3 December Puns

nemo wrote:

> Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> news:10lg77g821edbd4@corp.supernews.com...
> > Douglas D. Anderson wrote:
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote
> > >> Abundant: Lots of ants.
> > >>
> > > Abundant: ant loyal to the federal republic.
> >
> > Abundant: Ant employed at a bakery.
> >
> >
> That reminds me. I just noticed in our local Safeway supermarket, they
have
> ecumenical hot cross buns they can see all year round. Same buns,
except
> with stripes instead of a cross. Anything for a quick prophet!
>
> Gardant: An heraldic ant standing sideways on but looking straight at
the
> viewer.
>
> Regardant: An heraldic ant standing sideways on but looking back over
its
> shoulder.

Depressant: Very sad ant.

Jubilant: Very happy ant.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:438E3CC8.155102CD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Antidote: An ant that cures poison victims.
> >
> > Biplane: An aircraft that mates with both genders.
> >
> > Deacon: A criminal demon.
> >
> > D. Mon: Between D. Sun and D. Tues.
> >
> > D. Tain: A demon prison guard.
> >
> > Enormous: A very big rodent.
> >
> > Giant: Very big ant.
> >
> > Gigantic: Very big tick.
> >
> > Incredible: An unbelievable male cow.
>
> Accountable: A male bovine bookkeeper, or male bovine working in a shop.
>
> Audible: Male bovine driving a car made by one of Germany's
> oldest-established automobile manufacturers which came about via the
> amalgamation of four companies in 1932. Their trade mark is 0.6 of the
> Olympic Games.
>
> Compostable: Male bovine who's fallen in the fertiliser or one whose
carcass
> is rotting down in a heap of peat and kitchen waste to *provide*
fertiliser.

Audi: Demon car.

 

Carton: 2,000 lb auto.

Cartoon: Musical auto.

Cerebra: Smart breast covering.

Cerebra: Smart knight.

Combo: Computer archer.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4438704F.9FD237D4@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > artyw wrote:
> >
> > > "Chris Trask" <christrask@earthlink.net> wrote in message
> news:<dk%7c.53697$aT1.47706@newsread1.news.pas.earthlink.net>...
> > > > Would a rotund adolescent who has gained considerable weight from
> > > > drinking too much hot chocolate be considered an ovalteen?
> > >
> > > Yoohoo is without thin, cast the first stein.
> >
> > Heavy cities: Houston, Boston.
> >
> > London: A mafia city.
>
> More yardies here than mafia. Some of the last words of the last Tory Home

> Secretary were that there were no yardies here.
>
> Yardie: Heavity armed black gangster 3 ft tall!

Heavity: Tea that makes you obese.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4250EC8B.894B5CD2@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:419EFCB9.A6563CBD@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Musical bed things: Bedding, Sheeting, and Quilting.
> > > >
> > > > Pillowing: Where sleeping birds put their heads.
> > >
> > > When lying *down* prezoomably.
> >
> > Prezoom: Before you speed up.
> >
>
> Bazoom: High speed breast.

Bazoom: High speed sheep.

 

nemo wrote:

> "Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4250EB3D.F03E9166@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Censorship: Big boat that suppresses dissent.
> >
>
> Whichssent? Chanel No.5?

Winsor: A flying royal family.

 

CT: Antimatter ocean or beverage.

DC: Ocean of demons or politicians.

DC: Another electrical ocean.

DC: Electrical demon.

DP: Two demons thrown out on the base paths.

 

Lyme Disease: Turns people into green citrus fruit.

Sublime: Underwater citrus fruit.

 

Feeding: Meal bell.

Feeding: Price of a bell.

Fitting: Tailor's bell.

Forgetting: Bell that doesn't remember.

Flaunting: Bell that shows it assets.

 

Joking: Laughing king.

Lurking: King who reads but doesn't post in the Internet.

Planking: Wooden king.

Smacking: King who slaps people.

Snacking: King who eats a lot.

Sneaking: Shoe king.

Sneaking: King who's good at not being seen.

Socking: King who plays a game in which a ball is kicked into a net on
the ground.

Working: King doing a job.

Yanking: King who pulls stuff.

