15 December Puns

nemo wrote:

> James King <jlking3@ix.netcom.com> wrote in message
> news:230420042016159258%jlking3@ix.netcom.com...
> > In article <Cweic.60$Hr5.24@nurse.blueyonder.net>, nemo
> > <nemo@naughtylass.wet> wrote:
> >
> > > James King <jlking3@ix.netcom.com> wrote in message
> > > news:220420041015512054%jlking3@ix.netcom.com...
> > > > In article <mYEhc.4530$b4.4467@doctor.cableinet.net>, nemo
> > > > <nemo@naughtylass.wet> wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Cybe R. Wizard <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> > > > > news:20040421190234.3f4db74c@WizardsTower...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Yea, verily, I say unto you that on this date (Wed, 21 Apr 2004
> > > 16:03:35
> > > > > > +0100) "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass.wet> didst appear within my Magick
> > > > > > Viewing Screen and, being somewhat pleasantly supplicatory, did
> > > > > > polemicize thusly:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > startum <startum@mail.anonymizer.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:Gsuhc.86807$vn.250898@sea-read.news.verio.net...
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > "S." <s@usenet.com> wrote in message
> > > > > > > news:c651q9015uj@enews1.newsguy.com...
> > > > > > > > > Why do the French have only one
> > > > > > > > > egg for breakfast?
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Because one egg is an oeuf.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Is that how we get 'One egg oeufer easy' ?
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > I wouldn'r eat eggs if they were the last food on oeuf!
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > It sounds oeufl to me, too.
> > > > > >
> > > > > <serious>
> > > > > There's enough cholesterol in one egg to last your body a week - and
> > > some
> > > > > people eat several a day!!
> > > >
> > > > <serious>
> > > >
> > > > I'm on the South Beach diet now, and my cholesterol dropped from 217
> to
> > > > 176 in 3 weeks even though I increased my egg intake from
> approximately
> > > > zero to a dozen a week.
> > > >
> > > > It's the first time in 6 years my cholesterol has been lower than 200.
> > > >
> > >
> > > That's clucking amazing!!
> >
> > At first I was going to "chicken" out on trying the diet, but one of my
> > piano students had a 50% drop in his cholestrol level .. from 207 to
> > 104. So I tried it. I find it very easy to stay on.
> >
> > I've also lost about 20 pounds in about 2 months on the diet -- not
> > that I was fat by any stretch of the imagination -- I was doing this
> > strictly because of my student's cholesterol results.
> >
> > Changing your diet is a lot cheaper than buying statin drugs. (Or in
> > Russia, "Stalin" drugs--the kind that make you want to wait for long
> > periods of time.)
> >
> > > My cousin Ivor is on a strict cholesterol-free diet as directed by his
> heart
> > > specialist and yet his cholesterol level stays stubbornly astronomical!
> >
> > What about his fat intake? Is he eating a lot of saturated fat and
> > trans-fat? I think that has more of a dietary effect on cholesterol
> > levels. If his good-to-bad is a decent ratio, then it's less of a
> > concern.
> >
> > > He's not typical either.
> >
> > > What's yer Prostate Specific Antigen level like??
> >
> > I didn't have that checked ... or if I did, I wasn't given the results.
> > I'll ask my doctor.
> >
> You've got to keep an eye on that too. It helps if you're a contortionist!

Contort: Against wrongs.

 

Formula: In favor of a cow la.

Event: A computer expressing its anger.

Expressing: Songs of a former reporter.

Pressing: Singing newspaper.

Depressing: Downbeat songs.

Oppressing: Songs of dictators.

Repressing: More dictator songs.

 

startum wrote:

> "Harry Marmoset" <harry_marmoset@msn.com> wrote in message
> news:Xns953C5887CD548harrymarmosetmsncom@209.25.157.130...
> > Hear about the hand gun exhibitionist?
> >
> > He was showing everyone his Glock
>
> And now he is securely glocked up.

After going off half cocked.

Half-Cocked: Premature ejaculation.

 

Embarrassing: Red faced singer.

Embossing: Song of a potter.

Embracing: Hugging song.

Expressing: Song of a failed newspaper.

Flossing: Dentist song.

Grossings: 144 songs.

Harassing: Song that bugs people.

Harnessing: Song of draft animals.

Hissing: Snake song.

History: Conservative British snake.

 

Ceasing: Computerized song.

Circuit: Electrical knight.

Easing: Song on the Internet.

Icing: Another Internet song.

Transistor: A daughter of the Mother Board.

 

Dipole: To color a Polish person, or a long cyclinder, or a planetary
axis.

Doling: Baby female deer.

Dopey: Urinating female deer.

Doping: Musical female deer on drugs.

