > > What do ghosts eat for dinner?
> > > >
> > > > Spook-etti and Goullash.
> > > >
> > > Or chickn if they're poultrygeists.
> >
> > Where do ghosts like to swim?
> >
> > In the Dead Sea.
>
> At least they won't get that sinking feeling.
>
> The Red Sea once had no fewer than vermilion people swimming in it!

Red Sea: Communist ocean.

 

nemo wrote:

> <big snip.
>
> Maxwell: Biggest hole in the ground containing water.

Does it make entropy go backwards?

 

160 days to Martin Luther King Day on January 15.

 

165 days to the end of Bush on January 20.

 

240 days since Our Lady of Guadeloupe Day on December 12.

 

280 days to Hug Your Cat Day on May 15.

 

65 days to Columbus Day on October 12.

 

On Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:42:05 +0100, nemo <nemo@naughtylass.wet> wrote:

>
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4893A9B6.11B73D2A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>> About: One boxing match.
>>
>> Abutter: One item to put on bread.
>>
>> Acorn: One kernel of a yellow vegetable.
>>
>> Admix: Get another mixing bowl.
>>
>> Albacore: Center of all sheep.
>
> Albany Street: A road in London where everything is prohibited.

99% of things are already prohibited in the whole of the UK.

--
http://www.petersparrots.com http://www.insanevideoclips.com http://www.petersphotos.com

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

 

"Peter Hucker" <none@spam.com> wrote in message
news:op.ufqnsjmx4buhsv@fx62.mshome.net...
> On Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:42:05 +0100, nemo <nemo@naughtylass.wet> wrote:
>
> >
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4893A9B6.11B73D2A@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> About: One boxing match.
> >>
> >> Abutter: One item to put on bread.
> >>
> >> Acorn: One kernel of a yellow vegetable.

And if you go that colour, there must be something wrong with your glans!

> >>
> >> Admix: Get another mixing bowl.
> >>
> >> Albacore: Center of all sheep.

Abacaire: Centre of all 50s Aussie singers and very nice too!

> >
> > Albany Street: A road in London where everything is prohibited.
>
> 99% of things are already prohibited in the whole of the UK.

And everything that is not prohibited in the UK, is compulsory!
(Somebody phoning in to LBC)


>
> --
> http://www.petersparrots.com http://www.insanevideoclips.com
http://www.petersphotos.com
>
> It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

 

250 days to April 21.

 

190 days since Ash Wednesday on February 6.

 

175 days since February 21.

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:489C2A05.52A69F94@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:42F30E54.1AAA51E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:41823108.972DA667@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Michael Balarama wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
> > > > > >
> > > > > > A. He had no body to dance with.
> > > > >
> > > > > What do ghosts eat for dinner?
> > > > >
> > > > > Spook-etti and Goullash.
> > > > >
> > > > Or chickn if they're poultrygeists.
> > >
> > > Where do ghosts like to swim?
> > >
> > > In the Dead Sea.
> >
> > At least they won't get that sinking feeling.
> >
> > The Red Sea once had no fewer than vermilion people swimming in it!
>
> Red Sea: Communist ocean.

Jack Sea: An ocean reserved for Bum Boats!

 

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:489C39BD.C965BAD7@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> 240 days since Our Lady of Guadeloupe Day on December 12.

Guadeloupe: To have a couple of armed and legged men watch over a magnifying
glass!