 

nemo wrote:

> J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> news:cagfrvsjj17s3likg7vietk8lki29rp4ec@4ax.com...
> > On Sat, 15 Nov 2003 15:26:46 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words floating
about:
> >
> > >On Sat, 15 Nov 2003 20:49:01 +1030
> > >"Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> > >
> > >> Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > >> > After X-ray, the doctor asked me: "Has anyone ever told you
that you
> > >> > have a 13th set of ribs?"
> > >> > "I haven't heard Adam thing." I said.
> > >>
> > >> I hope you gave the idiot the old Eve ho!!
> > >>
> > >I'm sure that Eden even think of it.
> > >
> > I'd raise cain, if I were able.
>
> "Thou shalt not steal!"

Noah: To b-n the 1st letter.

 

nemo wrote:

> fredmiller@the.PC <fred609@webtv.net> wrote in message
> news:3361f1b9.0311182345.3d4bac3c@posting.google.com...
> > "nemo" <nemo@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> news:<Gviub.5332$qu.2147@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> > > fredmiller@the.PC <fred609@webtv.net> wrote in message
> > > news:3361f1b9.0311172056.4da19959@posting.google.com...
> > > > J. A. Mc. <jaSPAMc@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > > > news:cagfrvsjj17s3likg7vietk8lki29rp4ec@4ax.com...
> > > > > > On Sat, 15 Nov 2003 15:26:46 GMT, "Cybe R. Wizard"
> > > > > > <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> found these unused words
floating
> about:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >On Sat, 15 Nov 2003 20:49:01 +1030
> > > > > > >"Sheila Dundee" <CorKa@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > >> Buffalo Chilkat wrote:
> > > > > > >> > After X-ray, the doctor asked me: "Has anyone ever told
you
> that
> > > you
> > > > > > >> > have a 13th set of ribs?"
> > > > > > >> > "I haven't heard Adam thing." I said.
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >> I hope you gave the idiot the old Eve ho!!
> > > > > > >>
> > > > > > >I'm sure that Eden even think of it.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > I'd raise cain, if I were able.
> > > >
> > > > I'd cane you, if I were Abe L. : )
> > >
> > > And I'd Gore you, if I were Abe Al! - and do it to music too - Al
Gore
> Rhythm.
> >
> > That's fine as long as you keep a log o'rhythms for the re-count !
>
> And if it don't add up - hard cheese - Chaddar Cheese.

Chadder Cheese: Cheese that votes?

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40014B91.B1BF6DCF@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Rumble: Druken male cow.
>
> Tumble: Male cow with stomach(s) ache.
>
> Bumble: Male cow with sore arse/ass.
>
> Fumble: Male cow who's very clumsy.
>
> Humble: Male cow who'd like to be moo-sickle but can't remember the
words -
> or who stinks!.
>
> Scumble: Male cow who's intensly disliked.

Grumble: Complaining bull.

Amble: Bull just walking along.

Scramble: Fast bull.

Compatible: Friendly bull.

Compatible: Electronic bull.

 

nemo wrote:

> Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40AC8201.2BDFF77E@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Kathy wrote:
> >
> > > "Nehmo Sergheyev" <nehmo54@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > > newsmz6b.1729$PE6.1541@newsread3.news.pas.earthlink.net...
> > > > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that
soon we
> > > > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
> different
> > > > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the
neighborhood!
> > > >
> > > >
> > > We have a House of Hair locally. Can't wait for their staff to
brush up
> on
> > > their skills.
> >
> > I've been to Taco Bell.
>
> I've listened to Pachel Bell. Very dissapointing. I was waiting for
his
> Canon to go bang and it didn't!

Pac Bell: Musical luggage.

 

Larry Krzewinski wrote:

> On Thu, 20 May 2004 19:02:57 -0400, "Greg Evans"
> <gregIGNOREevans@charter.BLATHER.net> wrote:
>
> >>>> A telemarketer was taking a survey.
> >>> No shit?
> >>
> >> <...pffffft!!...excuse me, I've got to go take a survey...>
> >
> >I don't think anyone's gonna be interested in your results.
>
> That was a very septic remark, Evans.