Dozing: Sleeping female deer.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:44BCE5F1.3AEF75E1@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4250EB29.F4D25C2F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:41F1B8B8.58CFD6DB@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Bubble: Soapy speculative bull.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Combust: Burning computer.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Combustible: Burning male cow.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Commerce: Trading computer.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Coming: Computer vase.nsect.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Electromagnetic: Parasite that produces light and is attractive.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Market: Cat on Wall Street.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Pebble: Small rocky bull.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Walker: Dog at the NYSE.
> > > > >
> > > > > Wanker: Dog who bought Marks and Spencer's shares when they were
> > > > ?9.50!!
> > > >
> > > > Liberator: Mountain top that sets men and women free.
> > > >
> > > Glastonbury Tor: Big pimple on the earth with an underground vitreous
> 2000lb
> > > lump underneath.
> > >
> > > (Been there. Climbed it. Remains of one of the oldest religious
> settlements
> > > in the country and at the intersection of quite a few lay lines. Very
> spooky
> > > indeed! Bradwell on Sea is *the* oldest. Spooky there too.)
> >
> > Spiky: Key to a Buffy vampire.
>
> Chubby: A fat apine locksmith.

Why is she a locksmith?

 

290 days since October 2.

 

210 days since December 21.

 

340 days since August 13.

 

15 days to August 4.

 

290 days to May 6.

 

300 days to May 16.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41E204B8.F835FE73@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > At the crucifiction, the guy next to Christ kept bragging on about
the
> fact
> > > that the Romans had used three times as many nails to pin him up
as they
> had
> > > used on Christ.
> > >
> > > In the end, Christ got fed up and said, "I really wish you'd drop
this
> > > 'Holeyer than thou' attitude!' "
> >
> > In other words, he got Cross!
>
> Till someone snipped the cross-post. Then he fell down right on top of
a
> Centurion. See? Even the Romans had our brilliant tanks!

Centurion: One penny Roman soldier.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:423003CE.A05470F6@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4157C106.17EBF416@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Blues Buoy <ashishgandre@gmail.com> wrote in message
> > > > > news:13697ebc.0407052121.6c436a41@posting.google.com...
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:<40E9104B.F4F18F98@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > > > Bob Crowley wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >
> > > > > news:<40DEC5AA.DA71EA39@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us>...
> > > > > > > > > Concave: Against spelunking.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Content: Against camping.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Contrail: Against hiking.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Contour: Against French bicycle races.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Produce: A supporter of Italian dictator Mussolini.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > Protect: Favoring innovation.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > bicycle - use twice only
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > bipolar - compass with north and south
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > binary - 2 canaries
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > bimetallic - very heavy metal band
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Biplane: Bisexual flying machine.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Antimony - Frugalist
> > > > > >
> > > > > Beryllium: Interring a guy called Liam.
> > > > >
> > > > > Barium: Interring anybody's body!
> > > > >
> > > > > Potassium: Favored by stoned donkeys.
> > > > >
> > > > > Aluminium: Tasty curried potatoes prepared by Minerva.
> > > >
> > > > Helium: Gas that cures.
> > > >
> > > > Curium: A transuranic element that cures.
> > >
> > > C?sium: Element that grabs hold of yer!
> > >
> > > So many elements to choose from, my Cuprum-eth over!
> >
> > Hydrogen: Gas that gives out greetings.
> >
> Radon: Nuclear Oxford professor.

Or nuclear Mafia leader.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40C63472.EF090D48@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:40C57438.72E8A83D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Adverse: Singing commercials.
> > > >
> > > > Amuse: One poet.
> > > >
> > > > Bemuse: Buzzing insect poet.
> > > >
> > > > Diverse: Swan song.
> > > >
> > > > Reverse: To sing again.
> > > >
> > > > Universe: A song with just one verse.
> > >
> > > Music: A cat that's ill.
> >
> > Also a sick cow.
> >
> Ditto, on the piste: Sick cow ski. (Later got rescued by helicopter.)

Catilena: Tipsy feline.

Cattlena: Tipsy bovine.

Tipsy: Drunk ocean.

 

Don't cast asparagus on your opponents!

I suffer from Asparagus Disorder.

Some suffer from Lime Disease.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41822E90.CA4C74B5@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Halloween Puns:
> >
> > SUB: Sports Utility Broom, flown by wealthy witches. I saw this pun in
> > a Mother Goose and Grimm 2 years ago.
> >
> > Pumpkin: Relative of a pump.
> >
> > Halloweenie: Hallowed out hot dog.
>
> Or what a very fat man can say without the aid of a mirror after he's lost a
> lot of weight!
> >
> > Booting: Ghost bell or ringing ghost.

The zombie baseball team came in dead last.

Zombie: Undead apine.

 

Broadcast: Group of dumb female actresses.

Casting: Group of musical or bell actors.

Casting: Group of apine actors.

Comcast: Group of computer actors.

Forecast: Group of 4 actors.

 

290 days to May 10.