Is It Truly Gay? Or Is It Peer Pressure?

These are different times to be sure. Used to be we would keep our promiscuous ambitions behind closed doors. Not anymore and it now directly affects me.

I have a nephew that is living in my downstairs. This isn’t a nephew from across town. He is from across country. He does not know that I am fully aware he is gay. My sister has cried on my shoulder many times about the young man.

Picture this...... A movie star handsome 6’4” square jawed 22 year old man that honestly earns almost 90k a year. The young man is so handsome that young women audibly gasp when he goes by. And I am not exaggerating one bit. Point being, at 22 this young man has the world at his grasp.

I love the young man. He has photos on his phone of him sitting on my lap as a toddler. I love and care about the boy which is why he took a job transfer here and is living with me. He hasn’t breathed a whisper with me about being gay. And frankly, I don’t believe he is. I happen to feel in the pit of my gut that he is acting on peer pressure. I may be old, but I do remember the impact that peer pressure had on me as a young man. And these days when it is in vogue to trumpet your erotic preferences for all to hear, how can it not affect a young person?

That’s my question. Is sexual preference dictated by peer pressure. Or are we to believe all the hype we hear these days about gender confusion and the like?

 

Having known many gay people in my life, I can tell that it is part of who they are and not “a preference” or something that results from peer pressure. Both of my sister in-law’s brothers are gay, and her twin sons are gay. It obviously runs in the family. I am convinced that it is genetic.

As for your nephew who is drop dead handsome, he’s one of those guys who used to drive straight guys like me crazy. Some women seem to be attracted to someone who is truly unobtainable. Women are very often drawn to them, especially is they are attractive, because they are taken by their feminine side if that is their gay nature. They are often wonderful dancers have musical talents. It’s one of the reasons why so many Broadway actors are gay.

If you can get beyond the old-fashioned moral attitudes about gay people, there is really nothing wrong with it. It is who they are. I support gay marriage because provides a way for them to settle down into an orderly life. I have known gay couples of adopted children with great success.

I know that this is a disappoint for you. But the best to do is put your traditional attitudes and love your nephew for who he is.

 

WOW!! A total agreement from me. I didn't see that coming.

He is right though. Being gay or straight has nothing to do with peer pressure. It is who they are. The best thing you could do is to have a heart to heart and let him know that you love him and that you know that he is gay and that is it alright. He doesn't really need your permission to be gay but I'm sure that he would appreciate your support. That is if you can do it. Many people can't. I guarantee that you will be closer afterwards.

I have a nephew on my wife's side that is transgender. "He" or "They" is transitioning to become a woman. "They" still date women though. Gender fluidity is just another example of the younger generation feeling freer to be who they are not who society says they are supposed to be based on narrowly defined gender roles. Since the transitioning process has begun with my nephew, I started noticing more people in my community that are transitioning as well. It has sort of opened my eyes.

I guess the best advice is and always has been that it is better to stay curious than it is to be judgmental. Your nephew sounds like a nice young man.

As an aside, you live an interesting life my friend. You're making me a little jealous.

 

Just to be clear, I have no judgment at all on the young man. I think he is well on his way to having a successful life ahead of him. He has not shared his sexual preferences with me in any way and if he thought that I knew, I am confident that it would make him very uncomfortable. His problem exists between himself and his father (sisters husband) which is why he has recently found his way to my home........ See, I too know and have several very close friendships with professed and practicing gay men. My nephew has absolutely none of the effeminate mannerisms that I am used to seeing in my other friends. And that is rather what confounds me a bit. Make no mistake... If he had a choice to help me work on my old car or to go shopping with my wife, he is going shopping. Thing is, I just do not sense anything of a genuine gay nature about the young man....... Back in the 1970's young men were supposed to sport long hair and act like they smoked cannabis. I looked a fool with long hair and I was scared to death of drugs. But I would never say that to my friends. It was purely peer pressure that made me feel I had to do those things......... If my nephew chose to disclose being gay with me, I would absolutely be a supportive and loving uncle. I know the rift with his father has broken his heart already. And he is genuinely a young man that is well in control of his future. And that is all that is truly important to me. I just do not sense a truly gay nature about the young man.

 

I think what you are referring to is commonly called "Gaydar" defined as a colloquialism referring to the intuitive ability of a person to assess others' sexual orientations as gay, bisexual or heterosexual. I can tell you that "gaydar" is anything but an exactly science. I have met the most effeminate men and swore that I knew that they were gay just to find out that they are married to women. Not that it is unheard of for a gay man to be married to a woman but it still astounds me that this seemingly gay man chooses to be married to a woman and have a heterosexual relationship by all outward signs.

I guess that you just can't implicitly trust your own sense of other people's sexuality. It is just more complicated than that.

I can tell you about the number of suicides that I have heard about and have known the families of the people that tried to keep the "secret" of being gay until they just couldn't take it anymore. Sometimes they seem happy on the outside but are suffering deeply on the inside especially if they feel that they don't have the approval of and don't want to disappoint someone they respect. Literally, untold secrets can be deadly.

His father sounds like a piece of work. Many parents ostracize their own children for the "sin" of being born gay. It is a rejection that many of them never get over. The more support they have, the healthier they will be.

 

You are absolutely correct. The young mans father is in fact very much a man's-man. He runs a farm, owns a very successful construction business and races cars for kicks. He raised two other sons that had college scholarships in football. He is my brother in law and I do respect the man and he has been a good husband to my sister. However he is not a modern sensitive sort of gentleman. I too worry about my nephew harboring this inside himself and could never forgive myself if he chose to do some personal harm out of angst. I'll have to ponder this a bit. Perhaps I should open that door for him and make sure he knows it is safe with me.

 

You won't regret it.

 

My middle son is a 23-year old 6'-5" strawberry blond built like a lumberjack with a handsome baby face. He has had the same girlfriend since he was in high school. He can't go into a bar without some gay person hitting on him.

He was sitting with one of his old roommates, a female, and most people would assume that they were together, but he still got hit on by some gay young man. He gets hit on by gay men all the time. Nothing effeminate about him in the least but the baby face makes people think that he is gay.

He had to apply to a housing co-op in an online interview and they all assumed that he was gay until he showed up and only then did they realize he was straight. Even gay people don't always know who is and who isn't gay.