Sep Tic: The 7th dirty tick.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42EC42A2.62534781@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:407A4056.702EBA5D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Attacker: Aggressive dog.
> > >
> > > Baker: Dog in San Francisco.
> > >
> > > Barker: Lawyer dog.
> > >
> > > Barker: Dog in prison.
> > >
> > > Barker: Dog who serves alcohol.
> > >
> > > Booker: Library dog.
> > >
> > > Bunker: Pastry dog.
> > >
> > > Clocker: Time keeping dog.
> > >
> > > Cocker Spaniel: Dog/rooster crossbreed.
> > >
> > > Cooker: Meal making dog.
> >
> > Tanker: Dog that's been sunbathing.
> >
> > Bicker: Dog that writes with a cheap Biro.
>
> Tanker: Dog carrying lots of oil.
>
Was his name Bowser?

Bowser: K9 night.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42EC42A2.62534781@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:407A4056.702EBA5D@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Attacker: Aggressive dog.
> > >
> > > Baker: Dog in San Francisco.
> > >
> > > Barker: Lawyer dog.
> > >
> > > Barker: Dog in prison.
> > >
> > > Barker: Dog who serves alcohol.
> > >
> > > Booker: Library dog.
> > >
> > > Bunker: Pastry dog.
> > >
> > > Clocker: Time keeping dog.
> > >
> > > Cocker Spaniel: Dog/rooster crossbreed.
> > >
> > > Cooker: Meal making dog.
> >
> > Tanker: Dog that's been sunbathing.
> >
> > Bicker: Dog that writes with a cheap Biro.
>
> Tanker: Dog carrying lots of oil.
>
Was his name Bowser?

Bowser: Obsequious knight.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42EBD130.6F207C@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:410DE9A9.E577893F@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > unidyne <unidyne@cox.net> wrote in message
> > > > news:H1WMc.2294$zA4.338@lakeread04...
> > > > >
> > > > > "brigit bardot brigade" <brigitzkrieg@hotmail.com> wrote in
message
> > > > > news:3cd79f7a.0407242013.606a7fe1@posting.google.com...
> > > > > > longest day... i recall some critics called it the longest
movie.
> > > > >
> > > > > These were actually used in film reviews:
> > > > >
> > > > > Lost Horison : "Lost Investment"
> > > > > Howard the Duck: "Howard the Dead Duck"
> > > > > Heaven's Gate: "Heaven Knows Why"
> > > > > Dawn of the Dead: "Yawn of the Living"
> > > > > Don't Stop the Music : "PLEASE Stop the Music!"
> > > > > Xanadu: "Xana-don't"
> > > > > Waterworld: "Wat-ever For?"
> > > > > The Postman: "Return to Sender"
> > > > >
> > > > > ...and my personal favorite...
> > > > >
> > > > > The Sound of Music: "The Sound of Mucus"
> > > > >
> > > > I'll second that! I used to repair the telephones in the
Palace
Theatre
> > when
> > > > that horrible show was on. Trying to repair the blasted
switchboard
with
> > big
> > > > fat cows dressed as nuns bellowing scales in your ear!!
> > >
> > > Fish scales or weighing scales?
> > >
> > Musical scales of coarse!
>
> To weigh notes?

Musical puns! They're suffocating me! I can't breve!

Music people: Classi Cal, Harmon Nick, Melo Dick, Musi Cal, Lyri Cal, Ly
Rick, Philharmo Nick, Rhyth Mick, Son Nick.

Note book: Book with music inside.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42EBFF05.8D66E0A0@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> Alan wrote:
>
> > On Sat, 08 Jan 2005 19:39:29 -0800, Tim Bruening
> > <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote:
> >
> > >Where does steel wool come from?
> > >
> > >Iron sheep.
> >
> > I thought it was pig iron, not sheep iron?
>
> Do iron pigs make iron hams?
>
> Cast Iron: Iron Hams/Actors.

I'm not omnes-scient, but it might just be that the Dramatis Person?
are all
poofs!

http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/203375.html

Castigate: Gate that heals broken limbs.

 

nemo wrote:

"Tim Bruening" <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:42EC0080.7AC26170@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbrueni@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4070FDCF.57C88883@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > Allowing: A permissive bird.
> > >
> > > Blowing: A windy bird.
> > >
> > > Growing: Very big wings.
> > >
> > > Harrowing: Risk taking bird.
> > >
> > > Slowing: Bird that doesn't move very fast.
> > >
> > > Throwing: Bird from the big leagues.
> >
> > Spewing: A Fulmar. (look it up)
>
> Glowing: Radioactive bird.
>

Narr. He's just been eating Ready Brek!

Ready: Communist demon.

Wallop: Support structure that cuts off heads.